Is this a good arrangement - nanny

[nanneo]

I'm currently running myself ragged with a baby and 3 year old and a partner who's not around much.

He is gone by the time the kids wake up and is home after they go to sleep- 6 days a week, sometimes even 2 weeks at a time when he works away.

So pretty much we get one day with him a week if we are lucky...

Anyway, I'm due to return to work ( full time ) soon and will have a nanny. She will start just before 9 and finish at 5. My older one will go to nursery 4 days a week.

Nursery ends at 3 pm every day and depending on my work schedule, sometimes I'll pick her up- if I can't, the nanny will pick her up.

I work from home most of the time.

So it means I am still doing all drop offs and probably most pick ups ( but without baby, which is a luxury ).

Nanny then leaves at 5. I'm worried it's still going to be a lot for me. Please don't judge, I'm really doing my best. Or does it sound manageable ?

I'm really crumbling right now and I don't have work to worry about yet. Ideally she would maybe start at 8 or she would finish at 6. Well the absolute ideal scenario would be 8-6, but it makes it a lot more expensive and I am really trying to keep costs down.

I used to be a childminder and it wasn't at all like you describe. Also, none of the local minders I know were like that. Maybe you've just seen some bad examples.

@nanneo of course it is!! 3&1 are perfectly normal ages for a nanny to have. Cut down nursery hours to help afford a nanny. 2days a week at nursery is quite a nice balance IF they'll allow you to drop to that. BUT it might affect your free hours (I'm no longer up on the rules of that).

it'll be nice for the kids to have days together.

is the nursery walking distance?

there are a lot of variables as to which timings will work best, but once you have nursery hours/cost checked out, you'll be able to work out how many nanny hours you can afford and how best to use them

@MarchMadness23 I think I'll drop to 3 days anyway.

And I'm also considering a new nursery from September anyway.

The nursey / preschool is 15 minute drive.

I wouldn't pay for a nanny and a childminder.

Drop nursery to just the free 15 hours and have the nanny drop off and pick up.

If you can, extend the nanny's hours to 8-6 and have them do tea and get the children bathed and in pyjamas ready for you before she goes.

You are getting excellent advice here.

But remember the Nanny is not another child for you to mind.

She needs to be really helping you to get through a very tough time, so you must ask her to do the things like pick ups and drop offs that will really help you.

Is their father never going to ever be around more?

If not, you had better be very careful to look after yourself...... as your health is vulnerable when you are trying to do too much.

The children being fed, or at the very least a simple supper prepared before she leaves, is a really good idea.

Will she do their laundry?

This too would help you.

Fill your freezer with easy things for you to eat.
Vegtable soups, eggs,beans on toast are all simple to prepare.

Batch cooking a huge pot of a simple bolognese would provide many dinners tossed with pasta.

As would a pureed pot of veg and tomatoes.

Simple easy food.

If it helps reassure I have a nanny for my son and I work from home, as does my partner, more than 50% of the time and it works (although this is only part time as I work 2.5days a week) We were previously in a flat as well! She works from 8-6 which really helps making working a full day (esp on the day I commute!) manageable. I'd put your oldest in preschool term time 15hours goverment funded- that gives time for the youngest to have some 1:1 time with nanny, and rest together and include drop off/pick up if un her hours. Really any nanny worth their money should be able to handle two together and take to activities such as toddler groups etc. The whole idea is to make things as easy as possible for you so you can work and have quality time with the children when you are with them.

In regards to working from home, when I go to the office in the house to work I do a breezy goodbye and don't return if their is crying- my nanny was great at distracting him and he is now fine when I go- and now if he does see me in the day he understands that I won't be staying/looking after him as it's her day. Having a nanny you can trust and rely on is invaluable!

I would definitely drop nursery down to 3 days.
Nursery is good for socialisation - but to be completely honest, you get that just from a couple of hours a day in nursery. The nanny will do things like take your 3 year old to the park, so he can run around outside and do more adventurous things. She can also give him more individual attention, eg reading to him, playing games with him.
I live in a wealthy area, and around here everyone goes for the nanny option, but then puts the kids in these sort of half day nurseries (9am to 11am or similar), so they get the benefits of group learnings, but then come home to a nice lunch (homecooked by the nanny in the morning), a decent nap (in their own bed in a quiet room), and some reading, playtime etc. The nannies also take the kids to playgroups, kids sessions in local library, Monkey music and the likes (with baby in tow), and baking or reading at home - so they are definitely stimulated! (As long as you don't expect your nanny to housekeep at the same time).

I am actually always surprised that people with less disposable income don't go for nannies over nurseries as soon as they have more than one child. It is actually cheaper than nurseries, and very stimulating for the child to have that individual attention. In nurseries they all have nappies changed at same time, have to sleep at same time whether that is their natural rythm or not, can't go to the park or to explore the great outdoors, etc - and don't get to play with their own toys, or do things which require much concentration (eg slightly complex puzzles)....and are looked after by people whom you haven't actually chosen. Whereas you have full control over the nanny.
Nannies can easily cope with 2 kids - often they cope with 3!

