Discipline for just under 2 year old

[Unrulywifey81]

Youngest is 2 in July and Dh and I are at loggerheads over how to discipline him

He is a very active little boy, not many words yet (car, dog, mama, dada) that's about it so gets frustrated easily when trying to tell us what he wants

If he wants someone to play with him or go somewhere will come over and get try and get us to stand up and show us etc. Can be a bit grabby with his brother and his toys (oldest is 7) and if he is ever too rough we always remind to use gentle hands.

Dh wants to use the step as punishment when he has a tantrum or gets too upset. I think he is too young yet to really comprehend. Dh had put youngest on the step a few times and after a few minutes of crying he does calm down but then goes and does the same thing again.

We're now not talking as I was playing with youngest the other day and he wad frustrated over one of his toys. Dh was on nights and said he could hear him screaming from the bedroom so asked why I didn't put him on the step, I explained I was trying to work through what was frustrating him and this had caused an almighty row and being called a rubbish parent and that I'm raising a split brat etc.

I can't remember what we did with the eldest however although I don't think we used the step until a lot later and they've turned into a lovely, well mannered, thoughtful child.

Any suggestions?

I can’t add much that anyone hasn’t already said but I would also really recommend the book ‘there’s no such thing as naughty’. Dr Siggie on Instagram is also really good to follow for practical advice on how to deal with a huge range of things.

For a very young child just praise the positive behaviour. Use distraction to stop unwanted behaviour. As they gain more understanding of language you can begin to talk about feelings, kind hands, learning to share etc. A naughty step before aged 2 is inappropriate.

WTF the words discipline and under 2 shouldn’t be in the same sentence.

At this age it’s about gentle lovings, reminders, a step would be cruel.

Like “don’t grab brothers toys.” “ don’t bite mummy” “don’t hit” and repeat.

You do not discipline 2 year olds.

They cannot regulate their emotions, they have no sense of logic and are also going to be pushing boundaries with you because boundaries help them feel safe.

They need you to help manage the behaviour.

E.g toddler doing something dangerous 'I am not going to let you get hurt', and remove the item. If (when!) they cry, acknowledge their feelings etc.

2 is so tiny!

I’m perfectly fine with 3-5 year olds being removed from an activity if they’re being dangerous or hurting others and being given some time in their ‘thinking spot’ to calm down and reflect so long as it’s explained why and I wouldn’t see that as a red flag at all, quite the contrary. It’s nice when we have choices as parents and can choose what suits our child. There would be no obligation for anyone to go there if they don’t like it especially as it’s a private school! Time out is probably an outdated term though and naughty step is horrible. Of course none of this relevant to OP as her DS isn’t even 2 so even the biggest advocates of time out wouldn’t think it suitable at his age, so apologies for the derail there.

Thank you for all the responses. It makes je feel better knowing I'm not alone in thinking the step is unreasonable at this age. I'm not against it when he is older but at 20 months ish he still feels very small

He goes to nursery so we try and use gentle hands the same way they do

Dh seems fixated on an instance at nursery where dc did push another child because they were having a scuffle over a toy and we have been working on sharing but again at this age its really hard. Nursery also said they probably have to tell a different parents every week about an incident of pushing because of arguments over toys so I do feel it it's his age at the moment.

Under 3s just don’t understand the concept of sharing. There’s no point even trying when he’s so tiny because he doesn’t have a clue and it’s only going to lead to upset (his and yours). If he wants a toy another child has and will likely get frustrated if he can’t have it, which is totally normal, I find it’s best to redirect to something else before the pushing happens. Obviously a parent looking after him 1:1 can handle it quicker than nursery where they’re at a ratio of 1:3, so that’s probably why the pushing is happening there. I really wouldn’t worry about it though.

I don't think the step is a good idea at any age and certainly not as your DC age. Tantrums are a normal stage of development and no matter how many times you put him on the naughty step they won't stop because he can't stop himself.

Thank you again everyone

Situation no better here. Dh still not happy I won't put dc on the step

Asked at nursery if there had been any more instances of hitting or pushing and they said nothing, he's a very kind and caring little boy apparently.

Dh is now threatening to leave if I don't step up the discipline.

Part of me wants to tell him to go

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP 💐

It really does sound like your DH has become more focused on “winning” his way on this above all common sense 😬

Stand your ground and tell him directly, “I will always protect my child from what I believe will harm them” x