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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

linked by DNA?

3 replies

flyingvisit · 29/03/2023 14:31

Found out that I have a genetic sibling, from a liaison that my father had before meeting my Mother. My dad had no relationship with the child as he didnt react well (not nice) and the mum met someone else and went on to marry this man whilst pregnant. So they went their separate ways with the child growing up in a solid family unit with no disruptions.

So we are all grown adults (>40 yrs), I grew up with 4 siblings and I gather this person grew up with a sister and brother. The contact I have had is from the Mum, who sent me a message saying she thought I had the right to know I had a half sibling "out there". I am not sure if the others have been contacted yet, if so we will surely have a chat about that. The half sibling, according to the mum, is not sure what they want to do but it sounds more like he is interested in finding out about his dad than anything (makes sense). No moves to contact any half siblings as far as I know, to be honest I think its just the Mum reaching out.

Anyway , my feeling is why on earth does this make any difference? Just because you are from the same genes, why does this mean that 1) I would have the right to know they exist and 2) why it would even matter? We both grew up in full families. ( although I understand why someone might want to contact or find out about their actual genetic parent)

AIBU in having no interest in and have no feeling of a bond with someone just because they have a genetic link? I have very strong relationships with my brothers and sisters and thats mainly due to our shared history and lives. How would you feel? (obviously if the half sibling wanted to contact, I'd be kind and approachable but for me this wouldn't be like finding a long lost sibling or something).
Do genetic links even matter in cases like this?

OP posts:
Suetcrust · 29/03/2023 14:47

I have a half sister “out there somewhere.” We share the same mum.
I have no real interest in locating her. She was adopted out so it would be a challenge anyway to find her

My only proviso is that she might find it helps her to meet up with me & my other sibs and I do have an element of curiosity about how life has worked out for her. I hope she’s had a good life.

Our mutual mother is still alive but very frail and sadly is without further interest in her. There was lots of stress, anxiety and hurt surrounding her adoption many years ago.

On the other hand, she might bring a load of drama or dysfunction to my/our family life which I might find difficult to deal with because I’d want to help her. I don’t think I could cope with anything too stressful having worked hard to reach equilibrium and peace in life.

It’s a double edged sword.

Neededanewuserhandle · 29/03/2023 16:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Itsbytheby · 29/03/2023 16:05

If you are not interested, that's fair enough. I dont' think you have to be.

But I can also understand the draw to people who share your genetics. The same mannerisms and often characteristics as you.

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