How to have fun when you’re the odd one out

[ThePoorBridesmaid]

Bridesmaid for a very dear friend. I am excited to be bridesmaid.

I’m one for 4 bridesmaids.

I’m the younger by a few years, but my circumstances are very different to the others.

I’m the only parent and at that I’m a single parent. I also don’t drink much.

Wedding is in June.

We had hen night 1 in February, I’d spent half my budget (£100 for the night) on a babysitter so I had £50 for a meal and a drink. I’d told both the bride and maid of honour they said it’d more than enough.

Problem was the other none family bridesmaid kept buying everyone a round of drinks, I wasn’t the only one not having alcohol but I was the only bridesmaid not drinking and was watching the bride, maid of honour and other bridesmaids getting slowly drunk while I couldn’t. I tried to get involved with the silliness but it doesn’t come naturally to me.

They then moved from a pub to a club, and I couldn’t afford a single drink for even myself because it would have meant I had no money to get my taxi home as everyone else was staying either at the brides or mohs houses – I was invited but couldn’t because of the babysitter. So I waited in a private booth thing the moh had booked while they all went to the bar. No-one offered to get a drink for me.

I just felt left out.

Theres a bridesmaids only hen party in a few weeks about a fortnight before the wedding. They’re all talking about getting blind drunk and how much they’ve got to spend – 1 has over £500 for 1 night to spend. They ignore me when I suggest we go somewhere I can afford. I suggested maybe a meal then a trip to a pub or club but they all want to do top end resturants where I may not even be able to afford a starter let alone anything else.

And I just feel so left out.

Bride wants me there and has said she doesn’t think badly of me, and neither does MOH she just gets caught up in the moment. I have £100 again for the whole night.

So how can I solve this and feel more involved? I want to be involved, but I am the poor relation basically. I don’t think it’s intentional, just none of them are in the same position as me as none of them are even parents.

I want to go because I love the bride and I am part of the wedding party but I also don't want to tell her this and add more stress when she's already organising everything.

I cannot budget for anymore money, I literally would be taking food out of my DCs mouth if I did that. I do work, and get CM but with the COL things are just a bit tight, and if I get more work i won't be better off due to paying for childcare and commuting.

F

In all honesty, while I understand the excitement, I think the bride and MoH are being a little insensitive planning a very expensive night out, when they know that one member of the party cannot afford it.

If I was the bride/MoH, and wanted time with my bridesmaids, I would consider everyone's circumstances and plan accordingly. It doesn't have to be a full blown night out, a takeaway etc and bride's house could be lovely if planned well.

You have been honest about your circumstances, so, I would confirm what the plans are and if they are not affordable, I would explain to the bride that although you would love to come, it isn't possible. A good friend should not think badly of you.

You say you don't want to stress the bride but frankly the stress is all down to her thoughtlessness.

You can't afford the night out. And frankly if you don't drink, the whole thing sounds hideous.

I think you should be honest with the bride and explain. Will you see her in person before then? Better than a text. She'll have three others to have an expensive night out with if that's what she wants.

It's horrible feeling left out and it's a shame your friend isn't looking out for you more. I hope you can enjoy the wedding 😃.

@Chamomileteaplease I think this is what the bride wants and is why the MOH is organising it and ignoring my suggestions. Like I said I'm the only parent in the group of 5 bridal party/bride and the only single parent among the wider group (3 of the others 10 or so are parents but all have partners)

You need to speak up and say you can't afford it so you won't be able to go. It is what it is.

Even on the first night out, leaving yourself only £50 for the whole night and taxi probably would also have been better to say you couldn't afford it and not gone.

I would say-

this is out of my budget- have a great night and send me the pics!

then I would take the bride out for a low key but nice lunch- or make her a nice lunch at my home. Drink wine, reminisce, watch a film whatever. Be a good friend is about is spending time not money.

do not spend more money on a night out £100 is ridiculous.

Don't go op.
They are not really appreciating what you are telling them.
Save money.you'll not enjoy it and £100 is a lot of money as you know.
Don't explain again just say you cannot attend,wish them a lovely time.
If you want to,go for an afternoon tea with the btb before her wedding.

Bride wants me there and has said she doesn’t think badly of me

Why would she?!

Just say sorry, you’re a single mum and you can’t afford it. They’ll understand. I just wouldn’t have gone to the club on the previous night out.

I went because the Bride assured me my budget would be enough.

I think I will pull out of the bridesmiads hen night, it feels sad but it's just one of those things. Hopefully the bride has fun though.

This is one of those scenarios where I think it would be worse to go and sit on your own and not partake etc, than it would be to politely bow out.

I went because the Bride assured me my budget would be enough.

I think when you’d got to the pub and it became apparent you wouldn’t be able to have a drink in the club as you needed money to get a taxi home, I’d have said no to moving on to the club. Then, you’d have showed your face but not extended the evening unnecessarily.

I would just accept you are in an entirely different situation to the others, let them have their wild night out, as pp said- bow out graciously and have a 121 lunch with the bride. If they are a good friend they will understand. I'd even go as far as say you really don't want the night to be reorganised to accommodate you, that will make you feel worse!