To consider options

[Cantmanagealone]

Be grateful if anyone could maybe help me work out what the best way forward is.

Basically, I really cannot cope with my two year old. And I mean, I really can’t. He just screams at me incessantly, tries to hit and push me and throws things at me. I don’t think he likes me.

What the hell do I do? Going through realistic options the only one seems to be FT childcare (but then still have him weekends) and plus is so very expensive.

Is it just a matter of surviving the years of his childhood? I’m past thinking it’s a toddler thing, I do feel like the two of us just aren’t getting on.

I'm a big believer in behaviour being indicative of an unmet need. But toddlers can be very challenging especially if you're a full time mum. How much do you engage and interact with him when you're together, do you give him lots of praise for the good things he does?

If he went in to childcare in the week, would you work? Sometimes just being an adult and achieving something in a workplace setting makes the world of difference to how you feel.

I work, but part time. He seems a lot more settled in nursery, at least I don’t have any reports of the sort of screaming I’m being regularly subjected to!

OP, in your shoes I would look at a parenting course to get support for managing the dynamic.

Not having the right tools and tactics doesn’t make you a bad parent, far from it, it just makes you a parent who hasn’t found the tricks and tips for communication with a toddler!

They are programmed to keep going in the face of opposition. How would they have learned to walk if they gave up every time the fell and hurt themselves? They react with fury and frustration because they don’t have language or emotional fluency.

First I would try love bombing. Loads of praise for the slightest good calm behaviour. Lots of affirmation: ‘wow you can run fast / look how nicely you are your biscuit/ what a lovely smile’ etc.

And some demands, meet wherever possible. ‘Oh yes, let’s do that..,’.

Just ignore and distract from undesirable behaviour.

It’s hard. But not just you. See what support might be available.

Is it just parenting course and then my area? The problem is and not wanting to seem dismissive at all I’ve been trying all the ‘right’ things, according to various wisdom, none of them seem to make any difference and in fact he’s getting worse.

Do you think he might have any non-typical traits or issues? Have you taken him to the GP? Spoken to nursery to see what they think?

It sounds really hard OP, but I don’t think 2 year olds act up because they don’t like their Mums.

Is he happy and settled in childcare? Happy enough when you say goodbye?

Oh doesn’t care at all, I don’t even get a backward glance.

I haven’t taken him to GP. Nursery haven’t mentioned concerns but it’s just so very hard to know. Sometimes I think he’s miles and miles behind other children his age and other times I think he’s OK.