Arguing over child bedtime

[Nolongersureofmyself]

Hello all, please can I ask your advice. I have brought my five year old to visit his dad (abroad) for the Easter break. It was a long journey and jetlag is a factor as a result.

At home, five year old goes to bed at 7pm and wakes up at 6.30am/7am. Most nights he goes straight to sleep but there are a few nights where he chats to himself for a short while in bed before nodding off.

So far, since we got here, dad seems to have been incapable of getting him to bed anywhere near 7pm. Saturday night he had invited his friends over and dinner was hours later than normal so bedtime was 8pm. Sunday night he decided we go to a birthday party for an adult and we returned back near to 8pm again. Tonight, he’s take five year old over to a neighbour and they’ve been there for over an hour. It’s nearly 8pm and they are still not back so at this rate bedtime will not be until 8.30pm.

I know it’s the holidays and I should probably lighten up but I there are several issues in my mind.

Firstly I feel he isn’t putting five year olds sleep needs first. He’s jetlagged and should get back on schedule. We are three days in and it’s the worst time for jetlag. It’s a 6 hour time difference so at 8pm in this country, it’s 2am back home. He isn’t used to late nights and if he doesn’t get good sleep he is cranky.

Also, he will now become used to a later bedtime and it will be problematic when we get back in terms of getting up for school. just because he doesn’t have to get up now. Doesn’t mean his whole routine should change.

Secondly, I think their is an alterior motive to this bedtime delay. Five year old usually speaks to his dad between 6 and 7 each evening. Dad has repeatedly asked that this be moved to 6.30 to 7.30 because it would be easier for his schedule. I had already moved his bedtime from 6.30pm to 7pm last year to try to accommodate. feel that 7.30pm is too late given his sleep needs and having to get up for school.

I appreciate that some will think that 7 is too early for bedtime at this age and I would agree if he didn’t just go straight to sleep most nights.

I can’t talk to dad about it as things are already difficult between us. I want to try to intervene but I get shouted at so it’s very difficult and I don’t want him to start shouting in front of five year old.

thanks for reading a long post.

If you're in a different timezone anyway, then there's not much harm in running on 9-9 instead of 7-7. Getting back into the 7-7 routine when you get home is going to be difficult either way. Hopefully the school will be understanding if he's struggling the first week back - and he would have been struggling if you'd stuck rigidly to 7-7 whilst away anyway.

Ok, take a deep breath. I understand your frustration but this not the hill to die on, let it go, for now. However, when you back you need to stop letting this man have so much control over your life. The phone calls can reduced to three or twice a week and you call on a schedule and if he reciprocates flexibility then so can you. If he shouts, then he doesn’t get to talk to you verbally. I know it’s easy for me to say but he isn’t the boss.

I don't know where you are, but to be blunt, don't be confrontational whilst you are abroad in case dad makes it difficult for you to leave the country.

You show up for your kid’s first birthday party. That’s just basic stuff.

He is your son's father. All you do is say what you think calmly and it's up to the MAN to decide. You can't tell him what to do so don't even try it. Stop trying to be in control of everything and your way isn't always right.