My ex seeing me

[Bear1789]

I was married for 12 years and have two kids, age 10 and 6. I was unhappy for many years and tried to tell my husband why, but he wouldn’t/couldn’t hear me. Unfortunately instead of ending things I had an affair – I’m not proud of this! Early last year I finally told my husband I wanted a divorce. A month later, he went through my things and found evidence of the affair, which he confronted me with. I admitted everything. We sold the house and have each purchased our own home. When he was viewing properties he viewed one less than ¼ mile from where my new partner lives (the man with whom I had an affair). My ex went ahead and bought this property – I told him before he purchased it how close it was to my new partner’s house, and although he wasn’t happy about it he went ahead with the purchase. We moved into out new homes in September last year (mine is about 3 miles away).

In November I was out for a run with my new partner and we ran past my ex’s house – it’s not just round the corner but it’s literally the main road into town/supermarket/public transport etc. My ex saw us and was very unhappy, sent me loads of messages saying how evil I was etc. I apologised and have subsequently tried to avoid the road as much as possible, don’t run down it etc. We have been civil since then.

My new partner currently has a pulled muscle so when we needed to go to the shops last week I decided to risk it and walk down the most direct route, ie my ex’s road. Unfortunately he saw us again (god knows what the odds of that are) and it has prompted three days of messages berating my behaviour, swearing at me, threatening to get a restraining order etc. Am I being completely heartless by occasionally walking down this road (twice in six months)? I’m just trying to go about my life and move on, my ex knew my new partner lived very near there when he bought the house. But I do recognise how much hurt and pain I caused him. He wants me to promise to never walk down the road again or he's seeing a solicitor, I don't know if I can promise as going a different route adds on a mile or so to my journey and who knows what circumstances may arise in the future.

Wow, he sounds absolutely crazy. It's a road. This is so beyond unreasonable to try to control you walking down a road! Tell him to do one. He's not in your life anymore, you don't owe him anything. Block him!

Unfortunately I can't block him as we have kids together and have to try to co-parent (we have 50/50 residency)

I would then suggest not engaging in any communication unless it's about your children. Just ignore, go grey rock. My guess is you have for so long been dealing with this controlling behaviour and trying to appease him you cannot see how crazy it is.

You can still put boundaries in place where he can only contact you about the children. Block him and use email to communicate regarding childcare arrangements. My DH had to do this with his ex, he has his kids 50% too.

He can't dictate to you where you can amd can't go and don't let your guilt make you believe otherwise.

If he goes to a lawyer or tries to get a restraining order he'll need to provide evidence that you have harmed or threatened to harm him. Which of course you haven't.

You made him aware your new partners house was close to his before he bought it. He chose to still buying knowing there was a risk he'd bump into you both. It's like buying a house across from a pub and complaining it's noisy on a Saturday night.

Let him go to the solicitor about you walking down a road!
At least you’ve got evidence of his behaviour towards you because of the texts!
Youve done nothing wrong

Your ex doesn't own the road, it's a public route, and I'd be surprised if there was anything legally he could do. All you've done is walk down the road, it's not like you've actually approached him. He also had the option to pull out of that house purchase and find one on another street if he really thought it was going to be a problem, he knew your new partner lived there. Carry on taking that route and sod him.

You were an awful person to him and he is still hurting. He doesn’t want to see you running down the road with your new partner-the man that you ended your marriage and broke up your family for .
I am sure there is not only one pavement/ road that you can use that forces you by his house - I don’t buy it
most people don’t have to deal with seeing the ex that cheated on them with the new partner walking by their home . I can see how it’s upsetting for him . my ex partner left me with a newborn baby and paraded his girlfriend front of my face as she lived in the street opposite me. It was absolutely awful to deal with and unless you’ve been in that situation you don’t know how it feels.
But in saying that it is a public street and you are entitled to walk down it and I didn’t abuse my ex over it although I wanted to!

as for him buying near your ex partners house, you say he didn’t realise it at the time. it is difficult buying a new home for him to just let it go Just because it’s near your ex partners house is ridiculous. It’s also convenient for the children.

you do have the right however to not be abused and harassed
make it clear to him that you will not tolerate any more abusive messages and that they will be reported if he continues and that you cannot change the past. I don’t know if you are friendly with anyone that he knows, but you could suggest that he goes and sees a therapist to deal with his feelings
as for you - you have spent a very long time in a marriage and then gone directly into another relationship - I would suggest that you need time on your own . Your new relationship won’t last