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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable?

27 replies

tropicthunders · 25/03/2023 14:15

I don't know if I am being sensitive so looking for a perspective here.

There's this couple from Nursery, my DC is good friends with theirs. When DH met them first at drop off, he told them I was expecting my second and when I had baby they dropped us cooked dinner which was absolutely lovely. They hadn't met me in person at this point. But DH made a group chat so we can arrange play dates. Since then I find them to be overly familiar, particularly with DH and every single time I met them, they seem to make really snide comments about me which makes me really uncomfortable. E.g : one time at play date in soft play ' ohhh what a surprise to see you, we didn't think you were coming'. There was absolutely no conversation to indicate I wasn't coming and the discussion was on the group chat. The next time I saw them, the father said, ' oh nice to see you out and about with some energy! '. It was literally the second time we have been in each others company. The next time the mother came to our house as she was on her way to the park and when we opened the door , said to DH ' oh shame you are working as I thought you might want to come to the park with us' and then to me ' I can take DS if you like' . Then the last time, today to their DC ' this is XX'a mum, you don't seem to recognise her' .their kid was asking me to pick him up, literally, so quite the opposite.

I know these sound really light things but it really grinds me the wrong way. It's as if every time they see me with my family, they are surprised by it. It really makes me uncomfortable and I just feel like somehow questioned for my presence. Like they are a bud disappointed. I can't explain it. Please tell me i am been too sensitive and should give my head a good wobble......

OP posts:
Wanttobeyou · 25/03/2023 14:18

They sound odd. My imagination is terrible, are they swingers and they fancy your DH?

Oldraver · 25/03/2023 14:21

Could your DH of badmouthed you to them or innocently said you were tired etc ?

NoSquirrels · 25/03/2023 14:24

They sound odd. Does your DH do most nursery drop-off/collect stuff?

Original poster
tropicthunders · 25/03/2023 14:34

Wanttobeyou · 25/03/2023 14:18

They sound odd. My imagination is terrible, are they swingers and they fancy your DH?

Lol you are worse than me!! I wasn't thinking that but now I am!!

OP posts:
Original poster
tropicthunders · 25/03/2023 14:34

NoSquirrels · 25/03/2023 14:24

They sound odd. Does your DH do most nursery drop-off/collect stuff?

Yes he does.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 25/03/2023 14:41

I think if they usually see your DH doing the kid-stuff then they are just not used to seeing you. They’ve formed a (possibly incorrect) opinion that he’s the childcare guy and you don’t do as much. Probably the ‘energy’ comment was just cos you were heavily pregnant before? I’d assume your DH has had a quiet moan in the way we all sometimes do if we’re doing more (like when you were pregnant?) and they’ve just got it wrong. The ‘not recognising you’ comment is weird though. Laugh it off!

Hankunamatata · 25/03/2023 14:48

I don't see much in the comments except the last one about not recognising you. If they are more familiar with dh I'm sure he tells them things about you perhaps like your struggling to get out of the house after dc2 so then the comment would be pretty innocuous

red78hot · 25/03/2023 14:50

Oldraver · 25/03/2023 14:21

Could your DH of badmouthed you to them or innocently said you were tired etc ?

This is what I was thinking.

Laiste · 25/03/2023 15:04

ohhh what a surprise to see you, we didn't think you were coming'.

oh nice to see you out and about with some energy

said to DH ' oh shame you are working as I thought you might want to come to the park with us' and then to me ' I can take DS if you like'

I think your DH has perhaps over egged the pudding re: you being tired.

123wentaway · 25/03/2023 15:08

Wanttobeyou · 25/03/2023 14:18

They sound odd. My imagination is terrible, are they swingers and they fancy your DH?

Oh God what sort of mind do I have? This was my first thought too.
They certainly sound a bit off.

Itsmyturnnow1 · 25/03/2023 15:10

Either your DH has moaned about you or they are genuinely surprised to see you! We have a couple at nursery and the dad does all pick ups and drops offs. He is overly chatty and desperate for friends as does all he can to arrange play dates and made a group chat but no one talks much which is a bit sad, but he just isn’t our type of person, despite being polite and chatting we have done a few things socially but not a lot. His wife rarely comes to things like parties etc but when she does, it’s a surprise! She doesn’t seem as keen on the group chats and constant arranging of things!

Theunamedcat · 25/03/2023 15:16

I had this turns out ex was lying about me they thought I was a lazy bitch who was always sleeping and refused to do night waking or school drop offs

I did all the wake ups
Got all the kids ready for school
Woke him up he would roll out of bed into his car drive ds to school moan about how awful I was and go to work ds started talking at school one day told his teacher daddy spent his time on his "next box" while mummy looked after him and his baby brother and big sis
They looked at him a lot differently after that

LakeTiticaca · 25/03/2023 15:37

Same here with my tosser of an ex. On meeting his friends for the first time on a night out, one of them told me they were surprised at how nice I was 😲😲 only someone who had heard bad stuff about me (which was all lies) would come out with a statement like that!!

Spiderboy · 25/03/2023 15:41

It just sounds to me that they are familiar with OH as he is the one who does the drops offs etc. and you’ve recently had a baby? They might be assuming you are tired. I wouldn’t overthink it at this point

Autienotnautie · 25/03/2023 22:55

It is odd, it's possible they feel less comfortable with you as they see your dh so they are more socially awkward.
Or your dh bad mouths you and they have an inaccurate opinion of you.
Or they don't like you because they see you as a career person (clutching here)

Have you asked your dh?

DivineAffliction · 25/03/2023 23:00

I wouldn’t think anything of this. They seem a bit dense, but are clearly just more familiar with /invested in your DH, and prefer his company. Clearly it would be politer to hide this better, but it’s hardly surprising you’re not their main focus if he’s the one they’ve known for a while.

PinkSyCo · 25/03/2023 23:08

They do seem like they don’t like you very much and are quite passive aggressive towards you actually. Has your DH been moaning about you to them do you think?

Ktime · 25/03/2023 23:16

I would be keeping them at a distance sharpish.

SnarkyBag · 25/03/2023 23:17

I’d probably just stop posting in the group chat or attending play dates it doesn’t sound like they’re your friends so leave your husband to it if he wants to get together with the kids. To be honest couples meeting up together at soft play sounds like something that would make me want to stab my own eyes out! If you didn’t have children similar ages would you even give them a second thought?

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 25/03/2023 23:23

They obviously know your husband better but I would be thinking that he'd had said something bad about me for them to actually say things like that to my face.

BevMarsh · 25/03/2023 23:30

I think your husband has been having a moan about you.
Probably more than once given that they see him regularly and every time they see you they have had a passive dig.

MsDogLady · 26/03/2023 04:32

@tropicthunders, their comments are passively mocking and exclusionary, and they are confident that your H is okay with that…

What does he say about their digs?

snitzelvoncrumb · 26/03/2023 04:39

I would find out what school they are going to send their child to, so you can choose another. Hopefully the friendship doesn’t last long. It’s ok to avoid them.

Butchyrestingface · 26/03/2023 04:44

Your husband has said something to them to create the impression you're an invalid type and he does all the heavy lifting.

Fuckityfuckfuck123 · 26/03/2023 05:02

They're your Hs friends, and they somehow have ideas about you, that they've not necessarily got from being around you.

Tbh, even if your DH was having a moan about you, as parents themselves it would have been better for them to reserve judgement.

If I knew someone who had a partner who had just had a baby, but seemed to be tired, and I didn't see much, I'd be more concerned that she might need some help, or be struggling with her MH, and I'd do my utmost to be a friendly face when I saw them.

They're a bit dickish aren't they. What does your H say about the digs?