Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To ask what your thoughts are here?

19 replies

LilacRain12 · 03/04/2023 21:16

Friend is 35 and lives with parents and is also single. Works as a swimming coach and has lupus just to give some background.
Her parents are considering moving to a new location which has very bad and unreliable transport links (she doesn't drive) and would also mean she would have to give up her job which has hours which are ideal for her and which she really enjoys. (No leisure centre or pools nearby). Would be very isolated at weekends also because of the public transport unreliability. So she doesn't want to go but wouldnt be able to afford to buy or rent alone in London especially due to her unpredictable health and not earning enough.
Aibu to ask what her options are? She has no other family other than her parents.

OP posts:

fruitscran · 03/04/2023 21:19

Has to go with parents and find work there, there’s no other magic solution other than perhaps a house share :( tough situation

NillyNoMates · 03/04/2023 21:24

Are her parents trying to get their own place away from her?

PennyForearm · 03/04/2023 21:26

She could get a houseshare.

She could learn to drive.

Original poster

LilacRain12 · 03/04/2023 21:27

No, they want her to go with them and wouldn't see it as an option for her not to go.

OP posts:

ImSweetEnoughDarlin · 03/04/2023 21:34

Can't she rent a room?

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/04/2023 21:35

She’ll have to go and find alternative work. Is she being picky about her working hours? If so why?

Is she ever planning to live independently? I don’t know much about lupus, the only person I know who has it is a previous colleague who worked full time and lived with her partner.

WGACA · 03/04/2023 21:36

Learn to drive?

derbylass81 · 03/04/2023 21:40

Learn to drive

Get a flat share

Move with the parents and get a new job

I don't think there's a magical solution here.

Original poster

LilacRain12 · 03/04/2023 21:49

I don't know many single people who could afford much in London without a partner.
Everything else costs money and will take time to do. Especially learning to drive as she has joint issues and not much spare cash to throw around once she had paid her living expenses to parents.
Maybe I will suggest she moves to a cheaper area of the country but with that, she will be very isolated but she will if she moves with parents also.

OP posts:

Alwayswonderedwhy · 03/04/2023 21:51

House share or learn to drive. Sounds like a good opportunity to become more independent.

PennyForearm · 03/04/2023 21:56

Plenty of single people live in London without a partner.

And at this point her parents are only just considering moving, it's not going to happen in the next couple of months so she's got plenty of time to start to learn to drive.

Tbh though this sounds like one of those threads/she sounds like one of those people, where there is yet another problem presented for every solution offered.

She's 35 and apparently has made no moves to become in any way independent from her parents to the point that you're saying they wouldn't see it as an option for her not to go with them.

Take a step back from this, she can figure it out for herself.

Lmber · 03/04/2023 22:54

As someone who's probably not going to work full time, it might be best to move with them and learn to drive. She's living in the most expensive city in the country to be self sufficient on a part time, sporadic wage.

TomatoSandwiches · 03/04/2023 22:57

PennyForearm · 03/04/2023 21:56

Plenty of single people live in London without a partner.

And at this point her parents are only just considering moving, it's not going to happen in the next couple of months so she's got plenty of time to start to learn to drive.

Tbh though this sounds like one of those threads/she sounds like one of those people, where there is yet another problem presented for every solution offered.

She's 35 and apparently has made no moves to become in any way independent from her parents to the point that you're saying they wouldn't see it as an option for her not to go with them.

Take a step back from this, she can figure it out for herself.

This.

PinkSyCo · 03/04/2023 23:00

She could move in with you?

5foot5 · 03/04/2023 23:05

As someone who's probably not going to work full time,
Is this a given? The only person I know with lupus has raised a family and now lives with a second partner and works full time in quite a demanding job.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 03/04/2023 23:27

Hello OP

Your friend could ask for an Access To Work assessment.

I have a chronic illness similar to lupus and Access To Work provide me with taxis to work.

It is so that the barriers for disabled people being able to work are reduced. With lupus Your friend would meet the criteria for having a disability so it is worth looking into .

danceyourselfdizzy1 · 03/04/2023 23:30

She’ll have to go and find alternative work. Is she being picky about her working hours? If so why?

My cousin has lupus and during flare-ups it is debilitating. So while some people might be able to hold down full time jobs and live a normal(ish) life, that is simply not the case for others who often struggle with severe symptoms.

That's probably "why" she may be "picky" about her working hours.

Lmber · 03/04/2023 23:34

5foot5 · 03/04/2023 23:05

If she's not currently working full time very possibly. I have a similar illness and very much live off DH. It would be incredibly difficult, probably impossible for me to live independently in London.

MojoMoon · 03/04/2023 23:40

There are other options than stay in London or go somewhere remote and rural with her parents.

I think she should be making plans to move out but that could be anywhere. Newcastle. Exeter. Cardiff. Norwich. Glasgow. Etc etc

She is unlikely to get council housing in London for a decade at least in case you were wondering if that was an option.

Flip