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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He chooses football..

18 replies

kingfromchess · 26/03/2023 13:10

We have 2 kids and at least 1 night a week he goes to football until late and then even though I work Sundays most Saturdays he clears off to watch a game.
AIBU to be pissed off with this?

OP posts:
Coraline353 · 26/03/2023 13:19

Hard to say. Who had your kids while you work and he's at football? Do you get any time for hobbies or seeing friends. What exactly in this setup is it that's upsetting you?

Divorcedalongtime · 26/03/2023 13:21

I assume he did this when you met too? Men often don’t have to give up their hobbies whilst women tend to. Yes it’s annoying. Single life rules, just saying

Tayegete · 26/03/2023 13:21

Yes! Presumably in that set up you have no time as a family. I would be annoyed too.

dudsville · 26/03/2023 13:22

I agree, not enough info. If it's a keen interest of his then why shouldn't he engage with it? My husband loves football. He doesn't play it but watches all the games. I love sewing and reading, both of which take me away from time with him. We do things we like together too. It's OK to have a few priorities only some of which are shared.

Coraline353 · 26/03/2023 13:23

And how old are the kids?

Original poster
kingfromchess · 26/03/2023 13:25

Youngest is 18 months old and the eldest is 6. It means we have no family time as he works all week, Saturday he goes off to football and then Sunday I work. I don't really do anything on my own, I always have the children with me if I do anything such as meeting friends for coffee or a wander round the shops.

OP posts:
ssd · 26/03/2023 13:27

Surely he could have the kids around the football, or do you mean he drives miles away for away games

LaughingSomnambulist · 26/03/2023 13:27

He goes to football one night a week? So?

I'm a single parent. I’ve still managed to arrange going to a book club once a week and playing in a string quartet once a week. If I was with their dad still, I would absolutely still do that. You can continue to have a life even after having kids.

The weekends should be more fairly split between family fun time and personal fun time so he needs to cut that down to every 2nd or 3rd Saturday, so that you have a family Saturday and then you also get a personal Saturday.

Botw1 · 26/03/2023 13:27

Of course yanbu.

Start going out 1 night a week and next sat get up and go out before he goes to the football

He can watch his kids for a change

Stop putting up with it

bunnypenny · 26/03/2023 13:36

What’s the rest of the time like? does he work M-F full time and then look after the kids on Sunday while you work?

Coraline353 · 26/03/2023 13:59

One night a week doesn't feel unreasonable as long as you're also free to go out and do something for yourself if you want to.

Weekends are tough though as it does mean you're solely with kids 6 days a week and have no family time. Is he out all day? Could you talk to him about limiting to every other weekend? Also does he pull his weight at home?

TrishM80 · 26/03/2023 14:31

No family time? What do you do in the evenings?

Coraline353 · 26/03/2023 14:41

TrishM80 · 26/03/2023 14:31

No family time? What do you do in the evenings?

With kids that young, bath and bedtime by the time her DH is home I suspect

Tayegete · 26/03/2023 14:43

You can't go on a family day out in the evenings! For most people evenings are rushed - tea/ homework/ chores/ bath and bed time with everyone tired after work/ school/ nursery.
MN always seems to focus on both parents having equal time away from the family when actually, particularly when the kids are this young it's more about spending time together.

averylongtimeago · 26/03/2023 14:47

Good grief you have had some unhelpful answers here- I would guess from either single and/or childless people men.

When you have kids,life changes. For a while hobbies and personal time has to take a back seat, for mums and dads. All too often mum is left juggling childcare, work and running the household while dad swans around going to his vital hobbies and nights out with the lads.

Of course, NAMALT, but if yours is, then you anbu and he should step up to his responsibilities- I would be very unhappy in your shoes!

CheeseMcKnees · 26/03/2023 14:48

I would be. But then I married someone that dislikes football, it was one of the main selling points

TrishM80 · 26/03/2023 15:01

It depends. You say most Saturdays, so it's not every Saturday, and presumably he's free on Saturdays when the season is over?

How long is he gone for on the Saturdays that he goes to games? Maybe compromise that he only go to home games so that he's not away all day and he's free every second Saturday?

skippy67 · 26/03/2023 18:24

1 night a week? Doesn't sound so bad. But because it's for football, you'll get lots of people agreeing with you...

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