To not want to spend Easter with SIL?

[JaneyK9]

DH works really long hours and it is not often that as a family of 3 we get much of an opportunity to spend quality time together and going out for family days. We coordinated our diaries and decided that we would both take one week off altogether for the Easter holidays to spend quality family time together. I had started to plan family days out.

Last night DH announced that SIL was asking if we would go and visit over the Easter holidays so her DC could spend some quality time with our DC. The problem is it isn't really up to SIL to invite us to visit when she lives with DH's parents. When we have previously visited it was very stressful - with SIL and DC already living there the house is very cramped and after a couple of days I start to become really stressed about being there. It doesn't help that DH regresses when he goes home.

I don't want to stop DH from seeing his family, but SIL and I have a strained relationship. I have become saturated with all of her problems over the last few years and I no longer have the ability to empathise or sympathise and in all honesty it drains me. The visit will invariably turn in to a woe is me, my life is rubbish narrative, which happens every time.

I suggested to DH that if we do visit we stay in a hotel so we have our own space, but MIL messaged to say that she was very upset to think we wouldn't be staying with them. We live too far away to not stay over.

Easter was meant to be about us spending quality time together and now I feel our time off together has become hijacked and it won't be a break for me.

How can I navigate?!

Can you stay 2 nights. Arrive late afternoon on day 1, book something for you as a family of 3 (or with entire family if you wish) nearby for day 2, leave after lunch on day 3.

Message MIL and say didn't want to crowd you out but thanks for inviting us. We are going to this attraction on this day so we'll come for a day each side if that's OK.

MIL can be ‘upset’ all she wants. You are travelling to go see them, you pick where you stay. Her faux upset doesn’t trump your (and your families) comfort and sanity!

Well, if your DH regresses when you go there why are you even contemplating it?

Sounds like MIL plays the woe is me game as well whilst still trying to control?

Fuck that for a game of soldiers, nothing about the 'invite' sounds the least bit relaxing or fun. That is no way to spend your precious time off. And your poor kid.

I'm be heading in the opposite direction. FAST.

Why is it so hard for you to speak the truth with your dh? I would have no qualms in saying to mine that I didn't take a week off to spend time with his family. Just say you want to stick to the original plan but he is welcome to go see his family before or after that. This isn't the first post you've made about not wanting to spend time with your sil it's going to keep coming up unless you be abundantly clear with your dh about it. I'm not suggesting it will be an easy conversation to have he might well get defensive but you do need to have it and set out your boundaries!

Isn’t that the joy of a long bank holiday - you can stay one or two nights and still have a whole two or three nights just your family?

You have to keep hold of your own plans and don't back down!

Say to the DH, we have our plans already for Easter. If you want to arrange something for May half term or the Summer holidays please go ahead arrange that. Remember to arrange a hotel ir air bnb though as its just too crowded.

Speaking from experience here. My ideas and plans were often ignored and I often found myself staying at the inlaws having zero fun, with nothing for us planned for us at other times.
Still feel a annoyed about it years later.

Just say you've already made plans.

You have already made plans for your week off. Stick to them. Just because SIL made a suggestion, doesn't mean you have to drop everything and run as soon as she says so.

It’s an invitation nut summons.

What is actually positive about this “visit”? Seems like the only people benefiting from it are SIL (to dump her life disappointments), MIL and your DN’s

As pp said go only if you want to and stay elsewhere. Your in laws want’s don’t trump your needs.
Your MIL’s potential upset is caused only by herself. You’ll be the one dealing with aftermath if MIL gets her way.

You have been all over mumsnet bitching about your MIL and SIL last couple of days!

*not

Maybe just let your DH and DC go for a night or two and you have some time to yourself at home. I think it's important that children have close contact with their extended family and if you don't get on with them then you will have to divide and conquer sometimes.

Which means op dosent want to go at any time, either staying there or in a hotel.

Exactly

so baffling her husband would even consider given the back story

I honestly don’t get why parents are so obsessed with adult children and family staying with them?!! Your MIL sounds like a nightmare. Id personally say you’re not going, you have other plans. Their plans don’t trump your plans. Take control of your life and stop letting others control it. Let DH go if he wants….chances are he won’t if he “regresses” there.