Thread for “breadwinner” working mothers to say how much domestic and child related stuff they do

[HerculesMulligan]

Because that’s what I am and I get totally frustrated by threads about feckless husbands making no domestic contribution but excusing themselves because of their work, so I thought a few examples of how you can be the parent who works/earns most and not actually be a dead weight hanging round your spouse’s neck. I’ll start:

I earn double what my husband does but we work identical hours. That being said my husband's hours stop when his hours are up.

My hours finish when I projects allow.

I look after probably 90% of domestic duties which is endlessly frustrating. This isn't the man I married, he shared 50/50 at least, but he's the husband I'm now married to. Whether that remains the case is still to be seen.

I work full time - husband is a sahd. I do all the washing, get up with the kids and do their breakfast most mornings, clean the bathroom, put the bins out, all house admin, load and unload dishwasher, cook dinner and clean up after. He does the school run, helps with packed lunches, watches the kids while I’m working, looks after the garden, does probably half the weekly shops. I don’t think we split things equally but if I bring it up he gets v defensive.

I was always the breadwinner. It never bothered me as I thought we had an equal and loving marriage in all other ways. Had 3 children including twins turns out despite me doing 99% of it all he still couldn't hack family life so left: so now I do it all. He sees them for an hour or so here and there. In many ways it's easier. In many other ways it relentless and lonely

I work more and earn more but also do more domestic work due to various physical & emotional stresses on DP. I've coped with this by reducing the domestic load. Beds don't get made (no need with duvets!), dusting is infrequent, the inside of the cooker has never been cleaned - dirt just kind of carbonises away. Thankfully no one seems to mind.

We both work full time. I am about to start earning almost double what DH does, but he's unfortunately in a very restrictive role with barely any flexibility, can be sent away for months. We've balanced this by me pursuing my career in the public sector, very 9-5. A lot of the childcare has fallen to me but DH will do pick ups when he can, and he did a lot of the sick days (less so now I can just WFH) He does a lot at home though (when he is here) he does all the laundry, cleaning up etc. I do all the mental load though. We are getting there, our reoccurring argument is DH not putting his foot down at work, very male environment, most of the wives don't work or are part time so they assume I can pick up the slack.

We’re a bit like Squiglet

both work FT. I earn quite a lot more than DH

We have very low standards and do very little really. I’m always a bit baffled by the long lists of “life admin” people post.

Single parent
Work full time - decent career luckily
No contribution from father - financially it otherwise

It's tough but when I see people having to deal with deadweight lazy men-children I'd rather be single!

That doesn't sound fair on you at all :(

Single working mum 3dc, do exactly the same amount of house work now as I did when I was with ex, other than taking on the apparently extremely taxing role of putting the bin out on Thursdays. The only difference now is I get EOW free to do whatever I want!

Single so only breadwinner now, 1 DS. Was always the breadwinner but ex was completely useless eg wouldn't fetch his own meal from the kitchen, I'd take it to him. Wouldn't take the dishes to the sink. Now i work full time and obviously do everything else but actually I have less to do now that I don't have a massive man child stinking up my house. DS is 3 and takes his dishes to the sink 😆 and as PP said, I'd rather stay single than put up with any shit.

I’m the breadwinner. Partner works full-time. I’m full-time but some days are longer hours and some are quite short.

Housework is generally about 50/50 but I do all life admin and vast majority of childcare. I’m usually more able to do school drop-offs and will tend to pick up from school or after school club. I would also say that I sort the kids’ tea out every day and meal plan for us, although partner tends to cook our evening meal.

The counter side to that is that if the kids are ill, or school is closed, my partner generally has to rearrange his work and take the time off to be at home, unless I happen not to be working that day.

I earn 5x what he does. I carry the entire mental load and do the majority of parenting. He does all the gardening (over an acre) cooking and the vast majority of cleaning.

I earn most of the money and also do most of the housework and the “mental load” stuff. Clearly took a wrong turning somewhere…

Single parent here too, work full time in a director level role with two DDs primary age. It is really really hard at times but it is nowhere near as hard as when I was living with a man child. Plus as PP I get time to myself EOW that I didn’t used to get. I much prefer my life now.

I work ft and so does DH. I earn more but that's not relevant. We split stuff. Pick ups, drop offs, kids ill etc. Kids clubs and medical stuff we take 50:50. Eg he does dentist I do doctor. He does washing and exterior house stuff, I do shopping and cooking. Secret is we split and then don't comment. Once the power is devolved then I wouldn't comment unless invited to. I see lots of people here moaning that their DH doesn't do enough but then they start criticising everything that he has actually done. No time to micromanage or aim for perfection if you both work. If it's done then that's enough.

I earn more and work more.
Me 4 days, DH 3 days.

He does the majority of the cooking, shopping meal planning and the finances & mental load re renewing insurance/MOT/savings/mortgage
etc. He probably does the bins more and does the repeat prescriptions. He probably does more cleaning/hoovering/mopping

If the house needs a full blitz or we need to pack for something most likely I’ll take the kids out and he’ll do the cleaning/packing.

I do the majority of the laundry & bed changes but DH does some. I do general tidying as I go.

I do most of the hospital appointments and school admin, social admin - play dates/parties for the kids and our own social life. I would sort e.g. World Book Day/comic relief and would generally organise things like buying clothes.

We would both be happy to give the other a day/evening/weekend away/off as needed. I probably get invited to more things with friends. I have got DH a night in a hotel as a treat to try and even things up a bit.

I tend to do the majority of night wakings but DH would step in if I seemed broken or if I asked and he would feel bad about me doing more of it than him. He’d do more early mornings to make up for this.

I think we both think we’re getting a good deal!

I do everything. Earn. Cook, clean, all child related responsibilities, all house. No family and dad not involved.

Both work full time but I work longer hours, earn more, have a long commute and a far more stressful role. Apart from cooking and shopping I do everything in terms of housework, children and mental load. Not sure I'll stay unless there's a change.