Men who leave after early years

8 replies

LowBar · 26/03/2023 23:25

Is it just me who thinks some men are happy to have their wife or partner do the early years slog, treat them like dirt, then when the kids are in school they can just leave easier. The grunt work has been done.
He can look like he tried for the kids.
She's usually exhausted emotionally. Financially impacted.

Man can then claim she's crazy ex. Become the Disney Dad he's always dreaming about and pick up a new girlfriend to do wrap around care for his kids.

Or am I just projecting?

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/03/2023 23:32

I take it you’re talking about a specific person and it’s your ex who has a new girlfriend.

Original poster

LowBar · 26/03/2023 23:52

I just see it on repeat
Men outsourcing childcare while abusing their partners emotionally/financially etc then flouncing
Mine currently 'can't leave yet' but hates me. And it just so coincides with when all the childrearing early years will be done when they apparently will be able to afford to go.
When I said how convenient that seemed they were absolutely furious and said they'd leave now.
Yet they haven't..

OP posts:

Tothemoonandbackx · 27/03/2023 00:08

100% YANBU, I see it all the time from most men I know unfortunately. Didn't happen with me personally, as my ex is a fantastic dad to my DD, and it was me that wished to part ways. But I know a lot of men both through personal and professional life, that have done this to other women x

ToastMarmalade · 27/03/2023 00:13

I agree. I left my Ex when our child was 2 years old, and trying to get him to actually have him for more than a day was like getting blood out of a stone. However he projected to everyone else what a caring Dad he was. He didn’t have him overnight for another 2 years. He didn’t want to leave at that point, but was making zero effort.

Then when DS was older, he suddenly wanted to be more of a Dad and have him for holidays, when he was easier. 🙄

GneissWork · 27/03/2023 00:18

You are being unreasonable for letting men get away with this. I would have chucked him out if he made me do the “grunt work”

JudgeRudy · 27/03/2023 00:26

I don't think anyone actually stays with a partner with a specific end point in mind just to 'look good'. I do think statistically it might well happen a lot around this time and it's more likely to be the father that leaves rather than than the mum. This arrangement is generally mutual as mum's tend to want their kids with them. I am generalising, but that's what this post is isn't it, a generalisation. I don't think men have some ulterior master plan. It's sad all round.
What I do think is if women didn't mention wanting children and left it to the man to initiate they'd be less kids. Also if you asked a man if he wanted children but would be prepared to be the 'main carer' they'd decline to procreate. I'm don't think it's simply about expecting someone else to do the 'grunt work'...I think they just aren't as bothered where as most women do want kids and are prepared to do this because presumably they get more back so its a far exchange. Some women will knowingly get impregnated by a waster knowing deep down he's not gonna stay.
I feel though that once the children are here and a proper bond is established most men do love their kids

JudgeRudy · 27/03/2023 00:29

GneissWork · 27/03/2023 00:18

You are being unreasonable for letting men get away with this. I would have chucked him out if he made me do the “grunt work”

I think that's part of the argument that when you say you'll chuck them out, then you end up doing even more!

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 27/03/2023 00:30

Yep.

Beware of men who claim their ex is crazy. He means he drove her to the brink and she didn’t like it.

I also notice lots of widowed men who snap up a new woman within weeks and are engaged within a year. It happens A LOT.

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