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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Food in the office

52 replies

Randomworkmoan · 01/04/2023 22:38

Anyone else work in a place where people seem to constantly talk about or bring in food?

It was always a foodie office, cakes for birthdays (no issue at all), bags of creggs sausage rolls or pastries weekly, bags of chocolate bars to share but manageable and everyone loves the odd treat but we had someone new transfer from another department in December and honestly it's just become too much. Constantly bringing in baked goods, dinners for the office, chocolate, asking if I want pizza for lunch, Chinese for lunch, McDonald's for lunch, it's relentless.

I will admit I struggle with my weight anyway and while I absolutely have no issue with the odd treat, it now feels like it's being shoved in my face and it's beyond annoying.

Anyone else have this and how did you handle it? Aibu? I just want to come to work, feed myself and not get fed by a pushy colleague when I am already struggling to get my weight down. Ffs can people not just feed themselves, why feed the fucking office?

Monday I was chatting to the tea lady about her weekend and she said she baked a cake for nieces birthday, in conversation I said oh I do like a red velvet cake and Tuesday morning colleague arrives in with a red velvet cake just for me and another cake for the office. Wednesday I got an Easter Egg, Thursday I was off and they were off Friday but Mondayno doubt it will be something else or another request for take away for lunch!

They are very nice but it's starting to effect how I feel about them, they are irritating me so much. I know one or two others don't like it either but I haven't discussed it with anyone bar those I am close to, though I get mixed vibes from the others, some seem to look a bit wtf at the ott offerings but then others seem happy.

Aibu? Should I suck it up? If not please tell me how to stop this, I have said jokingly to please stop feeding me, I have called them a feeder. I left the cake in the tea room and didn't eat it, what else can I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Randomworkmoan · 02/04/2023 00:07

AnyMucca · 02/04/2023 00:04

Feeders at work are a fuckin PITA. People who think it's nice of them and it is as simple as saying no are naive, until they've had a week with Mrs Doyle, oh go on, go on , go on...

Thank you!! That's exactly what it's like, working with Mrs. Doyle!!

OP posts:
Daisybee6 · 02/04/2023 00:08

It is a bit weird though isn't it? Hearing that your colleague likes red velvet cake so going home that night and baking them a whole one.
Some people seem to think it's really kind and sweet but I think it's a bit strange.
For someone's birthday, yes definitely, the next day for no reason, no.

Original poster
Randomworkmoan · 02/04/2023 00:18

Daisybee6 · 02/04/2023 00:08

It is a bit weird though isn't it? Hearing that your colleague likes red velvet cake so going home that night and baking them a whole one.
Some people seem to think it's really kind and sweet but I think it's a bit strange.
For someone's birthday, yes definitely, the next day for no reason, no.

To be fair it was shop bought, which may be less weird. I do think it was very ott. Now in general they do give food gifts to others at other times. But up to this all food was communal, bar birthday cake, which was communal in the sense that after the birthday person cut it it was left in the tea room. The take away requests only seem to be me and the whole cake was only for me though, as were some of the other chocolates etc .

OP posts:
ClairDeLaLune · 02/04/2023 00:19

That would drive me up the wall OP. Especially being baked a cake. You can’t even tell them to shove it where you’d like them to without appearing incredibly ungrateful. Could you develop a gluten / dairy allergy or something and say you can’t take any risks with food? Oh no just thought they’d probably bake you a GF / DF cake which would be horrible! Don’t know what the solution is, just know that YADNBU.

Daisybee6 · 02/04/2023 00:25

Randomworkmoan · 02/04/2023 00:18

To be fair it was shop bought, which may be less weird. I do think it was very ott. Now in general they do give food gifts to others at other times. But up to this all food was communal, bar birthday cake, which was communal in the sense that after the birthday person cut it it was left in the tea room. The take away requests only seem to be me and the whole cake was only for me though, as were some of the other chocolates etc .

Show quote history

Even shop bought I still find it weird

If someone in work just presented me with a whole cake just for me for no reason, I'd feel embarrassed and be wondering why they're giving me a whole cake to myself.

If you take in your own lunch can you just tell them your sticking to your lunches from now on? Or say you're not eating takeaways for the foreseeable?

