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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would this be too far for you to move?

26 replies

rosieposiepopss · 04/04/2023 11:07

Currently live 10 mins from where I grew up and my parents’ house, who we are very close with and see a couple of times a week. Renting but house prices are fast on the rise here. Convenient place for us to be, suits DH’s work and is ideal for me.

We’ve seen a new housing development that are trialling the first homes scheme. You buy the freehold and own the whole property but it’s 30% cheaper than market value to give first time buyers a chance to buy the size home they need. When you come to sell you must also sell to a first time buyer. I have tried to read up online about this but can’t find much else out, though we know they’re few and far between

This development is 17 miles away from where we are now (30-35 minute drive). The area is nice as DH has work colleagues who live there and vouch for it. It would be the same commute for me to work as work is in the middle of current home and new development. It would add 10 mins into DH’s travel journey which he isn’t so bothered about.

My main worries is that we haven’t yet had kids and when we do (hopefully relatively soon) it would be really nice to be nearby to parents so we can just call by and vice versa. That’s a lot harder when it’s a 35 mile round trip I suppose!

Is it a non issue or would you aim to stay closer by if this were you?

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 04/04/2023 11:09

non issue, you are incredibly lucky to have that opportunity so very very close to home

TokyoSushi · 04/04/2023 11:10

Non issue, 17 miles isn't that far.

AlltheFs · 04/04/2023 11:10

This is totally a non issue. I’d go for it 100% if the house suits.
I drive 7 miles for a supermarket and 14 miles to nursing drop off twice a day. 17 doesn’t even register but appreciate its all relative!

Fairislefandango · 04/04/2023 11:10

Non-issue to me tbh. Since having kids we have never lived less than an hour's drive away from both sets of grandparents, and when my youngest was 6 we moved to where we live now, which is four hours' drive away!

SophiaSW1 · 04/04/2023 11:11

That's not even far!

berksandbeyond · 04/04/2023 11:11

Seriously? You can’t comprehend being 30 minutes from them? Can’t really get my head around why that would be a problem for an adult

Orchidflower1 · 04/04/2023 11:11

Honestly if the development is nice I think you’d be crackers to ignore it.

30 min drive is nothing- unless there is a huge back story.

These day many families live 100s or even 1000s of miles away from family.

Where do you live in relation to dh family?

VainAbigail · 04/04/2023 11:11

17 miles is nothing. It really isn’t. There are so many people on here who’s parents live 100’s of miles away (myself included) so 17 miles definitely is nothing.

Original poster
rosieposiepopss · 04/04/2023 11:12

Orchidflower1 · 04/04/2023 11:11

Honestly if the development is nice I think you’d be crackers to ignore it.

30 min drive is nothing- unless there is a huge back story.

These day many families live 100s or even 1000s of miles away from family.

Where do you live in relation to dh family?

We’d be slightly nearer to them (10 miles, 15 mins away)

OP posts:
ASixPackAndTheRadio · 04/04/2023 11:12

17 miles isn’t far at all, but a bit of distance can be a good thing anyway. 😉

Orchidflower1 · 04/04/2023 11:14

rosieposiepopss · 04/04/2023 11:12

We’d be slightly nearer to them (10 miles, 15 mins away)

Show quote history

Sounds perfect!!

Both sides of the family in close proximity.
lovely new house.

Honestly, I say this with kindness and someone who is currently struggling with MH but you need to make the break- it’s not healthy to be worried about being only a few more miles away from your parents.

Have you lived away before?

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 04/04/2023 11:17

Well I moved to Oz, so this would be too close for me.😁

Jadviga · 04/04/2023 11:17

Sorry, your OP made me smile a bit. I live a 13h flight from my nearest family. And that's without counting the 3h train ride and 30min car trip from the airport.

Do your homework and check that there aren't any catches, but I wouldn't say distance is an issue.

unsync · 04/04/2023 11:53

Where on earth do you currently live that you think 17 miles is a long distance?

pottypotamus · 04/04/2023 11:55

17 miles is not far at all.

I lived 30 miles from my parents and used to drive to see them with the kids every weekend.

AliceTheeCamel · 04/04/2023 12:11

Tbh I wouldn't want the insecurity of renting with DC if there was a realistic alternative, which it sounds like this could be.

