AIBU? Carers leave for a poorly toddler/baby

[ExcitingTimes2021]

Im a little worried about my position at work due to childcare issues. I’m probably over thinking it but it’s really bothering me. work for the NHS in a clinical role, as dose my partner.

I have currently have a poorly toddler at home, i was supposed to be on a long day shift today but after she has been up all night being sick and a temp I can’t send her to nursery obviously. I don’t have any family who can help look after her if she is poorly. So I have had to call in as I have no childcare.

I have checked my absence summary and since May last year I have only taken 1 other day of careers leave. My partner has taken 3 so it was my turn. My girl is always picking up bugs at nursery and through winter she has been poorly every few weeks with a temp. Due to COVID, strep A and all the other nasty bugs doing the rounds this winter the nursery has updated the policy so that children with a temp cannot come in until 24 hours free of a fever, where as before they could attend if calpol managed it and they where generally otherwise well in them selves. If they have been sick/loose stools then its a minimum 48 hours exclusion period.

All the other times she has been poorly I have just been lucky they have fallen on mine and my partners days off so we have managed it between us, just losing a lot of sleep. (We both work shifts).

The policy says you can only have three episodes of cares leave in a 12 months rolling period. My partners days are about the drop off, but now it means I only have one days carers leave to last until December! I understand that staff can’t have unlimited time off for unwell children but am I being unreasonable in thinking that young children only being poorly 3 days a year is wishful thinking on the part of the trust? Especially in the first few years when they literally pick up anything and everything going? she hasn’t even had any of the ‘big ones’ yet (hand, foot and mouth, chicken pox, scarlet fever etc). When I called in the early hours this morning they asked if no one else could take her for the day so I could come to work. If I had someone else I wouldn’t be paying more then my mortgage every month in nursery fees?

I know it puts a strain on the team when they are a staff member down but what can I do? We share her poorly days equally between me and partner so it’s ‘fair’. What do other parents with not much family support do?

I should also add I have had to take a few sick days this winter as she passes her bugs and viruses straight to me. Not enough to trigger the sickness/attendance management policy yet though.

Yes. Fortunately for all involved me and my partner due to the way our shifts work have only ever missed one day at a time when we we have had to take time off. However I’m not sure how we will find other childcare if we needed more then one day as we don’t have a hand we are both on shift. Like other have suggested it would have to emergency annual leave or unpaid leave.

me and partner both dropped a few hours a week but neither can afford to drop anymore. The cost of everything is spiralling so we wouldn’t be able to afford our bills!!

I also went back to work when she was 9 months so has been at nursery over a year. No signs of sickness Slowing down x

I do think 2 was a turning point in part as moved to older 2-3 room at nursery then after a few D&V bugs (as fascinated by potties), seems like once away from the drooling, orally fixated babies she has picked up a lot less also.
It took 5ish months for a full week at nursery without sickness for us (and tbh think only as May and warm and she didn't teethe for a bit) and then 13 months for a full month with no sickness requiring being off nursery.
Hopefully as the weather warms up the number of bugs will reduce and you can catch a break!

I work for the NHS too and im on my own with 1 dc at school and 1 dc at nursery. At most trusts, carers leave is paid so there does have to be a reasonable limit to it. You could ask to use annual leave (but this would be managers discretion if its requested at the last minute). Trusts need to be able to staff the services they provide so its understandable.

Really? Even with family support, they're hardly going to want to take care of a vomiting child, are they?

It is really tough. We have no family support (though as I said, if a child is poorly enough to be off nursery, they're probably too poorly to be looked after by someone else), and when my second started nursery, me or DH were off pretty much every month with one of them. Though luckily I only worked three days a week then and DH four long days, so we only had two days a week to cover. Mixture of carer's leave and A/L. And then after six months of that, Covid hit, which was kind of good timing from that perspective...

Carers leave is at the discretion of your employer and there are a certain number of episodes you can take (it used to be three episodes over the course of a year, it may have changed). The needs of the service comes before ANY leave requests, if they aren't happy about it they won't allow it.

It is astoundingly generous and not the norm so I would be thankful that you even get that. Many parents have to take unpaid time off. I used to find it infuriating as a single person when people would take days and days off for their kid-issues... how is it fair on singletons? But that's another story entirely!

Thanks for the reply, but just to reiterate again that I understand there has to be a limit and I honestly wasn’t even sure wether my leave was paid or unpaid. I don’t care wether it is or isn’t when my child is poorly I just have to be there, or my partner of corse.

The needs of my child come before the needs of the service so if I cant have emergency annual leave (or carers leave) then I will happily and readily take unpaid time off as long as I will not be unfavourably treated for not having more help with childcare.

I was a lot more concerned as to wether I could somehow be ‘punished’ or my role jeopardised (sorry I’m very sleep deprived and can’t think of better/ more appropriate words at the moment). As only expecting a child to be poorly three times a year is ridiculous. I may have just misunderstood the policy though. My partner is staying off with her tomorrow so I can go to work. I’ll speak to my manager about it all.

Yes I completely understand that they need to plan to safely staff their services (and do a dire job of that as I cannot remember the last shift we had adequate staffing but that’s a whole other post). The issue is that if my child is poorly and I can’t come to work. I’m not coming in either way, paid or unpaid, so what difference does it make wether I use annual leave or unpaid leave? It just means I will have less annual leave to take later in the year and therefore less time they have to plan for less staff. X

Could you not look at a childminder / nanny as an alternative ? There sickness policy might be better

next time can you say you’re sick and not mention child?

It’s so hard with little children and sickness. Unfortunately many of us don’t live in a world where we have emergency childcare on tap. I have lots of siblings but they all have jobs. The grandparents are all elderly with significant health problems.

It gets better seasonally as well as when they age. Hang in there and for now allocate annual leave.

“I used to find it infuriating as a single person when people would take days and days off for their kid-issues... how is it fair on singletons? But that's another story entirely!”

im guessing that now you realise that no parents want to have an ill child, and that it’s very stressful worrying about them and not getting any sleep plus knowing your work is piling up and colleagues are getting frustrated by your absence (and possibly misunderstanding and thinking you’re having lots of lovely relaxing days off for fun and thinking it’s unfair)

I'm nhs too, DPs job doesn't pay sick pay. I went above the 3 days carers leave in the first year going back due to sickness and they offered to pay it as AL or take it as unpaid

This is exactly my current fight with HR at my current NHS employer. It affects staffing in our team detrimentally to force me to take it off unpaid because then I still have all my AL to take on top! Genuinely can't understand why they'd want that.

I’m sorry I can’t remember saying this… I guess I could have said it year ago pre baby but honestly cannot remember. I would have to trawl through all my old posts though and who’s got time for that… x

Can you just use your own sick leave?

You need to save annual leave I was in the same position with no help but me and dh had minimum AL days. Every single AL day went on dc sick or school hols. You have undoubtedly got more than the minimum so should be able to do this. It's hard OP all the best.

I’m NHS and there’s no way I could use AL in this situation as our AL has to be booked 2 months in advance due to Rita’s being done

Rotas

In 2020/21 we used over 30 days annual leave between us caring for sick DD. It was worse because of the Covid rules meaning she was off for days at a time waiting for PCR result’s etc

We always keep 2 weeks annual leave each for childcare as we have noone to help. It’s hard. We get contingency leave for childcare but it’s limited and DH sometimes has to take unpaid leave too (he earns less).

It gets a bit easier, DD is 3.5 and this year we have had far fewer days off but it’s still going to be about 15 for the year minimum.