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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To buy my 15 year old alcohol?

42 replies

N467 · 27/03/2023 18:17

Need opinions as to me I don't see an issue but my partner does so maybe I am overlooking things.

My 15 year old DS has started to take an interest in alcohol probably around the time he turned 15, 6 months ago. He doesn't drink outside of the house (I may be being naive but he is very open and honest with me and I've never smelt/suspected him of drinking but I could of course be wrong)
Myself and partner are not drinkers, my partner is practically teetotal and I might have a couple of drinks every other weekend, the odd night out drinking once every 6 months or so.
My DS has tried a few drinks, e.g a little bit of wine, a beer and cider and the only one he quite likes are flavoured ciders. So probably about once every 3 weeks I buy him 1 cider to have when he wants. I don't see any harm in it, it's only 1 and I think that by introducing it as something to enjoy every now and then it will hopefully help him to see that alcohol is to be enjoyed in moderation every now and then, not for the sole purpose of getting drunk etc. My partner says I'm being irresponsible and he is only 15 so shouldn't be drinking at all.
By 15 I was secretly drinking out with friends, my partner says he didn't touch it until he was older so maybe my view on it is wrong.
So please tell me if I am unreasonable?

OP posts:

FusionChefGeoff · 28/03/2023 17:37

HowWoo · 27/03/2023 18:22

Well, my mum allowed me to drink on special occasions from 15. Bacardi breezes and WKDs 😂

I never lied to her about alcohol, never snuck out booze, was always open about drinking.

And from about 20 I realised I didn't really enjoy it and have been mostly teetotal since so I am taking the same approach as my mum

So far have a 19 year old who doesnt drink at all and a 17 year old who's tried it twice and says he hates it.

Same here - expect I've been a heavy drinker since 20 and now in recovery from alcoholism for the past 9 years in AA

so I don't think it really matters as some people can drink and in my experience some can't. When and how you introduce alcohol doesn't guarantee what will happen.

ChocSaltyBalls · 28/03/2023 17:38

YABU

a 15 year old does not need to sit in the house drinking alcohol.

I don’t drink any more (drink problem) so maybe I am not the most balanced I admit. I buy beers for my nearly 17 year old but only when he is going out with friends. He is not permitted to sit in the house on a non special occasion and drink alcohol. I don’t want him getting into that habit.

DrManhattan · 28/03/2023 17:41

DrManhattan · 28/03/2023 17:42

Pressed post too soon.

No don't buy them any. They are too young.

chocka · 28/03/2023 17:44

I’m not sure what the greatest predictor of later alcohol abuse is but there’s a very strong correlation between parents’ and (adult) kids’ drinking habits. As the parents you aren’t drinkers so statistically from that side of things your DS shouldn’t grow up to be a heavy drinker.

I grew up in London and the US (not in a big city). In London almost everyone’s parents bought them alcohol - or we just took it from their stores. In the US most parents took a very hard line on alcohol. Teens drank the same amount but instead of in homes we did it in woods, often driving back afterwards. Everyone knew someone or several people who had totalled their cars doing this.

Personally I think your approach is ok.

DogsDryWineAndCheese · 28/03/2023 17:47

At 15.5 years I think you’re being really sensible. He’s hardly getting plastered but having a gentle exposure within a safe environment. I was brought up allowed something week (eg fruit cider) on special occasions from around 13. It was only ever half a glass or so. I barely drank until I was around 21 as there just wasn’t a big novelty once I turned 18.
(I drink a bit more now but that’s just because I’ve discovered nice wine!)

gogohmm · 28/03/2023 17:52

I was relaxed around my kids, let them have wine with meals etc when they started asking (around 13) as did all my friends I should add. Adults now, one drinks more than the other but neither have ever been stupid with alcohol, it wasn't a mystery.

Perhaps it is where we were living but quite a few of DD's friends had wine and cheese birthday parties for their 16ths - best one was in her friends amazing cellar with over 1000 bottles of wine! (We had no such kind of house!)

