To feel pressured into this pregnancy

[havingawobblymoment]

I'm 39 and pregnant with my 4th. I'm already a Grandma and this pregnancy wasn't planned, I had the coil fitted.
Dh is delighted and can't wait for this baby, meanwhile I'm terrified, I will be 40 when baby arrives and since having my 3 I have kept fit and healthy, still fit size 6-8. Can I really ever get back in these jeans after another pregnancy, it took a lot.

Will I have the energy? Probably not.
Financially it will be a stretch but it's doable.
I have spoken to dh about how I feel and he shrugs it off saying we'll be fine.
He is strongly against abortions so wouldn't even entertain the idea that we wouldn't have this baby.
I have been reading about the complications and risks and frightening myself, I'll be 60 when baby is 20 and they'll be 23 years between my youngest and eldest.
I don't know what I'm looking for really, just some perspective on all this, especially with dh so happy and elated.
Dh is looking at baby names and I don't even know how I feel, I have very mixed feelings about everything.

But child care is what differentiates you and him. He's managed to be a dad and still have time to himself, carving out an identity that isn't just Dad. And will carry on doing so. You haven't. I think weight gain and energy aside, think about what you want from life. At 60, you'll have spent your entire life in service of others. It's not a chore to do it for your children but should it be the only thing you ever do? Will you have regrets of all the opportunities for work, hobbies, travel, relaxation you'll now be giving up.

And of course - DH could have a mid life crisis himself and decide he wants more from life. Plenty of people do, seems to be mostly men, once they realise they're looking at another 40 years of sameness. So choose for yourself and yourself alone, not because of what DH wants.

selfishly I don't want to spoil that.

You are happy.
It’s never selfish to be happy.

Mum and dad in early 40s when I was born.

Despite their tiredness and exhaustion I had a great childhood and deserve to be here ( not prolife, poor background, older siblings). Just happy to be here.

Your body, your choice.

How are you doing @havingawobblymoment

I have booked a termination, dh isn't happy about it and I know he feels resentment but I know I've made the right decision for me.
Hopefully he will come to terms with it because it's still a difficult situation for me and I could do with his support.

You are a very brave lady OP. Well done for making the right choice for you, and ultimately for your family. There is never a one size fits all in situations like this, but having another child isn't for you now, and that's ok.

The complications of having a baby at 40 can be huge. The toll on your body will be much more extensive than when you had your baby at 23. You'll be parenting while going through menopause. The chances of the baby being disabled are much much higher too. Yes, most pregnancies are fine but if you don't want this and you have 3 kids already, all these negatives will be even harder to deal with.

Your body, your choice.

He's had the fun side of parenting with less impact on his life and career, and is forgetting the physicality of pregnancy, labour and the early years.