I would say it would be easier if you weren't in the house for at least some of the time, so if you can work outside, it's better (otherwise you will get distracted listening to the nanny).

One more thing - I think you need to be clear where your priority is - do you want a nanny who focuses on cooking + housework, or focused on stimulating and caring for your child. They can do a bit of both of course, but these are different profiles.

I can't help but notice that a lot of your posts are I need to do this I need to check that I need to sort the other.
What's dad doing? I know he's working but you seem to be doing all of the mental load

Wouldn't you be better off scrapping the nanny and putting them both into nursery if you're unable to work with them at home? Maybe not even full time as you may find you can still work well with them there, depending on your job.

I think it would be exhausting having to do two separate drop offs and pick ups every day. My oldest is at a term nursery, so during holidays we need cover.

I didn't really like our experience at the day nursery and have found that school nursery works better for us ( however I only tried one day nursery and one school nursery )

You're not wrong..

Hi OP - I have a nanny for my two who are now 6&4 - have had her since my eldest was 5 months old (so she looked after them when they were 3&1). It is totally normal for a nanny to deal with them both, that’s what they’re there for! I have no qualms about saying that my amazing nanny was far better at dealing with my 2 at that age by herself than me - she’s a professional with many more years of experience than me!

definitely make it clear nanny needs to do all pickups with the 1yr old in tow - if your hours are really 9-5 doing a pickup at 3pm will become a massive stressful millstone around your neck that you don’t need.

I don’t have a strong opinion on nursery hours but it’s always better to have a bit of a buffer at either end of each day so if you need to cut nursery to 3 days to afford that wraparound I’d do it in a heartbeat.

Don't forget you!!!!

You really need an 8-6 Nanny otherwise you won't sustain this or you'll be very very stressed / unhappy / unhealthy.

If you go straight from crazy morning sorting and dropping kids, straight into logging on, work a full day, then shut laptop and go straight into dinner / bed / bath you are going to burn out.

Build in AT LEAST 30 mins a day when you're not working or on childcare duty.

Ideally you would leave the house for a walk say 8.15-8.45, make coffee, ready to log on. Or at 5.05 do the same to create a mental 'air lock' to keep yourself sane.

I don’t get why you are paying for nursery as well? Three year olds don’t need to be in nursery if they have a stimulating environment at home. Also you must be loaded! I can’t afford a nanny on her own, let alone with nursery on top. For three kids.

If I was paying a nanny til 5 I wouldn’t be picking up my child from preschool at 3. Unless some kind of emergency, or it’s really complex with cars etc, then collecting from preschool is part of nanny’s job so that you can work uninterrupted til 5. I’d also be looking to get her to do the morning school run too somehow.

If you’re having a nanny full time for the baby anyway then why are you also paying for nursery for the 3 year old? Assuming you get funded hours and it’s a preschool/school nursery, your DS could hopefully just do the free hours 9-12 Mon-fri for example (or whatever hours the setting offers). Nanny fits that into her routine with baby and you have less to pay for nursery and can hopefully have your nanny longer hours to make your life more manageable.

A nanny can definitely provide stimulating activities for a 1 and 3 year old at the same time. Especially if the 3 year old is getting some nursery time.

I thought it's good for her to get used to the routine for school. I think 3 days is enough though.

Can your 3 year old not go for free every morning?

I looked into a nanny and it wasn't cheaper unless you have three children and none are getting any free hours, which is likely to be not many families unless they have triplets!

That's incorrect about the nappies and naps -all the nurseries I looked at would go with my kids' routines. And they certainly do stuff that requires concentration, what an odd thing to say!

OP I think you're crazy to pay for a nanny and nursery. I wouldn't want a nanny who would struggle with a one and three year old, plenty of us manage with more than that without being childcare professionals!

Yup I'd do this
9-6 with you doing drop offs and her doing pick ups. Eldest in nursery 3 days.

She does an early tea, say 4.30 and you do a supper if needed.
Batch cook or get in easy foods so you can eat after the kids go to bed.

From 5-6 then you've got a bit of time to decompress, manage the kids between you to get the house straight, bath a kid, etc.
Then from 6 it should mainly be chill time and bedtimes.
Then you get dinner with DH.

But unasked for opinion, is the long term plan that your kids will see their Dad oen day a week? I mean that's like the lowest child custody arrangements and it's not even every week. You get evenings. They get barely anything.

I would get the nanny to stay until 6pm even if you get home to help with a few more things and dinner etc

it sounds overly exhausting, complicated and more expensive than it has to be

i would either go with full time nanny who takes 3 year old to and from preschool (using free hours) or just pop both children in a nursery for the days you work and drop off and collect both (this would be my preference)

you get house to work in in peace then as well