Am I being oversensitive?

[Goneblank38]

Need help figuring out if I'm just having a bad day or if my husband's comment was hurtful.

We've been together since we were 19, so best part of twenty years. This morning I commented on a old picture of my husband, saying he looked really handsome. He laughed and said that if he'd realised then how attractive he was, he would have played the field more. We were a couple of the time the photo was taken. I felt hurt, that he was implying if he'd had more confidence, he would have slept around more. But he didn't - so he stuck with me. He was very shy when we met, so part of me feels like though delivered as a joke, there's some truth in it. I've felt really down ever since and can't shake the feeling. I'm really teary.

For context, our marriage has been rocky due to the pressures of young children and mixed matched sex drives. I have the higher one, while his has dwindled to next to nothing. I think this has left me feeling really low about myself but also resentful.

He has apologised and I know he was sincere but I can't shake the feeling that what he said was true.

Am I being over the top or would others be hurt too. I don't really know how to talk to him about it or if I just need to toughen up a bit.

It's the kind of joke people make which doesn't matter when things are good. When everyone is confident and happy, jokes like that are funny.

When his sex drive is nothing and he jokes about having sex with other people, that's not great and is hurtful.

Sorry.

YABVU. Sounds like a jokey comment, you need to toughen up.

I agree with him! I didn’t realise how hot I was as young woman either. If I had I might have played the field more too. I don’t see what he has said wrong.

Would you say that to the husband you are choosing not to shag?

It seems mean.

But in the other hand he could have taken ‘oh look at this photo. You look so handsome’ as ‘you were so handsome back then’ and become upset himself.

He made a joke. Which, granted, may have had some truth in it. If he had been more confident, he might have been a wanker that you weren’t interested in. There’s no point pretending if he was someone different you would have definitely picked him.

But that’s not how it worked out. I think wanting your partner to say they would pick you in any circumstances, is just asking them to lie. Non of us know what choices we would have made if our personalities are different. So why pretend.

Love and relationships are far more than decision made 20 years ago.

Imagine someone telling a woman they shouldn’t make comments like that because they don’t have sex with their husband enough. It wouldn’t happen.

Tomkirkman · Today 05:51
But in the other hand he could have taken ‘oh look at this photo. You look so handsome’ as ‘you were so handsome back then’ and become upset himself.”

Fair point.

I agree with first Poster @MrsTerryPratchett

Many a truth said in a joke,..

I 🤔 think the problem is partly is cause you are obviously experiencing high/low almost non existent dynamic sex drives that is making you feel understandably, senistive about whether you are acctractive enough for him anymore,
so therefore wondering,
if there is enough other stuff in our relationship to keep bonds ,sense of connection going to keep us together,

Another words emotional intimacy,

In our sexual gratification obsessed Western society it is all too easy to get emotional intimacy confused as just being sexual intimacy,
Obviously there can be overlap, (like a rhythm/dance weaving in and out) but there are not necessarily same thing, they are different,
he has obviously grown in cofindence in your relationship too,
that is obviously a good thing, tangible proof, in as much as it shows what a good relationship he is in,
which is obviously to do with you,@Goneblank38

I also agree with @Tomkirkman comments aswell @Goneblank38