Original poster

N467 · 29/03/2023 20:26

I can completely understand both sides, I suppose I'm completely basing my approach from my experience which was that my mum never introduced or allowed me to have alcohol and around the age of 14/15 I was sneaking off to drink, even stole some from home on odd occasion when I could get away with it and obviously i don't want the same for my DS.
But of course I don't want to give him the impression he can drink what he likes especially as he is underage.
Fruity ciders just seem quite 'tame' to me but I suppose if he was drinking shots of vodka or something I might think differently. I will have to give it some more thought!

OP posts:

Flowerblooms · 29/03/2023 20:53

This is a topic that comes up a lot on here and always leaves everyone divided.

My personal opinion is it’s fine, I was allowed the odd sip/glass of wine in my early teens. I was never too fussed, now as a adult I hardly drink maybe 5/6 times a year at special occasions. I have followed the way my parents were around alcohol and my 13 year old has had a small alcoholic drink here and there at special occasions over the last 1/2 years. He also isn’t fussed by it and 9 times out of 10 declines the offer.

Marblessolveeverything · 29/03/2023 20:54

Why would you give them alcohol and raise the risk for some cancers and liver failure. Their body is growing.

I really can not understand this rush to actually give alcohol to teens. When all research shows the increase in chronic liver disease

Hawkins00 · 29/03/2023 20:57

ichundich · 28/03/2023 08:27

I think 15 is a bit young as he is still growing. It's illegal to sell alcohol to under 18's for a reason.

That's only with licensing, in private it's legal to drink alcohol, it's only in eg pubs , supermarket etc that you need to be 18

stinkfaceison · 29/03/2023 21:02

The more you deny the more they want to try . I used to give mine low alcohol beers so they couldn't get drunk but felt grown up . Half the time they never bothered with it . We've all been 15 . We've all tried drink .

caringcarer · 29/03/2023 21:03

I understand what you are doing but think you are introducing alcohol too young. Why not wait until your son is 18?

Hawkins00 · 29/03/2023 21:13

N467 · 29/03/2023 20:26

Op, he's not under age, the law in the UK is it's legal from the age 5/6 if it's being drunk in private, it's only with licensing ect that it has to be 18

Mossstitch · 29/03/2023 21:31

I agree with your approach. Three grown up sons, all allowed alcohol at home from about 14 (small bottle lager or glass prosecco with a roast at the weekend or holidays). One went teetotal & vegetarian at 16 and didn't really drink for 10 years, now enjoys it on special occasions like Christmas, one doesn't like it at all but addicted to coca cola 🤷 none went off the rails getting drunk out of the house or drinking in secret.

theGooHasGone · 01/04/2023 21:27

My mum would buy me a few cans of cider to take to parties at age 15/16. Her rationale was that if she didn't, I'd still find a way to get it anyway which might be more dangerous. I was sneaking into pubs at 16/17 anyway - it's not like she was sending me down a bad path.

I think she gave me a decent upbringing and taught me not to do shady things to get alcohol from others.

MargaretThursday · 01/04/2023 21:54

You'll have people here horrified that you've let him try when he's under 18yo.

But really, I think that brings a better relationship with alcohol because it's not a forbidden fruit.
My parents made wine. Grew up often having a small glass (sometimes with juice added) from tiny. I rarely drink now. I probably have a couple of ciders over the year and perhaps a glass of wine at Christmas. My siblings are similar.

I've let my dc try alcohol from when they asked to try it, just a sip at first. The 22yo occasionally has a glass of wine, the 19yo doesn't like any alcohol, and the 15yo will have half a glass of cider if I'm having one. I bought the 15yo some low alcohol beer for Christmas because he asked for a bottle, and it's still sitting in the fridge.
We have a well stocked alcohol cupboard (mostly because whenever we are given any it tends to be in there and not used!) so if they wanted to they could have some.

Of the people I've known with alcohol problems a good proportion weren't allowed to touch a drop until they were 18yo and then they went wild.

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