To think that opening up about your mental health issues can lead to further isolation

[Mentalhealthstruggles]

I struggled for years, kept it hidden mostly and functioned ok amongst peers and in life. The past few years I have decided to open up about my struggles with anxiety and depression, be honest etc. now I have less friends. I am lonelier. I never get invited or included. I’ve been ghosted by almost everyone. It’s good to talk they say but in my case this has backfired. Has anyone else experienced this? I am sure that there are lots out there that talking has helped but are there any that are like me and wish I had never told anyone.

Also, I have compassion fatigue frankly. And when a young person tells me they have depression, i feel like saying "well, I was diagnosed long before it was fashionable, dahling". I honestly wonder if doctors have gone from being reluctant to diagnose to being keen to diagnose.

I agree with this. I thought times had moved on and people had more awareness of mental health difficulties these days. We are all encouraged not to bottle things up, especially when we know this has sadly led to people unexpectedly taking their own lives. If a friend can't take some honesty and real talk, they aren't a true friend. It takes guts OP to be open about your struggles and I applaud you for it. I'm so sorry you've not been met with compassion and understanding.

I’ve encountered this in recent years - and I always talk about my struggles factually so it’s not like I’m burdening them with any overly emotional sharing. I can also usually still muster up some banter and a laugh in the same conversation so I don’t completely drain the joy out of the room.

If I’m honest, I’m generally not looking for them to soothe me or say much either - I’m usually just explaining why I haven’t got much to report or didn’t have a good day or whatever. 🤷🏼‍♀️

It’s very hard. I couldn’t imagine doing the same in return.

Anyway, I don’t really share any of it now. But, like with you, I wish I hadn’t shared in the first place.

Same here. I agree with pp that it is hard to find people you can actually trust, that it usually does no good and somehow ends up with them betraying you or telling others they know you don’t trust. My situation was not a mental health issue exactly, just problems with certain vicious people in my life and I was so shocked and disappointed that the very few I confided in, either turned around and told everybody or secretly SIDED with the person who was awful to me.

Weirdly, it’s just easier to confide in my husband as what I say to him goes in one ear and out the other so while that means he then is still nice to my ‘enemy’, at least I don’t have to worry about him telling anyone since he didn’t really pay attention 😂

Would anyone want to give an example of something they feel they should be able to share? Barold your post struck me in particular, as I often say to mum "could we talk about something more cheerful" and she gets cross and says "why isn't this an okay topic".

In terms of opening up about MH issues, there is a difference between saying you have xyz diagnosis and maybe informing people about it, and what some might call " trauma dumping".
I have had to pull away from friends with MH issues, as they were using me as an untrained and unpaid therapist. Yet, they will then go on to say I abandoned them due to their MH issues, and say they should have never opened up about them.

This.
It took me years to see MH issues in the same way as say, diabetes or arthritis, but they're exactly the same - a health condition. I'm no longer embarrassed to admit I have MH issues but controversially I have to admit I think it's banded about too much these days and I agree that doctors seem keen to diagnose it. On the flip side, I've seen people squirm with embarrassment when I've told them I have issues, which is weird considering how much we're told to discuss it and accept it in the same context as aforementioned conditions! 🤷🏼‍♀️ Anyway, I don't dump on my friends but do tell them when I'm having a 'down day', and they sit with me, talk to me about normal day to day happenings and distract me from my mind ❤️

Thing is we're told to open up and share. We're told that our friends "would want to know" and when someone dies by suicide we hear how everybody who knew them just wished the person had told them how they'd been feeling.

And actually it's not true. Very few people want to know. They think they do, and it sounds abjectly mean to say they don't want to hear, but the relative is that they actually don't. They just want their friends and family members and, perhaps, colleagues to be ok.

I don't blame them, because listening to someone with MH problems can be tough, frustrating and disempowering. But it's simply not true that everybody who says "I wish I knew", actually wanted to hear it.

And it's not like arthritis, or other physical ailments because often the social support, understanding and empathy would soften the impact of many MH issues. And that's assuming they're not part of the underlying problem in the first place.

This.
And also, when someone tells you that they are feeling suicidal or similar, it can feel like a huge responsibility, and that you are now in charge of keeping them safe.
It is like seeing someone have a heart attack in front of you, except you have no idea how to do CRP.

CRP??? That should say CPR!

Friends aren't therapists. I find it useful to join women's circles, healing groups, go try psycho drama, go to AA, find a group of people who are actively working on their stuff. It's a lifetimes work, we are all layers of an onion and "the work" is never finished.... its just lots of lessons to get through.

I've found a group of people who are committed to their healing and well-being and its changed my life - 5 years on I am still committed to every session and weekend retreat that is offered.

oh and never open up properly at work - people are sympathetic for a week or so, but then they want you to hurry up and get better/start performing again

I am actuallly pleased you have posted this OP and for the wrong reasons. I've been suffering with my mental health for four years. Always managed it well, talked to myself and calmed down etc but since the last 6 months I have struggled like mad.
I want to be alone a lot, I have noticed I'm more withdrawn, i don't want to make conversation and I cannot be arsed with small talk. I haven't seen my boys all day and yet I just want to curl up in bed and be left alone. Every night! I used to enjoy the gym classes. I used to go daily. Ive not been for a while and even the fact I've booked a holiday in 3.5 months isn't motivating me.

with all this, I was planning to finally pluck uo
the courage to speak to someone but what you have said was already at the back of my mind which is the reason I've been bottling everything up for the last 4 years.
I work in the NHS. Gp's haven't got the time of skill to be dealing with mental health issues. The skilled trainers and mental health teams haven't got the capacity.it's absolutely Shit!

Yep. So many people say they will be there to listen, and then you get crickets.

I am worried that someone suicidal will read this thread and feel they have nowhere to turn :-( I would absolutely want to know if someone I cared about was feeling really low and I'd like to think I'd listen and support them in some way, even if that meant encouraging them to speak to a professional. I am not trying to minimize anyone's experience on here but I don't believe that most people would turn away, even if they found it difficult.

I think this is very true.

I also think that people who have a tendency towards isolation are often very giving. So they get caught up with self absorbed people who enjoy being looked after and supported. They don't see reciprocity as part of the deal.

Sitting back when you meet new people and discovering if they're the type to treat you fairly or just be obsessed with their own issues is worth the time, rather than assuming that if you are nice to them, they'll be nice back when you need it.