I can see how annoying it would be though, if you're staring at your soggy luke warm sandwich and they're offering you chinese food

VyeBrator · 02/04/2023 00:29

ClairDeLaLune · 02/04/2023 00:19

That would drive me up the wall OP. Especially being baked a cake. You can’t even tell them to shove it where you’d like them to without appearing incredibly ungrateful. Could you develop a gluten / dairy allergy or something and say you can’t take any risks with food? Oh no just thought they’d probably bake you a GF / DF cake which would be horrible! Don’t know what the solution is, just know that YADNBU.

The solution is, "I don't want any cake or takeaway as I'm trying to eat healthily but thanks".

It's Ramadan at the moment and as I work nights, the staffroom table looks like a royal banquet.

My body, my responsibility though so I don't get annoyed or sweary about other people offering me food, even though I accept it's hard to say no.

Original poster
Randomworkmoan · 02/04/2023 00:34

Daisybee6 · 02/04/2023 00:25

Even shop bought I still find it weird

If someone in work just presented me with a whole cake just for me for no reason, I'd feel embarrassed and be wondering why they're giving me a whole cake to myself.

If you take in your own lunch can you just tell them your sticking to your lunches from now on? Or say you're not eating takeaways for the foreseeable?

I can see how annoying it would be though, if you're staring at your soggy luke warm sandwich and they're offering you chinese food

Show quote history

That's exactly what I was like with the cake!

We both bring lunch every day and we don't eat lunch together for the most part. We get a 30 minute lunch but can take it anywhere between 1 and 2.30, I tend to go on the later side unless I am hungry. But from 11am ish it's "will we get a pizza/McDonald's/chinese", I have never once said yes but it still happens at least 3 times a week. And it's just a case of "will we..." and me saying "no", there's always a "oh go on I would love one, if not today less start getting a take away every friday", I say nope to that too and then the next day rolls around and it's groundhog day but with a different take away

OP posts:
ButterCrackers · 02/04/2023 00:39

Just say thank you but no thanks as you have to watch your sugar levels. All is ok but you are following your doctors advice.

Luredbyapomegranate · 02/04/2023 00:44

Just say - thanks for all the offers of takeaways and cakes, but I don’t usually have them during the week, so would you stop asking, thanks.

I agree with you that they’re a feeder, but saying so isn’t especially kind (they appear to be a bit nuts), and it isn’t going to solve the problem - you need to tell them to stop asking.

Rebel2 · 02/04/2023 01:05

Mine is full of gym people. If you want a protein shake, pre workout, rice cake, tin of tuna or any supplement you can think of then it's there
Handy sometimes Grin

WandaWonder · 02/04/2023 01:49

I just say no, occasionally I have something, but I just ignore the food

I don't care what people bring in I am happy for them. I just happily say 'no thanks'

It's not complicated

Isledelaray · 02/04/2023 02:32

I understand what you mean.

It's well meaning I'm sure but also frustrating to be put on the end of and constantly have to say no or feeling like you have to.explain why.

I would rather be left alone to just eat what I want, when I want, without constantly being asked if I want X Y or Z.

I would find the Red Velvet thing annoying too. I am an adult, if I like something, I'm.perfectly capable of getting it myself, when I want it. Slightly different if someone remembered it was my favourite on my birthday etc but the next day is odd and a bit sycophantic.

It's stuff like this why I struggle to work in an office with the same mix of random people, day in, day out. As this thread shows, everyone is expected to be tolerant of everything when in reality, its the not the case at all.

HoppingPavlova · 02/04/2023 02:41

Don’t be a drama llama. Just say no to the group stuff and if given to you individually, just say ‘it doesn’t work with my diet unfortunately so I’m going to leave it in the tea room for others to partake’, and put that on repeat. How hard can it be?

JudgeRudy · 02/04/2023 02:49

Heroicallyfound · 01/04/2023 22:40

Say no! Over and over. What’s stopping you saying no?

This

Thepossibility · 02/04/2023 03:42

I think them buying you your own special cake is weirder actually.
Some people bake as a hobby, that's one thing. She's gone and spent money on a cake for you.
Anything she got me I would immediately announce to the office that I have a Toblerone/red velvet cake/whatever for sharing.
She'll soon get annoyed you're stealing her suck up brownie points Grin

W0tnow · 02/04/2023 03:58

I ve never worked in a place like that and yes, I’d say no, and yes, I’d be irritated and yes, it’s really odd.

ask them to come for a run with you at lunch time. When they say no, you know what to do. “Oh, go on, go, on, you’ll love it, go on. Ok, why don’t we all go every Friday?” 😂

Tlolljs · 02/04/2023 04:08

I think it’s weirder buying one than baking one.
Just have to keep saying no really. It’s not about you it’s making herself look good.

blebbleb · 02/04/2023 04:16

I work in an office of 20 people and there's always a birthday or holiday treats. They get left in a certain area and I just don't take any. Simple as that. No one is forcing you.

