Not to want to work in care ?

[Notcompatible]

This is being repeatedly presented as an option for me . By professionals and family.

I have disabled dc. I don’t work as I can’t and I’m exhausted. I get carers element but my work coach keeps saying I should still think about work although it’s not something I have to do but to consider it and mentioning care work. Telling me I would be better off financially but to me being better off in money but worse off exhaustion wise is not a good option . I’ve had to ask formally for work not to be mentioned at all as I get carers element and and not required to do any work related activity.

My family are really pushing it. My aunt runs a care agency and is desperate for staff. She knows my background with the dc and past employment means I would be able to do the role. She’s offered me any hours I want and keeps saying I can use her car and won’t take no for an answer. She keeps saying they’ll even help with the dc so I can work but I don’t want to work in care. I’ve asked her to not talk to me about it anymore as I’ve said no thanks.

I rarely get any spare time but when I do I don’t want to be doing elderly care. I do enough caring with my dc. I’ve explained this but I get told that I need some ‘get up and go’. Well for now I don’t. My plan is to get through the next 2 years and reassess. Ds is due some surgeries in the next year and I have to get myself back to a place where I feel I can work.

When I do get back to work I don’t want to work in care - yes fair enough I have a lot of experience in health care needs but that isn’t what I want to do as a career and I feel like I’ve been designated a career by others and it’s irritating me they think that’s what i should do.

I feel like I’ve alienated family now as they tried to help but it’s not anything that will actually help me in the way I need. Offering childcare so that I can swap caring for the dc to drive round caring for elderly people isn’t what I want or need. If they offered to have the dc so I could get some rest or pop out to a cafe with a book that would be what I need 😞

I totally get where your aunt is coming from - you do have great experience - but have you tried saying I don't want to? For some reason this one statement seems to stop annoying people in their tracks. Another good one is no that doesn't work for me. Also walking away from a conversation. Or hanging up the phone. Just don't engage. Don't worry about their feelings - they certainly don't care about yours.

It’s true I suppose I have experience but I don’t want to do it, I do for my dc as I love them and there’s no choice but I find it hard and exhausting and challenging. To do it for a stranger would be impossible . I feel like I’ve used up my ‘personal allowance’ of being able to care for others .

I think they are trying to be kind I get that and if it was something different maybe I’d feel differently ? When im ready to work again I want to do something that’s going to feel like a break from and very different to caring

Tell your work coach your children's needs are too extensive to allow you to have the capacity to work currently. You are looking to reevaluate the situation after your child's operations.

Go to a cafe and read with a book

I know this sounds silly and probably like some kind of fantasy but despite being exhausted I want a job in future where o have to get up and get ready and go somewhere to do something that’s not caring. Just for the escapism I think and it would probably still be that I’m tired but at least I wouldn’t be a carer 24/7 of that makes any sense . If my aunt had a different job to offer and was offering childcare help or actually consider it. I feel like all I’m seen as is a carer and that’s really hard for me

Obviously no disrespect to carers but I think I’m worn down by caring for my children so having caring as a job as well just fills me with dread

And tell you aunt that you for their support but yes what @StrictlyAFemaleFemale said that doesn't work for me right now.

Tbh I suspect your aunts interest isn't entirely altruistic. Care agencies are desperate for staff currently. Carers allowance allows you to earn and pay/write off some of that pay to pay for the care for the person you care for.

So essentially your aunt would benefit financially from the share she takes of your pay. She could then get you to pay her to provide care for your child and take a share of that too. All under the guise of helping you

If been a carer for 14 years. I get it. Carers fatigue is absolutely real