Do I go to the head about this? So frustrated

[Isitcovidorsomethingelse]

I posted a while back about my Dd, 4 being made to eat at school. For context, we’re in another country, not the U.K.
My Dd has some stomach troubles and we have a fair few appointments with the local hospital. She’s been doing much better but can suffer stomach ache and painful gas and constipation. She’s a good eater, not fussy at all and eats a range of food. When she’s feeling not that great, she eats less and doesn’t feel hungry.
When we started Pre school, we told the school about this (meeting with the head and class teacher) We showed a letter stating Dds issues from the Dr and dd started part time, just mornings, so having no lunches.
As time has gone on, dd has become s lot better, she started having school lunches-3 courses-soup, main and fruit, she ate well when hungry and feeling well. A couple of times she started to come home in tears, saying that the teachers/staff were telling her to ‘Eat! Eat!’ all the time and she was crying saying she didn’t want any. I sent an email and spoke to the class teacher saying Dd had been upset and saying she didn’t want to come to school and told her that she doesn’t need to eat if she’s not hungry and emphasised again her tummy aches and feeling ill etc. The teacher told me she hadn’t been forced etc. They seemed to stop saying it, until one day it happened again and Dd came home really upset but said she didn’t want to say why. We sent *Another email, this time written by Dh saying that we’d already spoken about it twice and sent two emails, we also asked the Dr for a letter stating Dds troubles again and explaining that she shouldn’t eat if feels she can’t etc, we sent this to the school. The next time I saw the teacher, she said they don’t make the children eat, things were better for a while until today, the teacher said to me Dd didn’t eat anything (she says it in a way as though Dd has been naughty) I said yes she hasn’t at home as was a bit gassy.
Putting Dd to bed tonight, talking about her day, she starts crying and I get out of her that they were saying ‘Eat! Eat!’ to her and that she had to sit next to the teacher on the bench after lunch because she didn’t eat her lunch and that she *Always has to do that if she doesn’t eat her lunch (all the kids do apparently) I asked her if she played after, she said she was allowed but didn’t want to as she doesn’t feel well at the moment.
Aibu to be fuming about this?
What would you do/where do I go from here?

I wouldn’t bother asking a consultant for a letter BUT I would email the head and explain what’s happened so far and that they are not to discuss food with her at all and ask the head to emphasise the importance of this approach as teachers are not listening. Failing that approach the governors, formal complaint

Hi Op
I really can not understand why your daughters school are so inflexible about your daughter sometimes or more often having ready packed lunches,

I am just wondering whether a school Governor role would cover this aspect of school life, in regard of your daughter a school pupils health well being ?

Does anybody know ?.
Could enlighten me, on the role of school Governor and whether they have the power to intervene and say about this in relation to the school, like a go between type of thing?
Or
Have I got the role of school Governor wrong 😕?

I agree a formal letter of complaint to school Governor
If the school let's you and your daughter down again,

@Goodread1 I’m not sure, if just seems to be the policy that it’s all school dinners, none have a packed lunch. The issue isn’t really the food given, it’s just sometimes she doesn’t want to eat/isn’t hungry/is too full. She has periods of the same at home if she’s gassy etc, it goes quickly and she’s then back to eating and she eats very well so it’s of no issue to me if she doesn’t eat.

Your DD hasn't said it before because she told you the rest and you didn't make sure a stop was put to it. How can she trust you? You say you're really angry but you're also handwringing in most of your posts about going to the head.

You can be a lovely and non confrontational person whom everybody loves, and still take no shit on behalf of your children.

I grew up with a mother who wanted to be on good terms with everyone and avoid confrontation and it really messes you up. Mums should protect their children above all else, even when it's uncomfortable for them. I'm really hoping that you understand that soon.

@Natty13 Woah, I’m sorry?! Read my posts as to everything I’ve done so far, it had stopped, I’d put a stop to it…or so I thought, only today it’s started again and I’ve found out tonight, hence posting here and trying to get advice about the best way to go about this and stop this shit for good. I’m gobsmacked that after everything we’ve said and done that this has happened again and it won’t be again but I’m asking for advice from people for the best way to ensure it doesn’t happen again.
I’m sorry about your mother, but I’m not her.

