To want more than one child?

[MsHardy]

We have a lovely two year old and we're just now talking about the possibility of having another. We both always imagined we would have two kids. But we live in an expensive city and can only just afford our mortgage for a small two bed. I don't know how we would afford to move to a bigger place to accommodate another. We can barely afford childcare costs right now without a bigger mortgage on top. We could move out of the city but my partner isn't keen as he grew up here and I worry about finding work.

I had a difficult first pregnancy so I don't know how I would manage looking after a toddler and working with hospital trips, and my partner is freelance so wouldn't be able to take time off to help much.

I'm 36 so don't have endless time to wait to have another. Should I just give up on the idea of having more than one and settle with what I've got or will I always think what if?

YANBU for feeling the way you do OP but I suppose you have to evaluate why you’d want a second DC and if it’s in the best interests of everyone else who is already here

Your first child is still young enough to share a room even if they have a sibling of a different sex to them

I always think having a sibling is preferable to not unless there is a major financial / marital / health issue as to why not.

Childcare costs will be changing over the next 2 years as we all know from the budget announcement so if you choose a childcare placement wisely then you will see the benefit of reduced costs

A second child is not an unreasonable desire. Deciding not to have one deliberately because of other things you also want like: owning a home, living in a more convenient location, being able to afford to pay your bills without too much stress is also reasonable.

Only you guys can decide priorities and know exactly how tight the budget is.

I’ve had this since Dd was 2. She’s 6 now (I’m 34 so similar age) and I’m STILL going back and forth on having a second.

I think sometimes you just have to make the decision and work everything else out afterwards. Planning and worrying doesn’t change anything really. It is slightly easier for me as Dd is now in school so can just about do nursery fees again. But yeah it doesn’t get any easier to make the decision the longer you leave it unfortunately!

I was an only child and didn't have a happy childhood and always wanted a sibling FWIW - but out of interest - can I ask why you think having a sibling is better than not