Changed friendship after new boyfriend arrival

[Sittinginmysunnygarden]

My friend of 20+ years started a new relationship about 2 years ago. I’m married for four years.

Prior to the new relationship we saw each other regularly but not living in each others pockets - lunch on Saturday or dog walk Sunday, that sort of thing. We both work long weekdays.

The new boyfriend is clingy and a bit controlling. He goes away on business usually Tuesday/Wednesday. I now never hear a word unless he’s away. Radio silence and then when he’s gone she returns to her usual communications.

I understand new love takes over and all you want to do is see the boyfriend, but two years in AIBU to be a bit pissed off?

One very weird factor to drop in so as not to drip feed, they have struck up a joint friendship with his single ex! They see her Sundays for lunch and dog walks. Friend is not into weird sexual threesomes so it’s defo not that (just in case anyone jumped at that thought).

Should I just suck it up and appreciate my mid week only friend (who I’m actually too knackered to see mid week)?

Why not speak to your friend about it. Don't go in accusing just say you've noticed these changes in your friendship and you miss her and would like to see or hear from her more. Then the ball is in her court to make more effort. I'd be cautious because if he's very controlling she might not have much option.

Ask her if she's ok, OP.

I'd be concerned that it's abusive and that he is more controlling then you realize.

I have asked her if everything is ok and she was extremely defensive and almost annoyed that I could think it wasn’t.

She claims to be happier than she’s ever been. I think he’s love bombed her but she won’t see it. I suspect he’s calling me a jealous friend.

This happens all the time. Dont mean to diminish your experience but there isn't a great deal you can do about it. Either stick around or let the friendship end.

Yeah you’re right @DrManhattan

I am considering becoming less available to her on the days she gets in touch. I am worried though that she could get into a coercive situation with this guy and feel she won’t be able to tell me about it if we’re not the friends we were (which we’re already not).

In that case, I would set boundaries with her. She's treating you badly, and though you've tried to ask if she's being put under pressure, she became angry at you. I'd say that you will be there for her if things change and she needs you, but you're not willing to be a two-days-a-week friend (or whatever boundary feels right to you).