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AIBU?

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Original poster

If your baby is sick - and partner has work the next day

25 replies

archnemmy · 25/03/2023 21:40

Is it acceptable to expect a bit of help - at 9 pm with the situation ?

My baby is crying uncontrollably. I put her down at 7. She's not very well. I've been at hospital all day with her.

Partner stayed home with older child and allowed a nap- never a good idea, as they then do not feel tired at night. Seeing as the baby is so unwell, I needed the older one to go to sleep at a normal time- but of course, with a long nap today- this is out of the question. So I'm dealing with a screaming baby and a toddler who wants to be part of it.

My partner has to work tomorrow so doesn't think he needs to be involved. I'm fuming because the older one would be asleep if partner hadn't allowed the nap- and he only allowed the nap so he could also sleep himself.

I was already up the whole night last night with a screaming baby. Absolutely furious. It's not even the middle of the night. I know Partner needs to go to work tomorrow, but I need to wrangle ill baby and toddler all day by myself until bed time tomorrow too. So I hardly have time off.

When I said ' of course, everything is my problem as always ' partner absolutely lost it.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 25/03/2023 21:42

Working tomorrOw does not give you a free pass no wonder you are angry

Aquamarine1029 · 25/03/2023 21:43

Your partner is shit.

TokyoSushi · 25/03/2023 21:44

Unless your partner has to be up at 3am something then he absolutely should be helping!

AnneElliott · 25/03/2023 21:45

Agree that 9pm is not late and he should be pitching in.

Luredbyapomegranate · 25/03/2023 21:45

I am sorry your baby is ill- I hope she’s getting better.

I don’t think that was a helpful way to phrase it (no one likes a martyr) - but you are quite right to be angry he isn’t helping with the toddler now.

Unless he’s getting up at 4 to operate heavy machinery, give him the toddler to manage now. Tell him you simply cannot look after two kids, the elder one is down to him and he will just have to cope with being tired tomorrow.

When things have settled a bit, talk to him about the nap thing. He may have felt there was a good reason. But if you make him take responsibility tonight, he might not do it again.

Fluffodils · 25/03/2023 21:47

Is your partner a pilot or a surgeon?

Aftjbtibg · 25/03/2023 21:47

That’s crap behaviour, of course he should be helping

hoplittlebunnieshophophop · 25/03/2023 21:53

I am so sorry!
yes, it’s his duty to parent his own children!

My husband used to use the “I have to work” before. I am now back at work so he spends a lot more time with the children

he’s been humbled and agrees that being at home with children is so much harder then working. He never used the work card in me again, thank goodness.

Even more gutting that the only reason the toddler is awake is because he wanted to have a rest him self whilst your were in hospital with a sick baby. And now he wants to rest again? I don’t think so.

the reason some nem don’t see how selfish this is is beyond me

IWineAndDontDine · 25/03/2023 21:54

Your partner is home, therefore needs to be involved.

SpideysMummy · 25/03/2023 21:56

Depends what you mean by tomorrow. Getting up at 3? He probably needs to be in bed. Getting up at 7? He needs to help.

WeWereInParis · 25/03/2023 21:58

Is he actually asleep already? Because if he's awake then he's being a massive dick.

If he's asleep because he gets up very early and needs to be alert for his job etc then maybe it's ok.

YukoandHiro · 25/03/2023 21:58

If your partner is a pilot or train driver on shift at 5am, well maybe. Any other ordinary job, he's taking the piss.

MeinKraft · 25/03/2023 22:06

Oh I didn't realise parenting in optional in the evening if you have a penis!

Freddiefox · 25/03/2023 22:09

What time does he have to be up for work?

strawberry2017 · 25/03/2023 22:10

So is he in bed already then coz he has to get up mega early?

onionringcheeseypuff · 25/03/2023 22:13

Unless he goes to bed at 9pm because he's at work at 5am...he's just a bit shit isn't he.

FlyingPandas · 25/03/2023 22:15

I was a SAHM for years when ours were little.

DH has a 'big' job for which he needs to be well rested/alert/on the ball etc.

He always shared the night care when DC were ill or unsettled. Even though I was a SAHM. Because he is a decent guy who recognises that there are times when parenting is a two-person job regardless of who is doing what.

Your DP needs to step up and get on with it OP and stop making your life more stressful than it needs to be.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 25/03/2023 22:18

Does he have to get up at 3am for work? If not, he best get up to help you with both your kids.

Daisydu · 25/03/2023 22:19

he’s just shit. Sorry, but he is. There’s been so so many times when my partner has work the next day and he’s stayed up most of the night with me or without me settling a poorly or unsettled baby/toddler. He would never ever leave me to it.

you’re not being unreasonable here he should absolutely be helping you cope tonight!

converseandjeans · 25/03/2023 22:23

He needs to help out - especially as he let toddler have a nap & now you're stuck with them up & about. Unfortunately this is quite common. DH didn't used to allow naps but my child minder did on occasion & DH used to still go off to bed at 9 & leave me to it.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 25/03/2023 22:26

I mean, my dad actually was a pilot and he would have helped in this situation.

But I’m sure your OH has a Really Important Job that requires him not to be available to help eyeroll

ElonsMusky · 25/03/2023 22:29

late night child care belongs to the non working parent.

Redebs · 25/03/2023 22:30

So he had already had a nap this afternoon, but wanted an early night regardless of children?

Ruffpuff · 25/03/2023 22:31

At 2am I might understand…but at 9pm? He’s having a laugh.

SkyandSurf · 25/03/2023 22:33

What a prick. He's already had a nap today at your expense, and he wants to be off the clock at 9pm when you are sleep deprived.

Tell him the toddler is his problem, you're dealing with a sick baby.

I'd be furious x

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