That he's not apologised?

[wuell]

NC'd as the details could be outing.

DP and I have two properties but are soon moving into one. We spend mon-fri at one (which was originally mine) and the weekend at another (which was originally his). We've been together for nearly 3 years. This morning, I tried to unplug a charger that I use regularly but in fairness, have never unplugged before and I didn't realise (nor had DP ever told me) that it was precariously placed in that socket and to remove it would break it. DP went mental when he saw that I'd taken it out and -this is the part that really bothered me- shouted that I had no right to touch it and that it isn't mine. Everything I have, I share with DP and to get so precious over this is just madness to me (we have other chargers for the same device). I went and had a cry privately and have not had an apology since then, he's spoken generally but barely about other things, but DP has just informed me that he isn't coming to something we have planned tonight with someone else (and it's too late to cancel totally as they're already en route) so I'm now having to go on my own. AIBU for being annoyed at the lack of apology?

Yes, he thinks he has you now so he can abuse you.

If you're sitting there thinking "They are wrong" by all means go and see if you can have a rational conversation with him and get an apology. I bet you don't.

Time to start RUNNING. Money now is better than years of pain and torture.

Unless you have actually sold it rather than just agreed a sale, you can.

Call your solicitors in the morning and stop the sale.

This is the moment that you will look back at and kick yourself for not getting out now.

It took me about 20 years to get out of the same situation. Don't do it.

Pull out of the sale.
Dump him.
Go back to your own home.

Why did you unplug the charger?

Why does it matter?

Oh dear - proceed in this relationship at your peril

Is he like this often? He should 100% apologise to you,. If this behaviour was a one off the fact it was over something so small could indicate he's feeling stressed about something. I would try and have an open and calm chat with him

What are the other red flags OP?

This. He has you now, op.

this actually happened to my best friend. She had her house for years and years. No mortgage on it either. She and her dp bought together after they were together a few years and rented out the first. Then after a couple of years, and a baby later, she sold her original house and used the money towards updating the ‘joint’ property, which was actually only in his name. Almost immediately, he hit her for the first time ever. No signs of violence at all prior to that. Nothing. Not even aggression / anger. And she had nowhere to go. She even remarked that it’s funny this happened almost as soon as her house was sold.

do not put the money into his house.

This is how abusive relationships start op he thinks he’s got your trapped now that you’ve sold your house. Do not buy a house with this man take the money from the sale of your house and buy yourself somewhere new and tell him to get fucked.

I agree. I would not get into anything financial with a man like this. What else is he going to decide is his? what other vile behaviour will you discover, when you have conveniently (for him) given up your own home?

Do not put anything into a joint account. I would take this tantrum as a very lucky warning.

Seems convenient that you were the one who sold their house to move in with him, he now holds that power.
Pull the sale of your house if you can, or immediately rent somewhere. Don't move in with him, you know somethings off, go with your gut with this one. Get out of it now.
I wish you luck x

Maybe he’s not sorry? Maybe he’s angry at you and is awaiting your apology?

Has he been like this at all before? If not then I'd be worried that he's showing his true self now that you've sold/are selling your property.
It's a charger ffs!

Ugh. Would you accept that from a friend? If he can get into such a strop over nothing and strop further to avoid admitting he is wrong his ego is a massive issue and it will feature heavily.

Stop the sale, take your money and GO. This is not good.

All of you telling OP to LTB are absolutely hysterical. All we know from the OP is that this is a one off event. You have no idea why he reacted like that, if he's ever done it before or if he'll ever do it again. Have none of you ever snapped at your partner for nothing?

Yes, of course, you might be right about him showing his true colours but equally you may not. It's simply not possible to tell and yet you're all shouting at the OP that hes emotionally abusive, to pull out of her house sale, no doubt at great expense, and to throw away a three year relationship after, as far as we know, one event!

Yes, he was wrong to snap, yes he's been being petty and spiteful to pull out of tonight's event, yes he should apologise, but as a one off event I just don't think that's grounds to end a relationship.

OP, be aware of the potential for emotional abuse, but I think it's fair to give him a chance to rectify this situation in the first instance.

Of course if you come back and tell us that he does this once a month that's a mega drip feed...

This...

Luckily he's not your husband. There's no way in hell I'd move in with a partner who showed me this side of him. It's a HUGE red flag! Who the hell is he? Who you think he is and who he is hiding, is a massive concern.

How long have you been together?
Are you thinking of getting married?
Do you have children?

You are in a precarious situation, but all is not lost yet, as you are still financially independent, and able to re-settle, in a safe space.

It may be one little over-the-top outburst, but this makes me think there is much more to him than meets the eye.

Be careful, what you commit to with him, and don't leave yourself in a financially vulnerable situation.

This...

Do not put ANY money into his house. It could have been his plan all along. Men are very good a wooing. Women can be suckers for all the right words. Many have barely lived to tell the tale. The men benefit.

You have a long time regret not taking on the concerns of the female Mumsnetters, some of whom know only too well, what it's like to be in this situation.

No excuses for this behaviour over something so trivial. To add fuel to the fire, he's now acting as if nothing happened. If he's like this now, can you imagine living with him and having to walk on eggshells the whole time? Having to ask permission to do things in his house, over the fear of upsetting him.
That's not a life. That is a sentence. Walking into it with open eyes will not make it any better. You have no control over anyone else's actions.

Why the heck does it matter? Why are you not more concerned with his reaction? Very strange.🤔

Don't think OP wants to hear the truth. :-(

What is he like normally? I would not be moving in with him and if possible I would try and pull the sale of your house. Make sure the money from the sale goes into an account that only you can access

Oh. You should want to. That’s a shame. He’s a prick.

What’s yours is his and what’s his is his.

Well, he's made it very very clear that there is his stuff and your stuff and you have no rights over his stuff.

Don't move in with him. It's not too late.