It's been 2 months since my mum died and I don't want to do anything

[WiltingFlowerz]

I have zero motivation, just want to stay at home on my sofa. I do go out though but it's so hard. Not agoraphobic or anything. I just can't see the point?

I'm grieving, it's very tough but I'm sort of ok but then also not ok. Don't know if that makes sense. But I just don't want to do anything.

Loads of self care stuff I do when having a hard time, my yoga classes that I do love and things - remind me of her so much it's really painful. So I've been avoiding them. All my natural interests are ones we share.

How can I get back a little bit of motivation for living my own life?

It's normal 🌺. I am one year post DH's death and day to day love fe still feels like treacle a lot of the time but it is getting better. I keep just doing things in the hope that one day, the wading through treacle feeling goes (and it is, slowly)

@WiltingFlowerz it is really early days and it’ll take time to process what has happened. There is some good advice on here https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/feelings-and-symptoms/grief-bereavement-loss/

You can also talk about your mum if it helps. X

@MNHQ might be able to move this to a better location for bereavement.

Totally normal. Take as long as you need.
I spent the first two months after my mum died watching classic EastEnders, reading Lisa Jewell books and drinking too much. it's all that got me through.
It will get easier but it never ever goes away ❤️ so do whatever you have to do to cope right now.

Sending love, you’re immeasurably strong and this must feel so so hard. Be gentle with yourself, there’s no right or wrong way of feeling. Take the time you need it will get better xxx

I’m so sorry for your loss, op. When my dad died I did the same. I was practically comatose for 3 months, although it was during lockdown I think I would’ve been the same regardless.

@WiltingFlowerz it's still very early days💔🌹

i totally understand 'being ok, but also not ok'. It's a weird feeling isn't it.

But you're here, talking about it, so there must be a slight shift towards wanting to do more?!

it's lovely you & your Mum shared so many things. Could you maybe try to do things 'for you both' Like maybe yoga? Do it because it's good for you & your Mum would be happy to see you looking after yourself?

It's SO hard, but you do start to live alongside it a bit more than it being all consuming. I TRY to think of a good memory when I get upset.

rarly days lovely, early days xx

When my mum died I tried to stay away from people as much as possible because I couldn’t stand any demands being put on me. I just about managed to function as a mother. I lay in the bed holding on to one of her cushions from her home. I wrote in a journal about her and my thoughts and memories. I think it’s normal to want to feel cocooned from the world at this time. Have you thought of keeping a journal to write about anything and everything ?

Oh OP,
What you feel is completely normal. In the grand scheme of things, it's still very, very early days. You have had a massive trauma, and your brain/body needs time to process that.
Grief is also not a linear path. There are going to be ups and downs along the way. I'm personally 5 years on from my dad dying, and even now I'm still hit with waves of grief, usually out of nowhere.

Although it doesn't feel like it now OP, it will pass. You will be happy again. Just take it very gently, and allow yourself all the time you need.

Sending you love. xxx

Well, I went to the gym yesterday and it really helped for a few hours. I felt better.

Now last night back to no sleeping and crying a lot. I'm still crying now this feels like a prison sentence and it's never going to end because it can't.

My parents wanted me to have a good life and I can't manage that, not now, and the guilt from that is immense as well.

I am so sorry :( and that's completely normal. Don't feel like you HAVE to be getting over it and have to be doing anything at any stage to be 'normal'. Everyone grieve differently and it's your own journey you have to make to walk out of this.

I obviously cannot compare your pain to losing someone so important to your life. But I have been dumped from a 8 years relationship and that felt like death. For 3 month I felt like just PURE DARKNESS. I couldn't breathe and didn't really sleep much eat much or do anything. Your friends are trying to check up to say are you feeling better let me know what they can do. But somehow you feel like starting to update them after 1mth 2mth you are somehow making progress when you are not! Don't worry about anything you just do you!!

The pain will always be there but time I do still believe is healer of all things. The scar will be there and pain will be there but it will be less like gut punch and it will feel more like lingering pain as the time passes.