This was selfish? *tw abortion

[Hotcrossbunnyy]

This happened at the end of last year but it’s affected how I think of this person.
DP was almost at the end of a house sharing tenancy at this time. this was with a friend he has known since high school, they both ended up working at the same job and decided to house share. I say this to highlight they are very good friends and were not just housemates.

Anyway, I had a medical abortion in December and made the choice to do it at DPs house as his friend would be working all day, the friend knew this was happening this day and even gave me some of his hot water bottles to use. The abortion was brutal, constantly being sick, codeine not touching the pain at all and it lasted way longer than 3-4 hours. I was contracting but barely passing anything for the first few hours. Basically this continued on way into the night close to 9 hours so you can imagine I was exhausted. DP was struggling with having watched me in agony for hours and not be able to help.

His friend decided that night to bring 20 (yes 20) people round for drinks in the early hours.

AIBU to think his friend is a selfish prick? To know someone is going through that and volunteer your house for an unplanned gathering of 20 odd people? Whilst I know it was also his house, it just shows no respect to his supposed best friend(DP). I struggle to think of him as I did before this and find it hard to socialise with him.

I'm sorry that sounds very hard. I do think you should have done it at your own home though, not in a houseshare.

Yes it was extremely unsympathetic but it is his house too so he was within his rights.

I would 100% never look at him the same again either

Sorry I forgot to add, I was living with family at the time and staying on their sofa. So having constant access to be able to run back and forth to the bathroom and even a bed to lay in wasn’t possible.

You really should have done it at your own home.

I would hope he massively underestimated how it would be for you and thought it would be ok - and alcohol can make you make different choices.

Given he gave you hot water bottles I would give him the benefit of doubt that he was just naive about what it would involve

Honestly I imagine a young guy in a houseshare wouldn’t really have known what the impact of the tablets were or that it meant he couldn’t bring friends back to his own house hours and hours later.

If you underestimated how bad it would be surely you can understand he was probably just ignorant to how bad it would be for you too. A single childless guy is unlikely to fully understand the physical and emotional stuff that goes with an abortion, I doubt he did it too piss you off. And besides, it’s his home not yours.

I didn't know they allowed you to do this at home. I was on a ward in a hospital bed when i had mine. It sounds brutal. The friend maybe didn't know how bad it was going to bed for you i would guess.

Assuming everyone in this scenario is quite young, I think he is selfish but more clueless than nasty.

But you should tell him OP.

I assume he thought it would be like a period. Tbh I think it’s selfish to do this in a house you don’t live in.

It’s been normal to do it at home since covid

If you expected it to last 3-4 hours, maybe your partner told his housemate that?

It's likely he has no idea what it would be like. I didn't until a friend told me about her experience.

I don’t think a young man would think about what you were going through or even remember that this was going on if he had been out with friends.
move dine similar in my youth because it’s normal to be selfish in your youth.

Do you think he realised the pain you were/would be in? I had a miscarriage and had to take pills to clear my womb, which I assume is similar. I had no idea what it was going to be like and definitely imagined something less traumatic. Not to say he should have invited people over, but just wonder if he thought you'd be upstairs almost sleeping it off. Were they noisy?

I've no sympathy really. It's his house, I find it strange that you'd choose to go through that in anybodies house but your own.

She didn't have a house of her own at the time.

She just said she didn't have a home except a couch somewhere. No bed or access to bathroom.

Judgy much.

I imagine he had no idea about what this entails, if he is normally a nice person I would try to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Any reason why this is still going around in your mind?

Are you all quite young? I suppose he may not have fully thought it through and also I think bringing back 20 people in the early hours screams compromised decision making regardless of the circumstances you personally were in at the time. Even if you'd just been crashing for the night that would still have been irksome. Given he'd offered you hot water bottles I'm inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt. It sounds as though he'd been out, had too much of one thing or another then suggested an after party.