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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL demands

18 replies

Newchat · 27/03/2023 22:44

hubbie and myself are working a mental week, two primary school boys in school with clubs and commitments. Trying to bust our guts to get finished up for a holiday we are all excited about. We will be leaving very early Saturday morning. Ie at the airport at 5 am for flight.
MIL is performing in her orchestra on Friday evening night before we have to be at the airport. she sent a leaflet to us about it a few weeks ago. MIL has asked husband if we will be attending despite us saying we can’t, we have holiday plans which we have already cut short for family christening at the other end. She is guilt tripping husband asking if we could
find it in ourselves to even attend some of it. It is in a different city. I will be lucky to finish work at 7 pm any night this week and esp the night before we leave for holiday and will need to prep and pack. AIBU to think she is being unreasonable to ask this of us, to drag our kids to a different city the night before our holiday. I honestly want to tell her how unreasonable it is to put pressure on hubby about this…and where to go. In an ideal world we would be able to go but we have our own life and commitments. Also do I really want to go to a crowded concert
right before our holiday and get covid. Sadly our last holiday we got covid and it was totally awful. Agggghhh expectations and pressure

OP posts:

Tex81 · 27/03/2023 22:56

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ohfourfoxache · 27/03/2023 23:00

Whilst it would be lovely to be able to attend, it’s just not possible this time

Pearfacebananapoop · 27/03/2023 23:04

No just no.
Say you are still working. Say anything. Just no!

Ragwort · 27/03/2023 23:07

Your DH sounds a wet blanket ... surely he just needs to say 'sorry Mum, we can't make it due to prior commitments... hopefully we can come next time'.

End of ... don't even give it a second thought. Don't allow yourself to be 'guilt tripped'.

Timetosayno · 27/03/2023 23:07

Hell no, she is out of order

FictionalCharacter · 27/03/2023 23:14

Yanbu. It’s a bit childish of her to be so insistent. And how weird of her asking if you could attend some of it. Does she really want you to be seen walking out half way?!
Maybe her orchestra is so bad, they never get anyone else turning up, and have to coerce their families to go or else the hall would be empty 😬

HeddaGarbled · 27/03/2023 23:18

No one’s being unreasonable. She’s not unreasonable to ask; you’re not unreasonable to say no.

The Covid thing is a red herring.

TomatoFrog · 27/03/2023 23:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Slimjimtobe · 27/03/2023 23:24

Your dh needs to sort this !!! I would tell him so

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 27/03/2023 23:25

@HeddaGarbled there has been a recent spike in covid, there is quite a bit about at the mo.

OP just no . Its too much to ask .

LovePoppy · 27/03/2023 23:30

She’s being ridiculous. She’s allowed to be disappointed though

declutteringmymind · 27/03/2023 23:30

He can go.

Freddiefox · 27/03/2023 23:31

It really depends how many times she’s asked. If she’s asked once then you are over reacting.
if she’s asked more then yanbu.
but just say no, can’t make it, we have other commitments. Don’t try to justify it with the whole I need to pack, work … just say sorry no.

declutteringmymind · 27/03/2023 23:37

I've learnt a trick that a few people I know use.

They just do this really like sad pouty face and say 'oh I WISH it was possible and it's SUCH a shame we can't come but it will just be TOO MUCH for the kids etc. I'm sure you will be MARVELLOUS and it's such a good thing that you're doing and we are SO PROUD of you.' and then proceed to do what they want anyway.

Vivi0 · 27/03/2023 23:44

I wouldn’t do this to myself, or to my children, the night before such an early morning flight.

It’s particularly not fair on your kids. They need to be in bed and getting as much sleep as is possible with such an early flight. Not dragged over to another city to go to a concert.

It couldn’t be anything other than a “no”.

Thisismeyeah · 27/03/2023 23:49

Just say you can't go, if DH can't stand up for himself he can go but you can't. Simple really.

HelloWorldMessage · 27/03/2023 23:51

Let your husband deal with this. Simply ensure he is clear on the fact that you and the children are not going and it’s not up for debate!

PippaF2 · 28/03/2023 00:34

It would be a no from me, but I think just recognise it's a big deal to her, so it's a case of
'I'm really sorry, we just can't make it. Please do have someone send us a video or some pictures though if possible'.

Then on the morning of - send her a good luck card and maybe some flowers via moonpig etc.

You can both hold a boundary and be nice and supportive at the same time. She wants her family to see her play in an orchestra, something that she's likely been practicing for, for a long time and it is consuming all of her thoughts - that in itself is not terribly unreasonable. I would of thought most of us would feel a level of disappointment if we were in her shoes. (Unless there is a massive MIL backstory? I'm making an assumption she's generally a nice person?).

And I'm basing this on two things - you said oh I'm really sorry we can't go and then she's messaged her son and said - could you not come even for part of it - and that's the extent of the messages so far. If she's sending multiple messages and not taking no for an answer then that is unreasonable.

I totally agree with you though, it would be too much for you to attend the night before a very very early flight.

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