Am I right to be annoyed at my friend?

[WizzardMum22]

Hello!

I have a friend who lives an hour away from me and we try to regularly meet up if we can with our kids. When she was expecting her 2nd I frequently went to her as I knew it was easier for her with her toddler.

I should add I used to live where she does and she has visited my house once in the 2 years I’ve lived here.

I am now expecting my 2nd even though my first is around a year older then her first but there seems to be no understanding on her part that driving an hour to do something with the kids might be a bit much for me! I’m 34 weeks pregnant and supposed to see her this weekend. I always suggest meeting part way but it never happens and because I want to keep the friendship going I seem to do the travel & make the effort.

I just feel like the friendship is one sided -in more ways than just this!

but AIBU to cancel last minute?

Have you told her that if she can't travel, you may not be able to meet?

@Hadalifeonce not directly but I’ve mentioned that I’m finding things difficult (lots of pelvic girdle pain and backache) which has made me finish work earlier then planned.

i always suggest halfway but I’m going to message her tomorrow to cancel I think and I’ll explain then?

If you're friends you should be able to say "I always made sure to come to you when you were pregnant with X, now it's your turn to repay the favour 😉"

Friendships aren't meant to make you feel sad or one sided.

It could be that she doesn't realise as much considering you used to live there and it was you that moved away. I think you just need to speak up and kindly ask could she come to you as you're struggling

More warning would be good, why not message her tonight?

Devils advocate - is it easier for you to lump your toddler plus bump an hour away or for her to cart a baby plus toddler? You might think differently once your baby is here and you have two to wrangle.

Not saying you're wrong of course, just a different POV.

YANBU, sounds like she's got used to you doing all the running.

Tell her to come to you. If she refuses then you know she's not a good friend and dump her.

Be direct and say all the way to hers is too far at the minute and see what she says. If you always go there and never mention it being an issue, how is she suppose to no?

I don't think either of you are unreasonable. You just have different reasons for not wanting to travel. If I were you, just cancel and explain its too much, and hopefully, she'll be able to come and meet your new addition to the family when they arrive and leave it there. After that, just plan trips that you're comfortable with.

It’s not last minute, it’s Thursday, just call her tonight and say you’re not up to driving. Up to her if she’s prepared to make the effort to come to you.

YANBU at all.

I’d say to her that you are always the one that has to travel and that she needs to meet you halfway or alternate who travels to who as otherwise it’s a very one sided arrangement. She’s being selfish and lazy.

Friendships can be like this. I don't think it even means someone is a bad friend. Agree with the poster that said your friend is just use to you doing it though.

Just cancel tonight just say now your getting bigger you are struggling. I would just step back in future. Suggest half way at X place. Be direct.

It seems this friendship isn’t working for you OP. Tell her you don’t feel up to travelling that far and then keep a dignified distance.

If she demands answers tell her. You’ve nothing to lose

I really don't understand why that's too much for you to be honest? 🤷‍♀️

If you have agreed to go to hers this weekend, and could do it, I would do so. Then, whilst there, and in any subsequent messages, make sure she knows that the next meet up is at yours.
If you think it will be too uncomfortable for you to drive, tell her now. This evening! Just say that you don't feel comfortable driving at the moment, could she come to you instead and, if she doesn't want to, cancel.
Or, could you go to her on the train? If it's an easy journey your oldest might like it! Appreciate that wouldn't work if there are several changes, with long waits.

Yes tell her don't put your body under more stress.
She's not much of a friend is she?
Even if you'd offered every time ,any decent person would suggest coming to you or,at the very least,meeting halfway.
Yanbu to ditch her completely let alone for a day.
I hope the rest of your pregnancy I'd easier 💐

I would just be honest and tell her that you’re struggling at the end of your pregnancy and with your pelvic girdle pain etc.
“Do you mind if we meet half way? I can only drive for 20/30 mins without getting really uncomfortable”.
If she says no then just tell her that you can’t meet then as it’s too much and think about stepping back from the friendship a bit.

I’m 35 weeks pregnant with pelvic girdle so understand the struggle! Put yourself first especially towards the end other wise you’ll end up over doing it x

How does being pregnant make driving for an hour so difficult? 🤷🏻‍♀️

not directly

If you can't tell her directly, then what sort of friendship is it?

Because every pregnancy is different 🙄