Is this normal in kids football?

[Kensukesfifedom]

I need perspective from those more knowledgeable on this topic:

DS, 13 made the school football team at the start of the school year. This has been huge for him (enthusiastic more than talented, tends towards low self esteem) and has made a massive difference to his confidence across the board.

They've won all their matches and played the semi final last weekend. DS and two others were dropped from the team the day before and replaced. No explanation to them, just implied: you're not good enough/these guys are better.

DS was great: wished his friends good luck, they won, he congratulated them (as he should) but now he says the football practice is that they (non team members) are being used to train the team. So it's them and us (team vs those who didn't make it) with the emphasis being on the team to win.

Add to this the sm posts about the wonderful talent of the winning team with no mention of the demoted few who helped get them there. I am gobsmacked! I thought sportsmanship was about pulling together, everyone getting a go, etc. I mean NONE of these kids are going to make it as footballers. It's a school sport: for health, fresh air and camaraderie, right?

I am definitely more upset than my son is (quietly, I haven't said anything to him) but I can see him shrinking from this and I really, really want him to keep up football. He enjoys it and all his friends play (and are really good and on the team) BUT I have never played sport. Never knew a thing about football til he got into it. So maybe this is normal? Even though its supposed to be fun and I'm not seeing the fun side this week.

So, im open to the idea that I've got it all wrong about non professional (ffs: teen) sport and it IS and should be harsh (in which case IABU) or no, this is gratuitous meanness on the part of the (volunteer) coaches who might be hung up on their own thwarted dreams (so IANBU).

It's somewhere in the middle, I think. It's probably reasonable for the teacher (manager?) to pick what they think is the strongest team, and to let them play together in training to get used to each other and their positions - football is treated by most as a competitive game, after all. But it's unreasonable, and plain bad manners, not to give thanks and an explanation to those who make way. It's also a good idea to keep those not selected onside (sorry!) in case they are needed in future matches, due to injury, illness, loss of form etc. It's a team game, but more than that it's a squad game and no team will get far with only 11 people involved. I hope your DS stays involved and gets more opportunities to play.

This happens in team sport at all levels, including school sport, but I’d expect kids who don’t make the first team to be given the opportunity to come on as a substitute or play for a second team if it exists - it’s all about participation.

IMO it’s been handled very badly!

I think it’s a huge red flag concerning the coaches. Are they professionally qualified football coaches or teachers?

My son has been playing football in a local league for years and I know 100% the coaches would not treat any of the children like this. They focus on attitude/teamwork and self improvement.

I’ve noticed a huge difference in his self esteem/social skills/emotional regulation thanks to the great work of his coaches (all of whom are ex professional players with various coaching qualifications).

From my experience the kids who have not made the team either play just for fun in after school classes, play for a second team or are kept as substitutes and given a game someone is injured or scores are up, especially in school football.

Even community teams I know would not behave like that.

This is why I gave up sport as a child. Kids should get equal time playing, but earn their place in finals. They won’t get better if they don’t play. I’m sorry that happened to your kids. Find another team. Don’t wait around for them to be needed when someone is away, let the team play short. It’s kids sport, not the olympics.