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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL

19 replies

EveryDayIsA · 01/04/2023 15:01

Have been given notice on our private rented property as LL selling this is the second time this has happened. MIL keeps saying to put name donw on Housing Association but me and DH are on decent wages so i feel HA would be more beneficial to someone that really needs it DH and I have decided to buy a house, I've been working weekends to save money for deposit and have finally had an offer accepted on a house. I will have to increase my days at work from 3 days to 4 days which means putting DD in childcare an extra day and DSS in after school club if its the day he is supposed to be with us to afford the increase in cost of living, but would of had to do that anyway if we moved into another private rent. When we told DML we are buying a house and increasing my hours she turned around and said 'I never even thought of buying a house and working when the children where young as I always put the children first before what I wanted'. AIBU to think this is really unfair since I'm already feeling guilty about increasing my hours?

OP posts:
Villssev · 01/04/2023 15:02

Your mil is talking out of her bottom

Mosaic123 · 01/04/2023 15:03

Definitely unfair of her.

You are doing a wonderful thing to help your family in the long run.

Good luck with your purchase.

Villssev · 01/04/2023 15:04

Let me guess

her friend from bingo has a neighbour who has a HA flat?

Villssev · 01/04/2023 15:04

You wouldn’t stand the remotest chance of a HA property!

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 01/04/2023 15:05

Don't even engage. Not worth it.

Utterly brilliant given the current housing market and economy that you've saved for a deposit and been able to buy with small children and childcare to pay for. If ensuring a secure home for them to grow up in isn't putting them first than I would love to know what is.

Huge congratulations on your purchase.

Villssev · 01/04/2023 15:05

Hang on… in your last thread you said you were leaving him?

Pleasepleasenomorecocomelon · 01/04/2023 15:06

The world is q very different place to when your MIL had her DC. I would say working more days to give your DC a stable home IS putting them first.

Original poster
EveryDayIsA · 01/04/2023 15:07

This is what I keep saying, MIL and FIL have always been in HA, however they had no paid employment when DH was younger and times have changed in 30 years, we would have no chance at HA as realistically we can afford to privately rent, just not on DHs full time wage and my three days.

OP posts:
Villssev · 01/04/2023 15:07

No, he has no access to the money, he doesn't even know about it. Ironically my savings come to the same amount as his debt. I was saving to eventually buy a house, but looks like this will never happen now.

so you told your abusive husband about the savings in the end?

Pleasepleasenomorecocomelon · 01/04/2023 15:09

Oh sorry just realised who you are. Your MIL is right, you should be prioritising leaving her loser of a son.

Original poster
EveryDayIsA · 01/04/2023 15:09

Villssev · 01/04/2023 15:07

No, he has no access to the money, he doesn't even know about it. Ironically my savings come to the same amount as his debt. I was saving to eventually buy a house, but looks like this will never happen now.

so you told your abusive husband about the savings in the end?

I did, we attended couples therapy and everything has come out in the open, he's worked to pay the debts and I've worked for house deposit. Managed to do both and move forward

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 01/04/2023 15:10

YANBU. It’s not what you want it’s what you and the children need, stability.

Villssev · 01/04/2023 15:10

You started your abusive threads about 2 months ago

you were planning on leaving him

and in 8 weeks you have made up, told him about the savings and had an offer accepted on a property 🤔

Original poster
EveryDayIsA · 01/04/2023 15:11

Pleasepleasenomorecocomelon · 01/04/2023 15:09

Oh sorry just realised who you are. Your MIL is right, you should be prioritising leaving her loser of a son.

You can see where he gets it from. It's kind of a son can never do any wrong and any bad decisions are my doing. Eg to her the debt is my fault for managing our home finances.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 01/04/2023 15:12

Ignoring any other thread. Stable housing is in the children's interests. I'd only go for what I could afford alone, though, incase of a split.

Villssev · 01/04/2023 15:13

Ponoka7 · 01/04/2023 15:12

Ignoring any other thread. Stable housing is in the children's interests. I'd only go for what I could afford alone, though, incase of a split.

Other threads will demonstrate the chances of a stable home are almost nil

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 01/04/2023 15:15

I would not be buying anything with this loser. Go for the best option for you and your children. You sound a bit deluded if I'm being honest

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 01/04/2023 15:35

Does everyone advance search before posting replies these days? I'm lost!

Villssev · 01/04/2023 15:49

Op won’t be back

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