If you are neurodiverse and socially inept do you ever feel that

[depressionisheavy]

anything you say, any of your ideas, are pretty much always dismissed or ignored, because the come from you?

I'm at a stage where I can't make myself try any more. I don't understand social cues, I have high anxiety petrified of making mistakes, and people who dismiss or ignore stuff I say will literally love the same idea coming from the mouth of somebody more likeable.

It's got to the point now where I shut down all stuff I used to enjoy like drawing or writing because I just see it all as shit now because it is mine.

I do have a decent amount of nice friends btw they're great and lovely and do like me, I'm talking about every job or group thing since school days when interacting with the majority of people who just think I'm the most stupid or boring person in the room.

does this happen anyone else?

Sorry I can't even explain this properly but I mean with drawing and writing I don't do them even though nobody but me would see them, because all I can think of is they're rubbish because I've done them. But I used to enjoy them just for myself.

Hi Op
Interesting Ted Talks Youtube ect would help you with techniques to improve your cofindence, and in social interaction too.

Don't give up doing Arts and creative writing that you enjoy and boosts your cofindence,

Don't worry what other people think,
They wouldn't try and change themselves to please, you,
They would only do this if they wanted to,

I think you need to be adventurous and explore hobbies (interests that you are curious about ,
Only take part in activities like this,to please yourself, !
Don't do these for other people's validation, (to please other people).

Don't worry what other people think, either ,
Nobody is perfect,
what makes us Speacial as individuals, is our uniqueness , is our quirkiness, qualities,

It be be boring if everyone was the same in life, !

Take part in hobbies (and interests that you enjoy purely to please yourself that's essential important in life

Be your own best friend,

Eventbrite is a good website for Arts 🎨 stuff aswell as stuff not related to Art subject
Youtube Internet is a good website too

Also look at improving your personal well being by taking mediation and yoga or chair yoga and other interests such as joining healthspa doing swimming 🏊‍♀️ sauna steam jacuzzi if its your sort of thing ?

Also Holistic Therapies treatments can give you a boost of feeling better too,

Will boost your cofindence, make yourself feel better,

Also spend time in nature,
Do spiritual stuff,
(Doesn't have to be Religious stuff going to church .

Also I sense doing volunteering work stuff activities for e.g nature conservation,
anything you are curious about and potential will enjoy,
Will be seriously beneficial for you in lots of various ways,
Plus you will have fun and potentially make new friends too,
Be surrounded by like minded people,

Also bonus too, it will improve your cv, if you later down the line want to do something financially better in life workwise,

Watch things on TV or on Internet read books magazines ect
Anything that will you feel better about you feel better positive about the world,

I need to quit my volunteering position. All those things you suggest sound really good and thank you for suggesting them. The problem is me though. In my head I'd enjoy all those things but in reality I just want to run away and get away from people.

If this is happening at work, and making you feel demoralised, you need to speak to whoever is responsible for HR.

I'd also suggest that if it's happening in social groups you need to find nicer groups!

There's nothing wrong with spending time on your own enjoying your own creativity. Make sure you think of this as for your own satisfaction, and really try not to worry what other people might think.

Yes, sometimes. But I think its easier for people to be sold an idea by those who can captivate them.

It does sound like you've had a big dent to your self-confidence. Is there any activity you could do to gently build it back up? Something where you know you'd be appreciated?

I think you're probably right about that, but that really is their loss!

Hi Op@depressionisheavy 👋

I think martial Arts displines would be beneficial to you aswell

I don't know what you think of this suggestion?

Funnily enough I have been meaning to do a self defence class for quite some time. Maybe I should look it up, but I feel so low now the social side seems daunting.

Wish I wasn't like this.

@loafintheoven I think that's the problem, I don't feel I'd be appreciated anywhere.

Because lets be honest, I have nothing to contribute really. It's like anxiety has now overwhelmed me so much, my previous modest confidence has totally evaporated and I am not kidding when I say I am frozen and immobile in the presence of others, unable to do the stupidest of tasks. Stuff I can figure out by myself if I'm alone.

I had utter panic the other day trying to turn on a new computer that was a brand I'm not familiar with. It feels like sobbing on the inside. I know at the time i'm being completely ridiculous for being so pathetic and if I was at home, or with people i felt comfortable with, I don't react like this.

It puts me off seeing friends. I just feel they're being charitable by spending time with me rather than I actually have any value add these days.

