Family strife!

[BiscoffBanana]

Has anyone ever successfully resolved a long term relationship breakdown between themselves and partners family? Specifically sister in law but also affecting parents in law. It's a long story....basically she wasn't happy when I called her out for entitled and demanding behaviour and hit the roof when I had the cheek to stand up to her (long family history of everyone bending to her will). Now they've blocked me altogether and won't let the kids come over for playdates as it might be "awkward" at drop offs etc. It was always up to me to organise playdates etc which i was happy to do as we like spending time with the kids and my kids like seeing their cousins. My oh (her brother) has never organised a playdate in his life and despite me badgering constantly won't get in touch as she is such a nightmare to deal with. How do we move on from this? It's pretty hard to deal with when inlaws won't see my kids either in case it upsets her. AITA for not just sucking up her behaviour and biting my tongue to keep the peace so we can see the kids/ in laws again?

Op my toes are curling a little at this

you're so suspicious of is basically a refusal to be treated like a doormat and expected to bow to her (IMHO unreasonable) terms - I don't believe that behaviour is acceptable from anyone and after years of biting my tongue and being taken for granted I finally snapped. So yes I'm partly responsible too.

you basically wrote how you’re not responsible at all.

anyway. Stop badgering your partner. It’s done now. It’s his family. They don’t want anything to do with you. It’s up to your partner if he wants to forge a relationship for the kids with them without your i involvement.

If I hadn't stood up to her, there wouldn't be an issue 🤷 so I guess I'm partly responsible for the resulting fallout.

You're right though, it's down to oh to try to move things on, but unfortunately he just doesn't want the hassle and sadly isn't that bothered about seeing the kids.

Then just let it go. You can’t keep forcing his family in his face. You took a decision, he doesn’t want involved,they don’t wish involved with you. So leave it now.

I’d leave this with you DH. My MIL has been tricky. Lots of passive aggressive behaviour, rather than confront her DH has decreased contact, same with his useless brother. Personally I’d build relationships outside the family. If the grandparents don’t want to your kids, that’s on them.

It sounds like this should be left to DH. They're his 'problem', not yours.

Leave it all alone for now - yes it’s a shame the kids won’t be close but if you all love close by then as they all get older they may well
choose to meet up on their own, or be at school together etc. Stop badgering the DH, he’s getting grief from both sides bless him!

You told her some home truths and there are consequences. Totally unreasonable inlaws won't see dc unless there is more of a back story

Life is an episode of EastEnders
Adults don't call each other out

This

let your children make and maintain their own friendships rather than foisting cousins and stroppy aunt on them.
Or let partner arrange it - they're his family

But surely this solves your problem? You say she is demanding and entitled and it's not a one off. So if she won't speak you don't have you don't have to put up with her. Make friends elsewhere and get on with your life. Stop feeling guilty.

I really miss the kids though 😔 and so do their cousins. I don't suppose there's any way forward though without going back to me being a resentful doormat. Families are difficult!

😂

OP you haven’t actually given any examples of her bad behaviour so it’s impossible for anyone to guess who’s in the right. From the face of it, it sounds like you don’t like her and there was an argument instigated by you. Maybe she and her parents don’t want to be around someone who doesn’t like her and makes that clear?

I feel for your husband, but he doesn’t seem to mind. Maybe time will heal the rift.

Why are you so keen to be friends with someone who brings nothing to your life?

I'm not- I just want to be able to maintain our relationship with the kids. We weren't friends before all this, we just tolerated each other. I'd long stopped making the effort to foster a friendship when I realised all my efforts got flung back in my face.

Oh its a very long story, going back a long way! I don't want to drag up every example as it would make for a very long post. I don't like her behaviour and had tolerated it for a very long time for the sake of keeping the peace but there's only so much a person can take before drawing a line. Perhaps "calling her out" was the wrong phrase to use as I made my points quite calmly and reasonably I thought- certainly wasn't trying to start an argument, but setting out why I wouldn't tolerate being treated like crap any more but, as others have said, hearing home truths can be painful and they just don't have the emotional intelligence to talk openly without getting ragey and slamming shut the lines of communication. Anyway- I can't see a way back from this so perhaps I need to accept its time to move on.

What would you have done instead? Would you just ignore it and carry on if you felt completely taken for granted? Genuinely interested to know.