To feel miserable about returning to career after final mat leave - persevere or what next

[BecauseTheOnlyWayIsUp]

Long one but ten years ago I gave up a dream job because it was an unstable sector (short sponsored contracts), low pay that I could not get a mortgage in and no chance of being able to afford a child. I moved to a different career, much better pay, stable contract etc. However it's a large company, I don't like my team much and I find the work dull. A house, three glorious babies later (I am very grateful) and I'm six months into a year's mat leave and it's hit me how I will be rtw in sept and it literally makes me feel ill. I have zero love for the job or the company. I fully appreciate this means I have used the company for mat leave, and 'rinsed' their generosity. Maybe that makes me terrible. And of course I didn't NEED to have three children. However I am 37 so have potentially 30 years working left. I absolutely cannot afford to return to previous career, that shop has sailed, I know that. However, all other avenues I have thought I would be interested in (I'd like to do a job that I actually directly help people with) are similarly sadly low paid or will require me to retrain with a second degree which I have no idea how I would manage (or afford) with three kids 5 and under.

For context. I work part time to reduce childcare. We cannot live off DH salary alone. The company has been through two reshuffles in the last five years so there's also a chance of redundancy which I've been excluded from due to pregnancies so far.

DH says I have to see how I feel when I go back before panicking but I feel sick knowing what I'm going back to, no drive and not liking the team I work with.

Has anyone else sought a new career after a spell of mat leave or just accepted this is it?

I would take this time to think about what you want to do and how you could get there. The things i would consider are, if you dont return after mat leave do you have to pay any back? Do you require flexibility or specific hours as that will be trickier in a new job where you are proving yourself. But other than that can't see an issue with starting a new role.

Not sure if you know MN has a whole board dedicated to Mature Study and Retraining.

It was started a couple of years ago to address exactly your question - there are hundreds of threads now, so you may find it helpful.

I moved to a new job within my organisation towards the end of my final mat leave. I was much happier there and did a further 3 years, taking me up until starting school for the youngest, then moved to a more senior role in an entirely new sector. It worked well for me.

Stay where you are for now.going back to work with 3 young kids is a real stretch at the beginning..so much to do which you don't really realise when on maternity leave (speaking from experience 😂) but yes of course you need to make a plan and work out what to do next. Long term your kids are only small for a while and you deserve a fulfilling career for the rest of your working life. I've been there. Look at OU or other part time options to study...

I have to work 6 months or pay mat leave back. I can't afford to pay it back so I am definitely going to have to do that time. I currently work 3 days a week. My DH is worried if I leave this company I could end up in a less secure job and of course knowing we can't survive off his salary is at the back of our minds. I guess I feel I have to stay. I know I should have realised this sooner but until now I always hoped I was going back for a short spell before I'd go on another mat leave (sounds really terrible I know). I think I've learned alot in the past five years though and although I'm in an analytical (science) role I don't feel I help anyone. I've met some amazing people who look so satisfied in their roles because they are making a difference. I feel like I will get to the end of my working career having just filled out spreadsheets. That and the fact I don't feel I'm inspiring my children really by just accepting work is only to pay the bills. And selfishly now the babies are all here I want something for me.

If you're proposing not to return to your current employment I would just check the terms of your mat leave first in case there's anything about repayment.

Sorry - cross post!

I’m your age op but my dcs are a lot older than yours. I worked very , very part-time when they were small so they wouldn’t have to go to childcare under 3 years olds. I’m back working a lot more now and although they are older it’s still v busy so I find working in a job I definitely enjoy but has a lot of extra work (I teach in a college p/t) so it’s all full on and as kids gets older there’s so much additional stuff , activities, longer holidays etc.
When they were small I found things exhausting and I was a lot younger than you so I don’t know if I could have worked in a job I hated etc unless I absolutely had to. I would definitely think of either transferable skills , could your degree allow you to work in another area?

Sorry I was trying to explain that part-time work is extremely convenient particularly once your dcs are older . I see it’s more job satisfaction, I definitely think you could retrain at your age , you still have years of work left and strangely it can almost be tricker as kids get older as although we aren’t aa exhausted as the early years , we are a lot busier.

Thank you for all your helpful advice. I was expecting a lot of 'you shouldn't have had all the kids' posts 🙈

I would really love to retrain. I just guess I know now is not the right time as I'm still up half the night with the kids, and I genuinely don't know how I'd fit it in. I'm still learning to juggle three!

It's a large company I work for so potentially scope to move within it although that would mean away from the science aspect.

It really doesn't help I don't like the people I work with and those I did, were cut off at the last reorg. I don't even know my new manager so I also have the fear they won't be so accommodating with me or my family (i.e. I have to leave because one of them has thrown up kind of thing) there's a real top down approach there with some managers who act god like. I can't bear it.

So much changed when I had ds2 as that was during COVID, so I also feel out of the circle tbh. It's like I'm a outsider because in the last five years I've been absent for 3. I know that was self inflicted.

I didn't know about the section on Mumsnet s thanks for that I will take a look.

Yes it is job satisfaction. But I feel for me it comes Vs job security. I have to think of the kids. I would hate to leave for myself and then something go wrong financially. I would feel selfish if they lost out because I didn't want to be bored iyswim.

God it's hard being a parent at times.