AIBU to set money aside for one relative's child and not another?

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A cousin of mine had a child with his then girlfriend. We were very happy for them but they had a very difficult relationship and split after a year. We haven't been able to see his son since and he sees him once a year at best, which I'm not impressed by but that's another story.

My cousin has since moved on and has two daughters by another woman.

I've been putting aside money for his son who is now 10, it's money that he would have received for birthdays and Christmas plus other occasions when my cousin's children would receive money. He's missed at family events and I hope to make contact with him when he's older and at least give him the money. It won't be a fortune but it's something to show that he hasn't been forgotten.

However his Sister thinks that we should be doing the same for his daughters too but they receive money on their birthdays, Christmas and other events regularly. It's just that they aren't receiving it in a lump sum.

So AIBU to save money for just one child?

So AIBU to

YANBU.

I’d want very little to do with a man who is such an utter waste of space that he can abandon his child.

YANBU

YANBU. The older child has lost not just presents but presence.

YANBU of course. Otherwise the unabandoned kids get paid twice.

Have you tried reaching out to the first mum?

YANBU but I wouldn't discuss this with anyone else, it's nothing to do with them.

YANBU

I suspect my neices will. get a lump sum from my Mum when they are older, which my sons haven't had.

That's because my Mum sees my boys a lot, when they were younger she gave them money every time she saw them. My nieces live abroad and my mum rarely sees them. Mum has a thing about fairness so I'm sure they won't lose out.

Is it really your place? You aren't the child's auntie but a second cousin. Is that a close enough relationship to warrant it? Are you interfering where it is not your place? I'm not meaning to sound judgey but just wondered whether these are questions you have considered. Ultimately you can do what you feel is best as it is your money. This child may never make contact and that is up to them. They may also not want your money, or take it but want nothing to do with you. It doesn't guarantee you a relationship with them.

I think it is a lovely thing for you to do but I probably wouldn't have shared the information with your other cousin.

You can but it seems a bit odd to me. You have no relationship... it seems like a bribe to get him to have contact with you tbh. I'm sure that's not the intention, but it's all a bit strange to me. He's a cousin once removed who you haven't known for years.

That's a lovely thing to do, and no you don't have to give the other children the money twice. You are giving to them all the same, just at different times.

YANBU just say okay I'll stop buying all birthday and Christmas gifts and stop any treat's. That should shut them up.

The sister is jealous. Ignore her.