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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Loneliness

5 replies

SJT89 · 25/03/2023 19:40

I feel very alone. I am mid 30’s, live in a small village with 2 teenagers, a baby and a partner. I have lived in this village my whole life give or take a year or two between having the older two and now.
I feel totally alone. There are several families within the village with similar aged children etc which I was extremely friendly towards when they first moved in, a few years down the line and I feel excluded from their group and they have created a clique with 4-5 other families. I have attempted to join in with them so many times including inviting them to things, offering to come for coffee etc but my invite/offer is always agreed at the time to then never be spoken of again. Yet I see them constantly posting pictures and events on FB which I wasn’t included in which is fine but my mother is often included and invited. I feel as if there’s something wrong with me personally to why my fRicken mother is invited but I’m not? They’re all more my age than my mothers with children of similar is not the same age as my children compared to my mothers mid 30’s and mid 20’s child?

If I had the balls I would ask them flat out what’s wrong with me but I don’t have the balls and here I am on MN.

I guess the question is - AIBU to feel excluded and lonely

or AIBUN?

I feel as a mid 30’s woman I should have friends but my ex husband kindly saw any friends I had prior on their way so I’m mid 30’s with zero friends and feeling quite worthless tbh.
I feel as if my children and partner would be better off without me right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
SJT89 · 25/03/2023 19:43

Also my mother is the most selfish narcissist you could ever meet, if the situation isn’t relating to her in anyway she will make a situation relate to her or complain she is bored.

Maybe I’m just too old to make new friends and I should just make do with being lonely but never being alone?

OP posts:
Want2beme · 25/03/2023 22:04

Is there anything you can become involved with outside of the village or are you too far out? It's really hard when you're being excluded and juvenile of them to not tell you why.

You say your mother's a narcisist, but could she shed any light on what's going on with the group? Do you think she's got anything to do with their coolness towards you?

Don't despair. Keep talking hereFlowers

GreenSunfish · 07/05/2023 22:20

That sounds tough. I’d feel left out in that situation. You’ve said your mum is a narcissist and if that’s the case she could be manipulating the situation so they don’t invite you. Narcissists are very clever at doing this. I think someone advised you to make friends elsewhere which is maybe what you’ll have to do.

Xeren · 29/06/2023 22:17

SJT89 · 25/03/2023 19:43

Also my mother is the most selfish narcissist you could ever meet, if the situation isn’t relating to her in anyway she will make a situation relate to her or complain she is bored.

Maybe I’m just too old to make new friends and I should just make do with being lonely but never being alone?

My mum is shows a lot of narcissistic traits and also befriends young women (similar to my age) and can be quite competitive with attention.

It’s completely understandable that you’re hurt, but believe me when I say that you don’t actually want to be friends with people.

Xeren · 29/06/2023 22:22

SJT89 · 25/03/2023 19:40

I feel very alone. I am mid 30’s, live in a small village with 2 teenagers, a baby and a partner. I have lived in this village my whole life give or take a year or two between having the older two and now.
I feel totally alone. There are several families within the village with similar aged children etc which I was extremely friendly towards when they first moved in, a few years down the line and I feel excluded from their group and they have created a clique with 4-5 other families. I have attempted to join in with them so many times including inviting them to things, offering to come for coffee etc but my invite/offer is always agreed at the time to then never be spoken of again. Yet I see them constantly posting pictures and events on FB which I wasn’t included in which is fine but my mother is often included and invited. I feel as if there’s something wrong with me personally to why my fRicken mother is invited but I’m not? They’re all more my age than my mothers with children of similar is not the same age as my children compared to my mothers mid 30’s and mid 20’s child?

If I had the balls I would ask them flat out what’s wrong with me but I don’t have the balls and here I am on MN.

I guess the question is - AIBU to feel excluded and lonely

or AIBUN?

I feel as a mid 30’s woman I should have friends but my ex husband kindly saw any friends I had prior on their way so I’m mid 30’s with zero friends and feeling quite worthless tbh.
I feel as if my children and partner would be better off without me right now.

Oh don’t be daft! Of course they are better with you! Don’t let these snooty people and your mum make you feel bad about yourself x

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