Page 2 | Not all teens are awful

Bagpuss2022 · 2023-04-03T14:42:36+00:00

I live in a tiny culdecac 8 houses but it has cut throughs so is quite busy, I live slap bang inbetween two primary schools so it gets busy my DD didn’t get in either not that I’m bitter .. she’s at high school now so time to let it go. this one teen picks his little sister up every day he’s about 14/15 she’s about 8 he holds her hand he laughs with her picked her up last week when she fell over. He’s a lovely kid and I do think there are more lovely kids than bad I see them every day would love to be able to tell there parents/carers how lovely he is but isn’t it weird that I notice? I have two adult children who went to the school he goes and my DD goes there now. my Aibu is not all teens are thugs or a nuisance they are just mini adults finding there way in the world

ClaraThePigeon · 03/04/2023 16:08

They also care about the environment and equality etc much more than when I was 15.

That explains the huge trail of litter every lunchtime that extends from the local Supermarket back to the local High school.

TeenLifeMum · 03/04/2023 16:10

My 15yo is lovely and so are her friends… I never understand the comments about teens being rude and stroppy. I love hanging out with her.

SoupDragon · 03/04/2023 16:10

SpinningFloppa · 03/04/2023 15:50

I said not ALL but yes most teens are horrible

most of the teens I know aren't awful.

you must just know awful people 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lyricallie · 03/04/2023 16:11

I’m a guide leader so they are definitely younger teens and they’re all girls and I’ve never had an issue with any of them. They are always so funny and genuinely just want to have fun with their friends. So definitely agree with OP that it’s a shame they all get tarred with the same brush. Also all the posters here were teenagers at some point. Were we all awful? I doubt it.

Fairislefandango · 03/04/2023 16:11

In my Asian culture, there are high standards expected of teens and (generally) these are met.

I think if we respect teens, allow for some minor mood swings etc, and didn’t pigeonhole them as aggressive yobs, we would all be better off. They also care about the environment and equality etc much more than when I was 15.

Some of them care. Not the many who are making racist, sexist and homophobic remarks, defacing school property and leaving litter eveverywhere. They don't do this 'because they are labelled as yobs'. Schools work really hard to encourage inclusiveness and to get kids involved with good initiatives. Schools have a lot of awareness of mental health issues and support students with their issues.

ABitOfAChange · 03/04/2023 16:13

Fairislefandango · 03/04/2023 16:11

In my Asian culture, there are high standards expected of teens and (generally) these are met.

I think if we respect teens, allow for some minor mood swings etc, and didn’t pigeonhole them as aggressive yobs, we would all be better off. They also care about the environment and equality etc much more than when I was 15.

Some of them care. Not the many who are making racist, sexist and homophobic remarks, defacing school property and leaving litter eveverywhere. They don't do this 'because they are labelled as yobs'. Schools work really hard to encourage inclusiveness and to get kids involved with good initiatives. Schools have a lot of awareness of mental health issues and support students with their issues.

Do you work in a school and hate teens?

unclebuck · 03/04/2023 16:13

The same proportion of every group are 'awful'. It is just acceptable to dislike and mock teenagers.
I was very very unwell for a year and due to my circumstance often relied on the kindness of strangers. These were often teenager boys who were so kind on so many occasions. I employ 50 teenagers now and think they are amazing, so kind, energetic and capable of change.

Fairislefandango · 03/04/2023 16:13

My 15yo is lovely and so are her friends… I never understand the comments about teens being rude and stroppy. I love hanging out with her.

Because your 15yo is lovely, you can't understand that not all teenagers are?! I love hanging out with my teen dc too. I'm under no illusions that most teenagers are like them though.

Original poster

Bagpuss2022 · 03/04/2023 16:20

Reading these responses I agree in any section of society you have the bad apples surly my example I have kids 21 18 13 and we live on probably one of the most deprived areas of the uk do I see and hear about anti social behaviour yes but just as the same as when I lived in a leafy village in the south of anything now I’m out of there it’s worse

OP posts:

Fairislefandango · 03/04/2023 16:23

Do you work in a school and hate teens?

No! If I hated teens I wouldn't be working in a school. I mostly love my job. I already said upthread that I don't think the majority of teens are awful. Like I said, most are fine, some are fantastic, some are awful. And some of the awful behaviour is perpetrated by teens who actually aren't awful deep-down - they are just troubled or going through a phase and will grow out of it.

However, the people who think all teens are lovely, bright and egalitarian are just as wrong as those who think all teens are awful. Many teenagers are nearly adults, and they are old enough to be held responsible when they do awful things.

I have recently escaped from a job in a school where the behaviour was upsettingly bad, and my dc are experiencing similar, so I have pretty strong feelings about that. But every day in my new job (and for much of my career) I have really enjoyed working with teens (even the not-so-well-behaved ones).

ApocalypseNowt · 03/04/2023 16:31

When I was pregnant (both times) teenage boys won the "group most likely to help the pregnant lady" award.

Giving up seats on buses, holding doors, helping with the pram. They were great!

ABitOfAChange · 03/04/2023 16:37

Fairislefandango · 03/04/2023 16:23

Do you work in a school and hate teens?

