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AIBU?

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Original poster

Another cat question....

18 replies

Novatherova · 04/04/2023 01:12

I have 2 year old BSH cat. I worry about her feelings so I'd like some advice please....

First time cat Mum and I'm a born worrier with some mental health issues, so apologies for asking this but no one I know has ever had cats and generally dislike them.

  1. She absolutely hates being brushed. I've tried all types of brushes, hates them all. She gets very very upset and stressed but I try to continue with the brushing as it needs doing.

Even after a minute she becomes unhappy and has now started going for me when I brush her. What do I do? I can't accommodate her feelings fully as it would never get done. She isn't a lap cat either. I also can't bribe with threats (works in past) as she's overweight.

  1. I lost my phone at the weekend and was charging room to room looking for it. When I went in my bedroom she was looking at me scared. Also I had a mop bucket in the garden that had Zoflo in that she sniffs and when I say ah ah as in no, her ears flatter and she goes low and scurries off.

Is she scared of me? She sleeps on me, let's me pick her up, eats out my hand, let's me clean her eyes every day. Follows me everywhere. I WFH too.

  1. We play with her about 1hr to 1.5/2 hours a day spread throughout the day. Might be even more time wise split between me and my DP. I also walk her and we sit in the garden most days. She always wants more. Why is that?

I just want her to be happy.

OP posts:
FredInYourHead · 04/04/2023 01:14

Wtf have I just read? 😂😂

BabsDylan · 04/04/2023 01:15

Does she need brushing??

Even my long haired cat doesn’t need it as he keep himself tidy and unmatted. He loves a brush though 😂

DomesticShortHair · 04/04/2023 01:17

Cats (like everything else) are most vulnerable when they are asleep. They might sleep on you because they like the warmth, or because you’re soft, or because they find your breathing comforting etc. But they wouldn’t do that if they thought you were in any way a threat to them. So the fact that she chooses to sleep on you means that she does trust you, as much as her instincts and nature will let her trust anyone.

Christmascracker0 · 04/04/2023 01:17

It sounds like your cat is being a cat.

Mercy1968 · 04/04/2023 01:19

I have never brushed my cat. She's short haired, an ordinary tabby and grooms herself and she is always shiny and well groomed looking.

Zoflora is toxic to cats. Keep it away from her.

If she sleeps on you she loves you. She's choosing to be with you when she is defencless and vulnerable. My ex feral cat is sleeping on me right now. Purring her head off. That is love.

mowly77 · 04/04/2023 01:27

Well the charging around etc - the vast majority of cats hate this sort of behaviour (loud noise, unpredictable movements etc), she might be scared in the moment but it doesn’t sound like she is scared of you overall if she lets you pick her up etc. My cats are scared of the vacuum cleaner for example & absolutely hate the way my small child charges around & so they run off & hide, but they’re not scared overall.

You like you’re overly worrying, which I understand as you explained in your OP. Agree she doesn’t need loads of brushing (one of my DSH hardly ever is brushed, she takes care of herself). It sounds like you’re a really kind & responsible cat owner. You play with her loads, for example and that’s really great and she will appreciate & need the stimulation and interaction (I won’t address the taking her for a walk I’m sure someone will be along in a minute re: that)

My overall take is perhaps try and relax
(cats are very attuned to emotions and stress), and enjoy just spending time with your lovely cat. Cats are wonderfully life-enhancing, enjoy each other’s company!

mowly77 · 04/04/2023 01:29

*sound like

yes at the end of the day, she’s simply being a cat. Their ways are mysterious… don’t sweat it. Let her be a … cat. And just love and care for her.

Original poster
Novatherova · 04/04/2023 02:13

I know about the walking might get me judged as a weirdo.

However in my defence she is an indoor cat who is scared of own shadow, she doesn't want to go out unless with me.

I've left the backdoor open countless times while I'm working in the kitchen for her to go in the garden and she won't. I have to walk with her.

She's also v lazy so I walk with her to make sure she's exercising. Plus we play in the garden.

Actually I think I'm turning into a crazy cat lady so think it's best I go out tomorrow with my friends! :))

Thanks all for the advice. I just worry about her because when I got her as a kitten (bought - adopting another one this year) she was seriously ill and has had untold health problems these 2 years due to god knows what she was subjected to at her breeders house.

I didn't get to see inside due to covid. I think she was hurt whilst there as she's scared of everyone.

Today though I think she was being a stroppy mare.

OP posts:
Original poster
Novatherova · 04/04/2023 02:14

mowly77 · 04/04/2023 01:27

Well the charging around etc - the vast majority of cats hate this sort of behaviour (loud noise, unpredictable movements etc), she might be scared in the moment but it doesn’t sound like she is scared of you overall if she lets you pick her up etc. My cats are scared of the vacuum cleaner for example & absolutely hate the way my small child charges around & so they run off & hide, but they’re not scared overall.