How awful for you all. I just can't understand the mind set of a teacher who would persist with this after repeated requests not to. Does the school have a SENCO (or equivalent)? I was just wondering if schools where you live operate like our's in the UK. Your DD has a medical issue and maybe if a health care plan was put in place at school, then it may be adhered to more strictly. It would be binding in the UK. So frustrating for you but yes, after repeated, ignored requests then I would go to the HT. Punishing 4 year olds for not eating seems way over the top and far more likely to cause issues with eating than stopping them. Hope you get it sorted OP. X

That's great to hear. Maybe you can see why I had that impression that you were prioritising your desire to avoid feeling unfomrotabke over your daughters need for you to put your foot down when yo use read this:

"I don’t want to go to the head or to be in this situation"
"don’t want to be in an awkward situation with the teacher and assistants"
"I’ve been so reluctant to go to the head etc and hate conflict, I’m not a complaining type"

I guess if it was me I wouldn't be worrying what the teacher that has caused my daughter so much upset thought about me but you do you.

@Natty13 Thanks for the bitchiness, night.

@Elsamit Thank you 🙏
Just feeling so angry now and shocked it’s just all changed again and they’re back saying it and that they put her on a bench, it’s like all I’ve said/done has been totally ignored! So bizarre
Email and call to the head in the morning, luckily Dd isn’t in tomorrow so hopefully I can get an appointment straightaway so she doesn’t have one more day of this

I am thinking is the lunch being supervised by adults who are unaware of her eating habits and not the teacher?

take it to the head- ask for a suitable plan of action and how it will be implimented. For example. DD had a card that says something like- my tummy hurts, I can’t eat today. Please see my medical letter which x has. Which she can produce as and when.

I have everything crossed for you. 🤞X

Is this in france by any chance? My friends moved to the U.K. and one of the reasons was the complete intolerance of dietary choices, being made to sit there with cold food crying (he's since been diagnosed with autism

@Bunce1 The main teacher is in the hall with the assistants and also says it to her. I asked the teacher to let all the assistants know etc, whether she did I don’t know. It stopped for a while but it’s like it’s been forgotten now or just brushed under the carpet, I’m not understanding how she isn’t getting this

@gogohmm That’s so so wrong 😔

No, it’s in Portugal

I wonder if other parents are complaining about children not eating? I have parents saying I should be making their child eat. I have to say I'm in your camp. I let the child decide for themselves and some days I dont eat lunch myself if I'm not hungry but I've had to defend my position multiple times. Maybe the teachers/adults are doing a one size fits all type approach if they've been pulled up with regards to other children not wanting to eat their lunch when the parents want them to. No idea, just sharing my experience.

@Downsize2021 Yes, I think definitely most parents where I am are the opposite and get cross if the kids don’t eat and say they pay for the meals etc. I understand if that’s their point of view but we’ve specifically sent letters and emails to say the opposite 🤷🏻‍♀️
As a teacher, you’d take notice of that, it would be conveyed to all staff involved and be taken seriously as an individual case, surely?

Children should not be forced fed under any circumstances. Yes go to the head.

@OhcantthInkofaname This is the thing, she tells me it’s not force feeding, they’re *Encouraging. I said to her encouraging isn’t saying ‘Eat, eat!’ all the time 🤷🏻‍♀️

Your poor DD. Glad you're speaking to the head tomorrow, keeping my fingers crossed for you too that it'll be sorted once and for all.

@Alittlestar Thank you 🌸trying to stop myself feeling angry at the teacher tbh

As in I want to calm myself down about it as it’s pissing me off it’s happened like this today 😡

You're welcome. Genuinely hope you do get it sorted.

Have sent an email this morning to the head asking to please have a meeting about her daughter, I didn’t specify details though, will say it all at the meeting.

Hi @Isitcovidorsomethingelse , have you heard back from the head yet to arrange a meeting? Hoping you've had a chance to meet with her and sort it out.