No! If I hated teens I wouldn't be working in a school. I mostly love my job. I already said upthread that I don't think the majority of teens are awful. Like I said, most are fine, some are fantastic, some are awful. And some of the awful behaviour is perpetrated by teens who actually aren't awful deep-down - they are just troubled or going through a phase and will grow out of it.

However, the people who think all teens are lovely, bright and egalitarian are just as wrong as those who think all teens are awful. Many teenagers are nearly adults, and they are old enough to be held responsible when they do awful things.

I have recently escaped from a job in a school where the behaviour was upsettingly bad, and my dc are experiencing similar, so I have pretty strong feelings about that. But every day in my new job (and for much of my career) I have really enjoyed working with teens (even the not-so-well-behaved ones).

’I love hanging out with my teen dc too. I'm under no illusions that most teenagers are like them though.

‘most are fine, some are fantastic, some are awful.’

So what are ‘most’ like then? You seem to keep changing your mind.

Fairislefandango · 03/04/2023 16:43

So what are ‘most’ like then? You seem to keep changing your mind.

No, I'm not changing my mind at all, and the statements you quoted are not at all contradictory. I think my two teens are wonderful, and have repeatedly said that I think most teens are fine and some are wonderful. So, logically that means I don't think most teens are like my dc, but some are.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/04/2023 16:45

My two were wonderful when they were teens. I loved being able to listen to their opinions on every subject imaginable and observe how they matured and navigated their way to adulthood. We always had the best conversations and I miss that stage in their lives every day. I would give anything to have one more day of that.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 03/04/2023 16:47

My teen has ASD and is having a really hard time atm. Yet is still being supportive of a younger sibling's huge sporting achievements (even when they h can't manage to take part in anything themselves). Being an older sibling is a responsibility they hold dear...

UWhatNow · 03/04/2023 16:53

Fairislefandango · 03/04/2023 16:23

Do you work in a school and hate teens?

No! If I hated teens I wouldn't be working in a school. I mostly love my job. I already said upthread that I don't think the majority of teens are awful. Like I said, most are fine, some are fantastic, some are awful. And some of the awful behaviour is perpetrated by teens who actually aren't awful deep-down - they are just troubled or going through a phase and will grow out of it.

However, the people who think all teens are lovely, bright and egalitarian are just as wrong as those who think all teens are awful. Many teenagers are nearly adults, and they are old enough to be held responsible when they do awful things.

I have recently escaped from a job in a school where the behaviour was upsettingly bad, and my dc are experiencing similar, so I have pretty strong feelings about that. But every day in my new job (and for much of my career) I have really enjoyed working with teens (even the not-so-well-behaved ones).

I’ve worked in rough secondary schools and met those kids @Fairislefandango - hell, I was a fucked up teen myself - but they’re not born like that. Circumstances shape them into dicks. But the beauty of teens, is that there is enough raw material and still enough of the child left that with love and patience they can still be redeemed.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 03/04/2023 16:58

Thanks for this thread OP. I’ve always especially hated those posts saying teen girls are bound to be rude, obnoxious nightmares. Our two never were.

Fiddlesticksand · 03/04/2023 17:00

I have four teenagers. They are all lovely people. YANBU.

ABitOfAChange · 03/04/2023 17:00

UWhatNow · 03/04/2023 16:53

I’ve worked in rough secondary schools and met those kids @Fairislefandango - hell, I was a fucked up teen myself - but they’re not born like that. Circumstances shape them into dicks. But the beauty of teens, is that there is enough raw material and still enough of the child left that with love and patience they can still be redeemed.

Show quote history

That’s lovely to read. I feel sad for teens who have been failed by the adults around them. And then people expect the worst of them, all they hear is negative feedback and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

The ones that meet adults who can encourage them and believe in them are lucky. I guess for some it’s too late and the home environment has ruined things for them. Once they are adults, it’s much harder to turn things around.

Fairislefandango · 03/04/2023 17:22

No they absolutely aren't born like that, and it's heart-breaking when you find out what some of them have been through. You can see why they behave the way they do, and why however much you try to give them support and chance after chance, it's often not enough. It's wonderful when you see students like this make progress and gain some hope for the future.

Unfortunately some of the worst behaviour can also ruin other peoples' lives, including the lives of other vulnerable teens. Supporting traumatised teens while trying to protect others from the effects of those teens' behaviour is a difficult challenge.

Comefromaway · 03/04/2023 17:28

Only a couple of days ago a great teen was telling me how the actions of one teacher turned his life around. It happened to be a music teacher. You know, that subject the government are steadily de-funding.

ClaireandTed · 03/04/2023 17:36

This is a lovely thread to read. My gorgeous nine year old son who has cerebral palsy will go to secondary in 2024. The kids in his current primary class are amazing, but most kids at secondary won't know him and will no doubt see him as the 'weird one'.

Most threads on here seem to describe the majority of teenagers as violent and nasty, and secondary schools as scary places to be, so I have been terrified he will be bullied or even attacked and knocked over in the toilets or something.

Fingers crossed he will be lucky and not be crushed by the secondary experience.