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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this reasonable

19 replies

Dreamitaway · 30/03/2023 08:01

Hi everyone,

I'm mainly just after some of your thoughts on this.
I have a 11 year old daughter, my house is at the end of the street which she has to cross one road (not a main road).

She goes to after school club when im working which finishes at 5pm. I get home at 5.10/5.15 pm. Is it reasonable for an 11 year old to walk home and spend a maximum of 15 minutes in the house alone.

She knows not use the cooker or anything like that. I don't have a problem with it and I feel she's mature enough to be in the house for 15 minutes, but I'm unsure if perhaps I'm wrong for this.

It's not every day, a maximum of 3 days in the week.

OP posts:

Lippydoody · 30/03/2023 08:07

It’s very child dependent but I would say yes (thinking of my kids). Once children start secondary they often have to travel a fair distance to school by themselves, often on buses and trains. This isn’t much different.

Nimbostratus100 · 30/03/2023 08:09

It sounds fine to me, is she primary? The school might not like it, if they find out

Stickmansmum · 30/03/2023 08:10

Sounds totally fine to me.

MyOtherUsernameIsDave · 30/03/2023 08:11

Yes. Is she primary or secondary?

All the year 6s are allowed to walk home at my DC’s primary school and have door keys.

mdh2020 · 30/03/2023 08:12

My children used to walk home alone and let themselves in when the oldest was in yr 5. I would be home within 30 minutes. Once at secondary school, children should be able to get themselves there and back and let themselves into the house.

BearKey · 30/03/2023 08:12

I know a lot of parents that let their tear 6 children walk home from school in their own and let themselves in for a while so I'd say yes, absolutely fine. Although previous posters have said, it depends on the child and you know your child best x

Catspyjamas17 · 30/03/2023 08:13

My only question is whether she's happy to do that. If so then it's no problem at all.

Catspyjamas17 · 30/03/2023 08:14

Also most after school clubs go on to 6pm. 5pm isn't massively useful.

FlickyCrumble · 30/03/2023 08:15

Yes but will school let her out of ASC? Mine wouldn’t so they come home and play games for 2 hours.

Changingplace · 30/03/2023 08:15

Sounds fine to me, lots of secondary school kids get public transport to and from school on their own so I don’t think this is an issue.

Whinge · 30/03/2023 08:16

Will the ASC let her leave on her own? If it's an outside provider (not run by the school staff) they may refuse to allow her to leave.

MajorCarolDanvers · 30/03/2023 08:17

I think very reasonable

Original poster

Dreamitaway · 30/03/2023 08:31

They have let her leave on her own as I provided it in writing that she could do so.

My DD said that apparently the after school provider wasn't happy about it and other parents were offering her a lift home, which tbh I find that more worrying as I don't want her getting her into any strangers car. Let alone if they're parents or not.

She's happy to do so, she's quite mature for her age and likes the freedom and trust that it gives her.

I'm glad it's not just me who thought this was reasonable, as I thought maybe I was being too relaxed.

It would be much better if the after school club lasted till 5.30 as most parents don't finish work till 5 anyway 😓

OP posts:

Original poster

Dreamitaway · 30/03/2023 08:32

She's year 6, but her friend has been walking home and a lot further too since year 5. So I didn't think it would be much of an issue

OP posts:

BiddyPop · 30/03/2023 09:02

Yes.

I've often mentioned on MN that we had started to help dd learn to get herself home alone from after school aged 10.5, from me talking to carers while she walked and waited for me to pass the point of meeting main road, me waiting as I turned into the estate until she appeared around the a corner and then she walked through estate once I'd driven the last part.

Up to carers letting her go once I rang that I was getting off the train 10 minutes away (so we arrived at front door together but she had a key and could let herself in) to giving permission for her to leave at 5 when I was due in at 5:45.

Was a godsend when a bullying issue escalated and she needed to bring herself home after activities at 4pm twice a week aged 11, (new after school the other 3 days that I had to collect at as too far from home). And in her final year of primary, she came home alone at 3:30 or 4pm daily, knew how to make a snack and do her homework before relaxing with tv.

Neighbours were aware and she knew a few who she could go to if any issues. She had to ring from the home phone to my mobile when she got home daily. And we had done a lot of work over the years about road safety, kitchen safety, and what to do if things go wrong in lots of scenarios. She also had a mobile purely for contact when getting home, just in case.

She went to secondary as quite an independent child who ended up teaching half the year how to get a bus to the local SC on a Friday afternoon... 🤣

BiddyPop · 30/03/2023 09:09

And when we started working up to it, ASC were happy as it was gradual and they saw that we had been building up to it. Bullying issues related to a child in her class who also attended ASC and a child from the other class in her year in ASC whose parent was an ASC carer.

So principal refused to deal with it properly - and hadn't a leg to stand on when I said this was the solution as I couldn't change my job to get to school for 3:30/4pm daily (depending on which day as some activities were longer than others) and there weren't any minders to facilitate. I wasn't about to make her drop all 5 activities after school as the alternative ASC could only collect as soon as school finished and missing out on all 5 activities (3 sports, religious instruction as multidenominational school, and chess club). It was bad enough that she missed out on 3 (all paid for the remaining half year) and was the person punished for being the victim of the bullying.

So she was unhappy about it but hadn't a leg to stand on.

Paperexcelandpens · 30/03/2023 09:19

Can she be trusted with a key? I know my step children were always losing keys at that age so wouldn't have been able to get in the house? Does she have a phone so she can call you for any emergencies etc?

Lippydoody · 30/03/2023 09:27

Dreamitaway · 30/03/2023 08:31

They have let her leave on her own as I provided it in writing that she could do so.

She's happy to do so, she's quite mature for her age and likes the freedom and trust that it gives her.

I'm glad it's not just me who thought this was reasonable, as I thought maybe I was being too relaxed.

It would be much better if the after school club lasted till 5.30 as most parents don't finish work till 5 anyway 😓

It’s great practice for when your daughter will go to secondary too. We started leaving our kids from around the end of year 5 for increasing periods. It gave them the confidence for when they had to start at secondary. We also let them pop to the shop for milk and things to get them used to making their own way there, using the shops confidently and getting themselves home.

maresedotes · 30/03/2023 09:32

It sounds completely reasonable to me.

This always remind me of the thread years ago about the small child (maybe 6?) who had to trek through woods in Finland to get to and from school. Looking back it was probably made up but I enjoyed it at the time.

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