Just a rant about my exH

[BarbaraVineFan]

My XH lives abroad (thousands of miles away) with the woman he left me for, while I live here in the UK with our 3 year old DD. He pays a generous amount of money each month and we talk on facetime every Saturday and Sunday usually. Other than that, he doesn't see DD (except when he came over at Christmas and saw her for two days), he doesn't text me to ask how she is or anything. If I send pics he will only ever reply 'haha cute' or something, or send a heart emoji, like he is a random friend rather than her dad.

Fair enough, I am happy to have sole care of DD because she is amazing and it's his loss. But I already think it's pretty sad for her that she barely has any contact with her dad.

This weekend I have been really annoyed and upset though. Yesterday he texted me to say he has a cold (!) and could we not talk, because his voice has gone. I was like, fair enough, maybe he is feeling rough. But today it was our day to talk again...and nothing. Not a message, not even 'I'm sorry, I'm still ill'...nothing!!

AIBU to be angry and upset and think this is incredibly crap?

So

It's shitty but he chose not to be involved when he moved so far away for another woman and leave his kid behind. (I'm not suggesting he should have took her, he shouldn't).

I don't think you need much more of a reply to the pictures you send. Sending a lengthy message back rather than 'really cute' or whatever won't make up for the fact he is a shit dad.

He pays for her and doesn't see her much in real life. She will realise what he's like when she grows up and wonders why he's never there.

...and still nothing today. It just makes me feel that he doesn't care about DD- out of sight, out of mind :(

It's properly shit and he is losing out. I'm not exactly in your position but my ex husband does spend less and less time with our 5 year old and it is upsetting, you feel angry and upset on their behalf because they're so amazing and one of their parents just isn't interested.

In your position though I think I'd stop sending photos. I understand the need to show someone, send them to your parents, friends, other people who love her. If he isn't asking and is barely responding, I think you should work with the level of contact he has set. That will also stop you feeling crappy when he doesn't respond in the way you would like.

Unfortunately he doesn't care - if he did, he wouldn't have fucked off abroad with another woman.

Personally I would stop initiating any contact with him. Let him call. Let him ask for photos and updates and information about his child.

It's sad for your DD but she barely knows him and will likely forget all about him if he stops making an effort.

said kindly, you are flogging a dead horse here. Good parents don’t leave the country for another woman and call only on the weekend and don’t bother seeing them in real life.

mentallly let go. Accept he’s a crap father. Take the money, wait till he calls you and massively reduce the photos until you phase them out (unless he asks for them) as he clearly isn’t interested. I think you have to accept that as time goes on it is likely almost all contact will cease

Embrace it OP I wish my exh would emigrate. He also displays disinterest towards our children and it would be easier to explain if he didn't just live around the corner

Mine is also just round the corner. Couldn't give a shit. When i suggested he had her 3 nights in 14 instead of two, he told me that he has to have a social life and time for himself 🙄

Sorry, I should clarify here. So when we got together I moved abroad to be with him - wouldn't have done so otherwise. Stayed abroad for 7 years with my parents getting more and more anxious for us to return and with XH continuing to put off and off the time when he would be ready to move back to UK. Finally he left me for a local woman and then tried to persuade me not to return to UK as it would mean he couldn't see DD. I agreed for a while but then my mum died and my very elderly dad was left alone - I'm an only child. So I returned to the UK. I guess it makes a bit of a difference in that I 'took DD away' but I don't really see what else I could have done under the circumstances.