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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sports fundraising

4 replies

DontWannaPay · 27/03/2023 14:03

I have a friend who's DC do a sport that they take quite seriously. This involves travelling to other parts of the UK, and occasionally the EU, for competitions where the DC are competing at national level. My friend fundraises like crazy for this and I, along with my DP, and pretty much everyone she has ever met have contributed to her fundraising. I kind of hate it as I feel pressured and even after contributing a little, I am still tagged onto fundraisers for the same event, etc. But at the same time I was initially very impressed at her DC being selected to compete at national level, so I went along with it and paid up a few times. Especially when she told me when we were together how much it was costing just for her DC to compete and her to accompany them. (A low, but not that low, four figure amount.)

I didn't think a huge amount about it until after the competition when her DC and the others in their particular local team took in an absolute haul of gold medals. At world championship levels. DC and I also do a sport very seriously, and a few others less seriously but do occasionally train with competitors with Olympic and World Championship level goals. I know how much they go through to even have a hope at getting to compete at those levels. The series of recognised competitions they must get through to be in with a hope of even competing. So it seemed a bit off to me but I know different sports will have different standards and I know nothing about theirs. So I just congratulated her and her DC when I saw them.

However it didn't take long until the fundraising started again and I started getting tagged into all sorts of fundraisers. This time I looked up the competition and tbh, it definitely looked a bit suspicious. I couldn't see a lot about them on their website, which looked really amateurish. Most of what I could see, related to charges for things. I looked on their social media and a lot of that was photos of the same man in a suit. I checked out the governing body the competition was under and they have these 'World Championships' in numerous countries throughout the year. Then I looked into the sport in general and saw that the most officially recognised governing body is not this one. By this point, I wasn't surprised. I checked out the national subsidiary of the international body, and they have nothing to do with the competitions my friends DC are involved in. And there are numerous competitions held nationally that competitors must compete in and reach a certain standard to be selected for national teams and international competition. (As is standard in many sports.) The club my friend's DC are in, never compete in these, even though they do not seem to incur the same sort of expense.

So after that (my DC is sick and I'm bored at home) I looked up the differences in the governing bodies and competitions and came across a number of forum posts from those in the sport that discussed these. It seems the competitions my friend is involved in are basically almost a scam. They pay a lot of money to compete against very few other competitors. Those who compete then have a very high chance of winning medals. They aren't quite paying for medals and titles as there is still an element of competition, but it is incomparable to the medals and titles won at competitions held by the internationally recognised bodies. So, at this point, I really, really don't want to contribute to any more fundraisers. I get that her DC may really enjoy these competitions and if she wants to keep doing them, good for them. But it's really just a fun/vanity thing that if they want to do, they should be covering the costs themselves. Though I'm very worried it will be noticed, especially as she'll actually ask outright for a contribution if she sees you in person.

OP posts:
Brieandme · 27/03/2023 14:13

I can understand your reservations - my family are into various martial arts, and dodgy 'world championships' are common in some disciplines, usually because someone has taken an existing art, changed a few minor things, given it their own name and declared themselves 'world leading'. Easy to be best in the world if you're the only one doing something! They then have tournaments from a very small pool of competitors which makes winning much more likely.

That said, I don't think theres any reason to tell your friend that these are the reasons you want to back out. You don't have to justify it, and doing so would likely result in her trying to 'prove' that you're wrong and the comps are legit. I'd just say something along the lines of 'things are tight at the moment' if asked. Repeat until she gets the message.

DontWannaPay · 27/03/2023 14:57

This is a martial art, so I guess this is relatively common then? I don't plan on saying it to her. Tbh, she's a smart person, she has to know herself on some level. But if her kids are with a club and they enjoy it, and this is what the club is doing, then I understand her going all in on it for them.

But I definitely don't want to contribute to the fundraising anymore. I just suspect the main thing I'd be doing is lining the pockets of the man in so many of the social media photos. And he looks like he has more money than me. The DP, I mentioned contributing are my parents. So I will talk to them about it, so they know. I wonder if she'll find fundraising harder this time around if others have worked out that this isn't the kind of competition you imagine when you think of a world championship?

OP posts:
Sugarfree23 · 27/03/2023 15:07

Your the same as many, easy to raise funds the first time, and every time after that it gets harder.

I'd say nothing. If she asks in person just say 'sorry can't afford it, paying for my DC to do. X' I wouldn't mention anything on social media

bingoitsadingo · 27/03/2023 15:22

Fob her off with something non-commital about finances, or I’d be tempted to play naive and say that if they’re winning world championships surely the national governing body is covering their costs for future international competitions where they’re representing the country. And encourage her to look into professional sponsorships. Grin

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