Palmface · 02/04/2023 04:31

W0tnow · 02/04/2023 03:58

I ve never worked in a place like that and yes, I’d say no, and yes, I’d be irritated and yes, it’s really odd.

ask them to come for a run with you at lunch time. When they say no, you know what to do. “Oh, go on, go, on, you’ll love it, go on. Ok, why don’t we all go every Friday?” 😂

This! I've worked in an office like this and for some reason felt it crossed a line, I just felt it was too personal or something when I just wanted to get on with my work.

Try the exercise line!

lovemelongtime · 02/04/2023 07:29

Could you not take them on one side and nicely explain that you are trying to lose weight and their constant offering of food is actually quite stressful, and whilst you realise they are trying to be nice, please stop. Be honest.

iloveautumn3 · 02/04/2023 07:47

People in my office order food in. I have never been asked and although I would say no I feel left out. People can't win, it is better to ask everyone than to leave someone out.

TenTwentyAtCheltenhamSandwich · 02/04/2023 07:47

Everyone appears to be watching their weight, how many of us have been on this imaginary diet for years? After the comment about the velvet cake they probably think that you’re one of those people. You’ve told them, so now you have to be brutal & just put the stuff straight in the bin at work. If anything’s said just tell them that they’re treating you like you’re the bin.

BarrelOfOtters · 02/04/2023 07:55

The takeaway woman….that’s definitely her issue not picking up that you’ve never said yes or shown an interest once.

im more impressed you have a tea lady, I had no idea they still existed.

Monsterpage · 02/04/2023 08:18

As I manager I’ve been asked to step in and speak to people when similar situations have arisen.
in a similar situation I was asked by the staff to speak to another member of staff who was doing similar things bringing in food that people didn’t want to eat for the “team” and trying to get people to take part in take away lunches all the time when people had their own arrangements.
People had told the person no or politely refused sweets and cakes but it kept continuing and it was making people feel uncomfortable and also feeling not able to relax during their lunch break.
I had to explain to the person this and that being part of team included listening and taking in what people said when they told them their preferences.
Being a good team member is not just about bringing in nice baked goods for people - it is about understanding what is important to colleagues.
On this occasion we came to a compromise where 1 day a month we had a lunch with everyone and people brought in dishes to share and everyone sat round for a chat. It actually worked so very well out of an awkward situation. Also as an organisation we were looking into waste so I did also mention to all the staff about food waste at the end of the day when people had brought in cakes etc that were left out and stale and ended up with me chucking a lot of stuff. I wanted people to know that food was regularly being wasted and thrown away which combined with the team lunch did actually reduce incidences of stuff being brought in.
In your situation it may just be you so I would suggest you just say to this person (strongly with confidence) “thank you for thinking about me it is very kind and I feel included but I am watching my weight and my general well being so I have my own system for lunches etc. if I do want to take part in a takeaway I will of course tell you and I feel very confident to do that should the need arise. So please don’t ask me any more as it makes me feel uncomfortable when I have to repeatedly say no and im sure that is not what you want.”
Good luck.

Albiboba · 02/04/2023 08:25

Randomworkmoan · 02/04/2023 00:34

That's exactly what I was like with the cake!

We both bring lunch every day and we don't eat lunch together for the most part. We get a 30 minute lunch but can take it anywhere between 1 and 2.30, I tend to go on the later side unless I am hungry. But from 11am ish it's "will we get a pizza/McDonald's/chinese", I have never once said yes but it still happens at least 3 times a week. And it's just a case of "will we..." and me saying "no", there's always a "oh go on I would love one, if not today less start getting a take away every friday", I say nope to that too and then the next day rolls around and it's groundhog day but with a different take away

Show quote history

Oh for god sake they are just including you. You would no doubt be huffing and puffing if there was always a lunch plan and you weren’t invited.
Just say no, it doesn’t sound like anyone is forcing you!

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