I'm just nothing and don't know how to get over it.

I get that. Ask for help with things and be sure to thank others profusely. Praise others ideas and then drop in your own and they will be more likely to listen. Best of luck

I feel so sad for you @depressionisheavy
Like every other human being, you have plenty to offer. The world isn't really set up for ND people, and it can take a huge effort to take the risk and put yourself out there.
I'd agree with @Goodread1 about martial arts. They can give you a real confidence boost, plus in my experience, quite popular with ND people, so you might find people who understand where you're coming from.
Be kind to yourself. You are a valuable human being. 💐

Yes I’m the same OP - I was largely disliked at both primary and secondary school … I’ve been unliked in every job Ive had. People think I’m weird.

I used to care but I suddenly stopped caring - I think it was around my 40th birthday. It’s liberating to not give a shit anymore. I guess I’m even more weird now that I’m not trying to be normal 😂

How are you on a 1-1 with good friends, OP?

I'd bet that when you're comfortable and happy with a close mate you have a really good time.

It's not about you not being enough, it's about you being in a situation that causes you anxiety. Nobody is at their best when they feel like that.

When you draw/write you are comfortable. Let yourself enjoy things, OP. But on your own terms.

As an aside, I watched a reel from a SM persona today, in which she answered a question of how she deals with trolls.

What she said was really interesting. She said she 'keeps a very small circle', as in of close friends and family, and only people inside of the circle can hurt her. She basically considers the harsh words of others as their problem and something to shrug off.

I'm a lot like you, and I think I'm going to give this kind of attitude a good go!

Are you diagnosed and do you have any access to support services?

That negative critical inner voice is very common in creative people. There’s a very good description of it in ADHD 2.0 and there are recognised treatments for it, besides medication.

I’m mentioning adhd particularly but there are overlaps between different types of neurodiversity and we’re all learning all the time.

Have you heard of RSD ( google RSD Dodson) because magnifying small social slights is another recognised pattern and knowing that it’s how my brain reacts helps me not get swallowed up in the tsunami of awfulness.

I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s so hard sometimes

I get this. I’m much better now I’m older but when I was a teenager I’d get crucified for doing or saying something the same as the “popular” girls. People just suck sometimes. Don’t let it stop you from doing what you love.

It is liberating to get to a point of acceptance with it all. Most people don't like me, find me uncomfortable etc. I call it a "them" problem. It is liberating to be myself and accept that most people will have some sort of problem with it. It feels much better than the decades of me trying to be "normal" and them disliking me anyway 🤪

Think of it like this. It's your life. Ultimately you have to give a shit about yourself. You have to love on yourself. You have to have your own back. Be on your own side. No one else has done this for you before so you might not have a role model or idea of what having your own back might look like. But you can absolutely practise, learn and discover. One day you might wake up and realise that you actually think you're pretty cool. There's no rush.

I don't think I'm neurodiverse but I have some issues and have suffered from anxiety probably all my life. Your mindset sounds very similar to how I used to feel. Antidepressants really helped alleviated my anxiety and I would also recommend cutting any alcohol if you drink as that makes anxiety worse. Maybe even caffeine. My mental health is miles better these days.

I totally second the PPs suggestion of reading up on Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, it was a game changer for me in terms of learning about how I filter comments/actions from others in such a way that I feel wounded by the smallest thing. It's stopped me from over-analysing every single interaction that didn't go how I expected/hoped and from going over and over what I should've said/done instead inside my head. It's absolute torture feeling so judged and dismissed all of the time, so even if it isn't RSD exacerbating things in your case, I hope that you can find ways to avoid those people that see neurodiversity and interpret it as there being something 'off' about you. My solution was to start my own business to get away from the conventional workplace/having colleagues, and to surround myself with creative types as there's a much higher amount of people with ND, and the NT folks in this group seem much more used to it and able to see our qualities!

Yes this really resonates I was disliked at school and in many job roles. I could literally say something and it would be ignored, but a different person could say the same thing and told it was great. Example I once had a bag I was mocked for, another person got an almost identical bag and was complimented on it.

I now have a job where everyone is weird so I fit in. I have taken my previous job experience working in schools and used it to my advantage when advocating for my son in education (basically masking but it works and I only have to do it for short periods of time) I don't have many friends any more but I have a lovely family so I just enjoy that. I do the things I enjoy - reading, tv, crosswords etc