My distant partner

6 replies

Realjournal123 · 03/04/2023 13:26

I’ve been with my partner for 22 years. We have two teenage boys and he has two older children who lived with us when they were very young and I took great care of them for 7 years.
He’s very secretive and last year took an apartment abroad. He visits there regularly. When he returns he’s always very distant and quiet. He only becomes chatty when he talks about this place where he spends a lot of time.
Our home life is interspersed with no money problems really but our home is in danger. Reasons I can’t be too open about. All I ask him is when are we getting another and he brushes me off constantly. Last night he told me he wants out because he’s sick of me nagging him about the house situation. I’ve asked him if he wants to get a house( we desperately need one) he has plenty of money to get one.
Ive seen he has messaged other women in the past but I’ve no proof or I actually dont believe he’s seeing other women. Do I persevere to get a house and play needy and vulnerable or do I call his bluff and tell him to fuck off out of our lives?

OP posts:

Fortheloveofus · 03/04/2023 14:06

You keep saying that he had the money, but if you did decide to leave (which I think you should seriously consider) are you financially independent to be able to do that?
You call his your partner of 22 years, but you're not married?
I'm confused about the apartment he took on abroad - he rents or he purchased snd for what purpose? Does he do business over there or he just takes breaks? Have you ever been with him to this apartment?
I know you said you can't give to much away, which I appreciate, but it's all a little confusing. Are you renting and getting kicked out?

Original poster

Realjournal123 · 03/04/2023 19:25

Yes he rents abroad long term and no I’m not invited there. I’m not at present financially independent otherwise I wouldnt be with him. He goes abroad when he gets bored with us on the premise it’s for work. He barely calls and when I call I have to hear about his fabulous meals costing £400.
Mother’s Day he didn’t wish me as he said ‘ you’re not my mother!’
I have to be everything g to him so as to keep him from leaving, being moody etc.
Our home is under threat and he owns it but the bank are now in charge. If you know what I mean. He’s irresponsible.

OP posts:

Original poster

Realjournal123 · 03/04/2023 19:26

Also I’m desperate for info on the home regarding g the problem but he tells me he’s in control which he isn’t. All I ask is that he buys us another home.

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LiliLil · 03/04/2023 19:27

Are you married?

If not wait it out, get the house and make sure your name is on the deed.

Why do women do this?! You’ve raised his children and now you’re at risk of being homeless with no money if you don’t play vulnerable and beg!

IamSmarticus · 03/04/2023 19:35

I don't understand how he owns your house but the bank are now in charge, and if the bank are about to repossess it, how can he afford another one?

I think you should leave as soon as you can, he's taking the piss.

Mother’s Day he didn’t wish me as he said ‘ you’re not my mother!’
I'm with him on that one though, you aren't his mother. Your two teenagers should be wishing you happy mothers day.

Fortheloveofus · 03/04/2023 19:38

I'm not sure I do understand, sorry. He owns the family home but the bank are in charge? Is he under threat of bankruptcy or liquidation, is it about to be repossessed?
The whole situation seems incredibly confusing, toxic and abusive. You really must take some legal advice on where you stand in regards claim on the property etc and get yourself out of there as soon as possible. You and your DC truly deserve more than this

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