You like you’re overly worrying, which I understand as you explained in your OP. Agree she doesn’t need loads of brushing (one of my DSH hardly ever is brushed, she takes care of herself). It sounds like you’re a really kind & responsible cat owner. You play with her loads, for example and that’s really great and she will appreciate & need the stimulation and interaction (I won’t address the taking her for a walk I’m sure someone will be along in a minute re: that)

My overall take is perhaps try and relax
(cats are very attuned to emotions and stress), and enjoy just spending time with your lovely cat. Cats are wonderfully life-enhancing, enjoy each other’s company!

Aw thank you for saying that xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Novatherova · 04/04/2023 02:16

Mercy1968 · 04/04/2023 01:19

I have never brushed my cat. She's short haired, an ordinary tabby and grooms herself and she is always shiny and well groomed looking.

Zoflora is toxic to cats. Keep it away from her.

If she sleeps on you she loves you. She's choosing to be with you when she is defencless and vulnerable. My ex feral cat is sleeping on me right now. Purring her head off. That is love.

No I do. I empited down the drain outside then rinsed it out with the hose. It was just drying but I don't like her sniffing it just incase, so I just say no or say ah ah like you would to a baby but she runs off like I've just had a big rant at her. Ears flattened, everything. Makes me feel awful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Novatherova · 04/04/2023 02:19

BabsDylan · 04/04/2023 01:15

Does she need brushing??

Even my long haired cat doesn’t need it as he keep himself tidy and unmatted. He loves a brush though 😂

Oh god no, she's a scruff. She never ever cleans herself. She looks awful. I do have to clean her eyes daily due to her breed and a health issue which she is OK with to an extent.

OP posts:
Original poster
Novatherova · 04/04/2023 02:20

FredInYourHead · 04/04/2023 01:14

Wtf have I just read? 😂😂

Erm me having a meltdown.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 04/04/2023 07:36

I am a lifelong cat owner. I once had two BSH, but that aside the only cat I ever brushed was my Persian because he had long fur. Cats groom themselves otherwise and there is no way you need to brush a BSH, so just stop it and that is 1) solved.

Yes a cat or indeed a dog or human, might be startled by someone charging through a house like a loony. So that seems normal.

You don’t need to exercise a cat, it is not a dog, it will sort itself. Also some of them do take longer to venture outside, but they usually all do in the end. But so what if she doesn’t.

You are being a bit of a cat crazy lady to be honest.

Aprilx · 04/04/2023 07:38

I have just read your post that your cat doesn’t clean itself. In this case, you need to take her to a vet, because a cat not grooming themselves is exceptionally rare and usually indicates a health issue. Also weeping eyes is not typical of a BSH (by this I am assuming you mean the breed British Shorthair). No absolutely not, another reason to take the cat to the vet.

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/04/2023 07:38

FredInYourHead · Today 01:14

Wtf have I just read? 😂😂

Feel better now? Unnecessary.

sausage767 · 04/04/2023 07:42

A young cat not grooming itself sounds concerning, maybe a vet check?

If it’s anxiety related, vet might recommend Feliway or something similar.

If kitty really does need brushing, try a grooming mit, it’s liked being stroked to them, but it picks up the loose hair.

Our two cats, one loved being brushed, the other couldn’t stand it,

ThisIsTrifficult · 04/04/2023 07:46

My friends bought a female BSH and she sounds similar to yours. They took her to the vet for tests once as she was acting weird, they were so worried. Nothing wrong with her, they had a helium balloon in the house. That's it.

Theirs won't sleep on them, may allow being picked up rarely, but generally lives on her own terms and definitely treats the humans as staff. She knows her place!

TokyoStories · 04/04/2023 10:09

I agree it sounds like she should be checked by a vet to rule out any health problems. Is her face flatter than other BSHs? This could be the cause of her weepy eyes and obviously not a lot you can do about it!

My BSH is very nearly 2 and he always wants more as well. It’s normal. Like you we play 1.5-2 hours a day. Sometimes you just have to ignore them as giving into them while they’re miaowing just encourages the behaviour. Do you put cat TV on for her? There are lots of options on YouTube. BSHs aren’t fully grown until they’re 3 so I think it takes a bit longer for them to settle down and lose all the teenage hormones.

I do think a BSH needs grooming weekly ideally but I’d maybe stop for a while as she seems to be feeling quite anxious. Mine hates being groomed as well so I got a Zoom Groom by Kong which is a silicone brush (so no static shocks or sharp teeth). I get out a licky treat and coax him up onto a chair and groom him as I’m feeding him the treat. He now associates being brushed with a special treat so doesn’t protest and purrs the whole time. I know you said you can’t offer treats at the moment as she’s overweight so obviously her weight needs to be addressed.

I know what you mean when you say you just want her to be happy. I worry terribly about mine and how he’s feeling. It sounds like she has some issues from her past but she obviously loves you if she’s sleeping on you. BSHs aren’t generally lap cats btw. I think addressing the weight issue should be a priority (and getting her checked out for other problems) so that you can use treats to help her associate ‘scary’ things with very tasty things.

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