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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this emotional abuse

39 replies

Shuta8 · 31/03/2023 15:01

I'm getting exhausted by partner ATM. He is non stop commenting on women being liars and cheaters.
Background we split up back in 2015 because of his aggressive nature. I thought we needed a break otherwise it would come to blows.
I met someone and briefly dated and since we got back together he's non stop throwing it in my face.
Maybe I'm noticing it more now because he usually works away and it's so peaceful when he's not here but recently changed job so home alot more.
We will watch something together where he makes digs if the woman is lying. He'll say I know what that's like. Or "double standards" we all know about those. Its absolutely awful and I honestly feel like bursting in to gears when he's just at me. I do nothing wrong just all the standard duties of a wife- work part time so I can look after our kids, cooking and housework and there he is just berating me
When I call him out on it he will say its because he's still hurt from the break up as I iniated it and I dated Although he dated lots as well and had loads of one night stands that he will randomly talk about!! It's like he sees nothing he does wrong and just wants to picknon me..I can only compare it to bullying.
He will also randomly pick on things really minotlr things like leaving my water bottle on the stairs and will go mad about it. Swear and everything.. I am just so exhausted. Any advice?

OP posts:
maddening · 31/03/2023 15:03

Leave him, he is not worth your time or emotional well being, get the fucker out of your life and you will be happier.

Tinkerbyebye · 31/03/2023 15:10

Leave it’s as simple as that

mbosnz · 31/03/2023 15:17

Time for another break - and make very sure it's permanent this time.

sillysmiles · 31/03/2023 15:35

Background we split up back in 2015 because of his aggressive nature

imo you should never have gone back. You broke up for a very good reason. You know how to leave him - you've done it before. This time you know not to go back.

cartagenagina · 31/03/2023 15:37

Any advice?

Yeah. Tell him to fuck off.

Why are you still with him? He doesn’t like you. He’s horrible. Where’s your self esteem?

petalsandstars · 31/03/2023 15:38

Leave him.

user1471556818 · 31/03/2023 15:38

Think about living like this for rest of your life and the example you are setting your children
Hope you get the courage to step away from this relationship

Iam4eels · 31/03/2023 15:51

Yes it's emotional abuse. He is purposely making you feel like shit for his own vindication.

There is information and advice here:

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/en/What-is-abuse

Justcallmebebes · 31/03/2023 15:55

maddening · 31/03/2023 15:03

Leave him, he is not worth your time or emotional well being, get the fucker out of your life and you will be happier.

^ This. You've done it once, you can do it again. It won't ever change and it won't ever get better

Doingmybest12 · 31/03/2023 16:05

I got to the end of the 3rd paragraph , leave him .

unsync · 31/03/2023 16:33

Why on earth did you go back? He's awful, it will get worse, leave.

19lottie82 · 31/03/2023 16:46

You sound like you’d be a lot happier without him.

KILM · 31/03/2023 16:46

There is literally no reason for you to stay with this man. He makes you feel like shit. The whole point of a partner is to make you feel good. And you don't want your kids to grow up thinking that this behaviour and the way he treats you is normal, it will break your heart. You deserve better.

Blossomtoes · 31/03/2023 16:48

Why are you still there?

lottieb92 · 31/03/2023 16:50

Run for the hills.. before the emotional abuse becomes violent.
sounds like he’s got a screw lose and mega double standards… he was off sleeping with people too!?!

Big girl knickers on and off you go into the sunset with your kids 💗

stay safe x

Thepeopleversuswork · 31/03/2023 16:52

Your mistake was getting back together with him. You should have trusted your instincts. He’s a dick and you know what to do.

cisisaslur · 31/03/2023 16:54

My abusive ex did this after I met someone else whilst we had split up. When we got back together he spent the whole time throwing back in my face. It was relentless. It's abuse and I'm so much happier now I've divorced the bastard

LlamaFace19 · 31/03/2023 16:58

He is abusing you. Leave him.

Chickenkeev · 31/03/2023 17:04

Well it doesn't really matter if it's abuse or not (it is) but you're not happy. He doesn't make you happy. Off you go. If you need help everyone is here.

EmmaDilemma5 · 31/03/2023 17:06

It's not going to get better. You either need to accept that this is it - or leave him.

This is who he always been and who he'll always be.

Ivebeenframed · 31/03/2023 17:08

He sounds like a typical narcissist. He'll never change. Get away from him now!

Allinadayswork80 · 31/03/2023 17:09

Yes it’s abuse. He doesn’t sound pleasant at all and you’re clearly worth more. He knew the situation as you’ve been honest with him and on that basis he decided to get back together with you. He can’t spend the rest of your time together referring back to it or resenting you, especially as he had his own ‘experiences’ during your split. I suggest if you actually want to stay in the relationship then suggest some Relate sessions to help him move on from the past. If not, and I suggest not, it’s time to ask him to leave as he’s probably never going to change. Good luck x

nomoremerlot · 31/03/2023 17:14

Leopards never change their spots....

rootsandwings89 · 31/03/2023 17:18

Please leave him.

I would also like to say to everyone else -

I work in domestic abuse and comments like "why are you with him" "why did you go back" "where is your self esteem" "leave, it's as simple as that" are not helpful. Leaving isn't always simple, perpetrators are manipulative and leave their victims self esteem on the floor and there is always a reason why they haven't left or why they've returned, even if it doesn't make sense to other people.

Chickenkeev · 31/03/2023 17:23

rootsandwings89 · 31/03/2023 17:18

Please leave him.

I would also like to say to everyone else -

I work in domestic abuse and comments like "why are you with him" "why did you go back" "where is your self esteem" "leave, it's as simple as that" are not helpful. Leaving isn't always simple, perpetrators are manipulative and leave their victims self esteem on the floor and there is always a reason why they haven't left or why they've returned, even if it doesn't make sense to other people.

Could you share some more helpful thoughts please? I'd definitely appreciate them.