Can I tell my ex to step up when kids are unwell

[cadburyegg]

My ex is a part time parent at best who doesn't see the kids as his responsibility.

I am starting a new job next week which requires me to be in the office 2 days per week.

On previous occasions when he has looked after the kids when they are unwell, he has made it a huge deal, one time he texted me about 30 times in 24 hrs and even rang me at one point to tell me ds2 needed to go to hospital. He had a tummy bug.

However I do think that he needs to start stepping up with them if they have to miss childcare / school on days I'm in the office. His dad has been unwell recently and he has managed to take days off for that albeit unpaid.
WIBU to tell him he needs to start stepping up? Or is it best for the kids (they are with me 90% of the time) that I take the hit?

Forgot to say, if you think I am NBU please help me draft a message to him telling him this.

Do you have a custody agreement? If it falls on his day he takes it off. If it's on your day then you take it off.

I'm not entirely sure how you'd make him take it off. If he has the kicks and they're sick just ignore him.

I mean you can ask him, but you can’t make him. Even a court won’t compel an absent parent to see their kids. So I guess if it comes up you can ask him to help out, but you can’t tell him to.

Do you mean when they fall ill on his nights/ days to have them? Absolutely talk to him and tell him.

"Hi X, I've been notified that my working conditions are changing and I now have to be more present in the office. With that in mind I've been thinking/ worrying about when the children are unwell, I think that given you have such a great relationship with them and I trust your ability to competently parent them that if they fall ill on their time with you then you should be okay to look after them. What do you think? Same for if inset days fall on your regular days. I think it would undermine your relationship with them if I have to step in every time they're unwell and we're both more than capable parents and they love us both"

Ultimately you can't force him to spend more time with his children but I think sending him a message dealing with the sickness issue now would be more than okay.

We don't have a custody agreement or a set pattern due to his shift pattern but he will generally have them around 4 nights a month. This month it's been spread over 2 weekends - 1 night 2 weeks ago and 3 nights this weekend. It's a pain and he's living his best life but that's the way it is