Please help - AIBU changing DD name?

[MarleneH]

Good morning all
this is something that’s been beating me up for over a year.

when DD was born, we gave her the middle name of my fathers grandmother, (so my great grandmother) it’s still quite an ‘in use’ name, and used it because we genuinely liked the name, not so much the link as my great grandmother died long before I was born. So I never knew her. It’s almost like it just ‘happened’ to have a family link.

after a few weeks we felt as if the name didn’t flow so changed it. I’d obviously felt pretty rubbish about this as the name was that of my fathers grandmother - but the name didn’t flow so we had a legal birth certificate change. We just removed the middle name all together.

I was quite upset about the whole situation (and still am) however my mother spoke to my father and she said he was fine about it and to name my child what I wish.

please help me find peace with this. My father has never spoke about it since, he is quite forgetful and even asked a few months later what DD’s middle name was - as if he’d forgotten?

I just feel sorry for my dad, and that I’ve disrespected him??

please help me come to terms with this. Xxx

Just forget it, it’s done now. Your not going to change it back so I’d just move one.

In the nicest way possible, it sounds like you're making a mountain out of a molehill.
He doesn't sound too bothered so I'd just try to put it behind you.

He seems fine with it so there's really no need for you to feel bad.

Seems OTT having to "come to terms" with it!

If your dad felt so strongly about the name he would have used it as your middle name. You are under no obligation to name your child after anyone (and this is coming from someone who did “family” names)

How old is baby now, are you still struggling post birth? It sounds like you are fixating on this, but maybe it's depression speaking? In a few years this will just be a story to tell your child about how she used to have a different middle name. It's no big deal.

Thank you so much for this.
the name is a gender neutral name (has both a female and male version), and I am one of 4, so my dad had 4 chances to use the name and he didn’t so I do take comfort from that

for example if the name was Josephine, he could’ve used it as a middle name for my sister or me, or even Joseph as a boy for my two brothers which would’ve been a nod to family, however he didn’t and I take comfort from that x

Think about it another way, you named her after YOUR GG, and then you changed your mind. You don't feel disrespected by the decision, and why should your father? You didn't name her Denise because your dad is Denis, and then change your mind. That may have been different. I think, looking at the bigger picture, you may have post natal depression. Perhaps you need to talk to your GP. Look after yourself, @MarleneH

Were you under pressure to make the change?

This is so true and is a very different way of looking at it.

thanks so much xx