I guess one question is: if you have DC in the future, would you be hoping your parents would do regular childcare for you (and would they want to do it)? Would they be able and willing to travel to you to see their future GC or would you always have to go to them?

We live 50 miles away from where I grew up and 75 miles from in-laws. Obviously our kids' grandparents can't do day-to-day childcare from that distance. But I don't think either set would have wanted to do it regularly anyway, and we can afford to both work and pay for childcare.

My in-laws are starting to get to the point where they don't want to travel to us any more and want us to either collect them or stay at theirs. I'd be ecstatic if we could get them to move to only 35 minutes from us!

Titanosaurus · 04/04/2023 12:43

I commuted more than 17 miles per day for work

17 miles is nothing !

gogohmm · 04/04/2023 12:43

17 miles is close, I've never lived within 100 miles

postwarbulge · 04/04/2023 13:00

@rosieposiepopss

Are your parents not happy about you moving?

granddadtumble · 04/04/2023 13:06

Not speaking from a buying/renting perspective, but 30 min drive would be too much for me personally!!

My mum and ILs are a 10/15 min drive from us and honestly I wish we stayed in the area so we could be walking distance 😂

You have to definitely weigh up all the other factors though. you'll have your in laws closer to you which is a bonus.

If we stayed where our family is, we would have a much smaller house and a tiny garden for what we could afford at the time. Now we have a decent sized house and a huge garden for the kids. I still get to see my family often so it's a win win even if I have to drive to see them.

runforyourdog · 04/04/2023 13:07

I get what you mean OP! I'm close to my parents and we rely on them a lot for childcare and dog care! Would be much more difficult if they didn't live nearby.

17 miles not that far though, sounds like a good opportunity!

WildAloofRebel · 04/04/2023 13:09

Absolute non issue, I’d count that as still on your parents’ doorstep.

mast0650 · 04/04/2023 13:13

Non-issue for me. But that doesn't necessarily mean it is a non-issue for you. I've never lived 10 mins from any relatives, either as a child or an adult. For a few years as a child we lived about half an hour away from my grandparents and that was really nice - easily close enough to go over just for lunch etc. Yes, you'd ring first rather than just "pop over" but otherwise it is not that much different. Easily close enough to go over once a week or so, if that's what you want. Personally, I think any more than that would be too much anyway!

I take it by " 10 minutes" you mean drive, not walk? Being within walking distance with children could be lovely. But once you are in the car, you are in the car....

You need to weigh up the pros and cons for yourself. There are clearly big advantages to the scheme for you. Only you can decide whether that is worth the (minor, I think) further distance to your parents.

MrsMullerBecameABaby · 04/04/2023 13:15

rosieposiepopss · 04/04/2023 11:07

Currently live 10 mins from where I grew up and my parents’ house, who we are very close with and see a couple of times a week. Renting but house prices are fast on the rise here. Convenient place for us to be, suits DH’s work and is ideal for me.

We’ve seen a new housing development that are trialling the first homes scheme. You buy the freehold and own the whole property but it’s 30% cheaper than market value to give first time buyers a chance to buy the size home they need. When you come to sell you must also sell to a first time buyer. I have tried to read up online about this but can’t find much else out, though we know they’re few and far between

This development is 17 miles away from where we are now (30-35 minute drive). The area is nice as DH has work colleagues who live there and vouch for it. It would be the same commute for me to work as work is in the middle of current home and new development. It would add 10 mins into DH’s travel journey which he isn’t so bothered about.

My main worries is that we haven’t yet had kids and when we do (hopefully relatively soon) it would be really nice to be nearby to parents so we can just call by and vice versa. That’s a lot harder when it’s a 35 mile round trip I suppose!

Is it a non issue or would you aim to stay closer by if this were you?

That's no distance at all. I wouldn't want to live any closer - once you have a baby (as you say you want to) it can be very difficult to maintain any kind of boundaries or privacy living too close to the grandparents and extended family...

However I'd be cautious about any catches making the development "too good to be true" - make sure you get that really thoroughly checked out.

Jobsharenightmare · 31/08/2024 20:19

Hi OP,

Just wondering what you did in the end? We've just moved and 18 miles each way has ended up too far for grandparents to continue offering childcare twice a week. So it turns out that it can make quite a difference going from living 15 mins to 40 mins away if grandparents are hands on every week. Lots of PP commenting it was nothing obviously didn't have parents for childcare because their parents were hours away. Not at all comparable.

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