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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Put DD to nursery or keep her at home?

21 replies

BabyTimeII · 02/04/2023 08:08

I have a one year old. Just found out I’m pregnant. We were TTC. First time round took forever so we started early and still over the moon that it happened so quick.

At the moment DD is at home with DH who is on shared parental leave. We were planning for her to go to nursery when she is one but as the nursery has a long waiting list we decided to wait and she will
go when she is 18months in September.

With the new pregnancy we will have a new baby at the beginning of December. I will be taking maternity leave.

So, should I keep both DCs with me at home or should I leave DD in nursery?

Obviously we would save money by doing the former, but we can manage comfortably if we do the latter. That changes somewhat after my enhanced mat pay ends after 6months.

Main question how are people finding it looking after a new baby and an under two year old? We don’t have any family near by so I will literally be with no help and all the nights will be on me as well.

OP posts:

Strongboat · 02/04/2023 08:10

I'm wondering how DD might feel if as soon as you get a new baby, she has to go to nursery. Might not she feel rejected?

MsFrog · 02/04/2023 08:13

I'd definitely put your DD in nursery. It'll be good for her to get the stimulation and access to lots of activities you probably won't have time or energy for! It'll be good for you to have time alone with your new baby, and you'll likely be glad of the break. Good luck, OP, what lovely news for you

whitebreadjamsandwich · 02/04/2023 08:13

If she starts in September and you have the baby in December, keep her nursery routine. Maybe drop a day if you like, but you'll have a much more successful mat leave and feel a better mum to both if you get a bit of support with her going to nursery

Sacmagique75 · 02/04/2023 08:18

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

A vote for nursery from me. Your ability to sleep, or at the very least rest (at best) and sanity (at worst) will depend upon it.

LuvSmallDogs · 02/04/2023 08:19

It's hard to say, seeing as all births and babies are different.

Adding DS2 to the family when DS1 was 1 felt like a piece of piss tbh, as he was an "easy baby" (in hindsight we wonder about his autism making him not care for being held as much) whereas DS1 had been a screaming colicky limpet of a baby.

I think I'd give having the two of them at home a real shot, your DD's nose is going to be put out of joint enough. And as for bedtimes, well, if you're not rushing out the door for nursery it'll be less pressure to get her to sleep at a good time.

Coffeellama · 02/04/2023 08:22

I would put her in part time, or will be good for her to keep that routine up and make it easier when she has to go back full time. There’s no way I’d put her in full time if I didn’t need to through.

Raggeo · 02/04/2023 08:25

My eldest was 22 months when I had my 2nd. He wasn't at nursery yet and stayed home with the baby and I. It was exhausting! Baby was a terrible sleeper and I guess what you would call "high needs" so was attached to me 24/7. In hindsight I would have loved for my eldest to be at nursery a couple of days a week. However, it is such a short period of life and we did have a lot of fun in amongst the sleep deprivation. Also took the pressure off of needing to be up and out anywhere at a given time. We could do as we pleased.
I think what I'm trying to say is that nursery would have made life easier but I don't really regret having time with both my kids.

JumbledE · 02/04/2023 08:25

I would book DC1 into nursery part time. My first went to nursery 3 mornings a week, starting a few months before my DC2 was born. Worked very well for us :)

toomuchfaster · 02/04/2023 08:25

Bear in mind, if you put her in then pull her out, she'll go back on the waiting list. I'd do part time and continue as nursery places are like gold dust round here.

SunshineAndFizz · 02/04/2023 08:26

Keep her in nursery. 100%.

Bumbers · 02/04/2023 08:31

I have a 10 week old and I am sooo happy DC1 is in nursery. I always feel like my attention is split, with neither getting the full focus they deserve when they are together. Having DC1 another nursery means I get a) some time with DC2 and b) critically, some time to enjoy mat leave / have down time.

Then I can focus more on DC1 when they are out of nursery.

I would not enjoy it at all if DC1 was not in nursery!

Elsamit · 02/04/2023 08:31

I would stick with the nursery routine too especially if she enjoys it. My GC all loved nursery so it was something they looked forward to. One started half days shortly after the birth of a sibling (same age difference as you will have) and there have been no jealousy issues at all as GC absolutely loves nursery. Without family to help you nearby, this could give you a bit of a break (knowing how toddlers can be). All children are different though so maybe a "try it and see" approach.

PortiasBiscuit · 02/04/2023 08:33

Get your DD into nursery, get her used to it before the baby comes. Send her two days a week after the baby is born, so you can have some time concentrating on the baby.
I did exactly this, it worked really well for everyone. On the days I had two children we went to soft play and toddler group and visited friends. When it was just me and baby we bunkered in at home and I was able to rest.
This was probably the happiest part of my very happy life.

Daisydu · 02/04/2023 08:33

id put her into nursery. I’ve had 2 under 2 twice now and it’s hard work I will not lie.
Especially since you have no family around to help out when needed

Theelephantinthecastle · 02/04/2023 08:35

A lot depends on how she finds nursery. DS1 loved it and would have seen being taken out while I was on maternity leave with ds2 as a punishment and resented the baby for it. Other children might hate being away from you and the baby

As ever, I think the halfway house is usually the right answer - 3 days in nursery works for a lot of people

Number24Bus · 02/04/2023 08:35

Can she go to nursery for say 3 mornings a week? If so then definitely yes, but if you mean full time nursery then I think she'll be happier at home with you at that age. I had 2 under 2 by the way!

ActDottie · 02/04/2023 08:57

Could you put DD in nursery just for mornings? That way you save some money and she gets some mummy time too.

Bumbers · 02/04/2023 09:12

I would also add that DC1 LOVES nursery and learns so much there that he wouldn't at home. I know it is controversial, but I would want DC1 in nursery regardless

Cherrybl0ssm · 02/04/2023 09:19

We were in your position. Part time nursery two - three days a week would be ideal.
Good routine for her. A break and a chance to rest for you.

Maryandherlamb · 02/04/2023 09:48

I'd suggest 3 days a week nursery to start off with. Some people find the step from 1 to 2 alright, and others struggle. I found it really challenging because I couldn't meet both of their needs. They wouldn't nap at the same time so I didn't get any down time at all. My partner works a lot of shifts so I'd often have them both from 6am through to 10pm, and we have no family nearby. We ended up increasing my eldest to 4 days at nursery temporarily and then stepping him down again when things got a bit easier.

Original poster

BabyTimeII · 02/04/2023 10:01

Thanks for all the comments. This is very helpful, I kept thinking maybe we should just forget the nursery in September and keep her at home and somehow muddle through with two at home full time.

But we will start the nursery in September and then see what adjustment we will make once the baby arrives. I’m thinking she is probably going to love nursery as she is very sociable, but we will only know once she actually starts.

It is a nice nursery some 10mins walk away so definitely don’t want to lose the place on the waiting list.

OP posts:

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