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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Had first date in years last night ..

27 replies

winchline · 25/03/2023 09:05

And he did not ask me one single question about myself 😳
Spoke about himself, his ex, his work, his child and his family incessantly for two hours.
Then he leaned over and kissed me out of the blue Confused
AIBU to think that is just shite?

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 25/03/2023 09:06

Shite yes, fairly typical unfortunately ime - one of many reasons I don't bother anymore 😆

Original poster
winchline · 25/03/2023 09:08

I came away from the date, actually shocked 😂

OP posts:
SummerLover01 · 25/03/2023 09:09

Aww, that's rubbish. I was hoping this was gonna be a great feel good thread about how great it was and how excited you are for more.

They're not all like this OP! Hopefully you'll have more luck next time!

Original poster
winchline · 25/03/2023 09:11

He was so interesting in so many ways but mad as a box of frogs !
Hope this isn't the norm or I won't last too long at this game.

OP posts:
JMSA · 25/03/2023 09:11

I've never had a date like that. Mostly it doesn't work out, but still, they're not all like that!
Better luck next time ...

ExpatInSlavikLand · 25/03/2023 09:13

Wow. Poor you. I'm surprised you made it to 2 hours in his sterling company!

Has he asked you about a second date yet?

If he has/will, what are you going to say to him?

Original poster
winchline · 25/03/2023 09:15

I'm going to say no thanks!
Zero interest in me.
Sod that !

OP posts:
sukiwh · 25/03/2023 09:35

Spoke about himself constantly, mad as a box of frogs… was he excusing himself to go to the bathroom more than usual?

Original poster
winchline · 25/03/2023 09:38

No !
But he did randomly get up and headed off off to the bathroom without saying a word 😂
And he was very visibly excited throughout 🤦🏻‍♀️ even typing this is cringeworthy

OP posts:
sukiwh · 25/03/2023 09:41

Very strange behaviour! Sounds almost erratic. It’s maybe a no to a second date with this guy, but shouldn’t put you off first dates with others.

Shamsterdam · 25/03/2023 09:49

Sadly this is quite normal for some dates. I read something quite interesting (possibly on MN!) that said men generally trade stories by way of communication, whereas women are more conditioned with using turn taking, reciprocal questions during conversation. I have been dating for just over a year and have noticed it a lot! If on a date someone now just tells me story after story but doesn't ask anything I will just tell one back, I'm not offended by it as it used to come across as rude and lazy, but I will note it and likely won't go on a second date. I don't care if it's a man/woman thing, or just the guy I'm seeing thing, it still comes across as low effort and uninterested. Male colleagues can manage to ask polite questions so I don't see why a man on a date can't.

I went on a first date recently where the guy didn't ask me anything about myself, but decided to list all his latest park run times. I have no interest in park run so it was totally random. It was strange as over messages he'd been a very good conversationalist. It may have been his nerves but it just killed any spark.

Motnight · 25/03/2023 09:53

He had an erection throughout the date? He really loves talking about himself 😬

Original poster
winchline · 25/03/2023 10:01

Yes@Motnight 😂

OP posts:
Americano75 · 25/03/2023 10:04

Right, I was going to say 'nerves' but you could use the hard on as the proverbial red flag pole. 😆

Original poster
winchline · 25/03/2023 10:06

I got vibes from him that he is hugely over sexed and maybe at times viewing me just in that way . Caught him looking at my chest a few times ...

OP posts:
chocolatemademefat · 25/03/2023 10:06

The erection would’ve been the deal breaker!!! Was he a teenager? 😂😂

Phonemonkey2023 · 25/03/2023 10:06

Oh dear OP - park run guy though 😂😂😂

Original poster
winchline · 25/03/2023 10:07

Felt like it .. certainly didn't look like it though

OP posts:
FabFitFifties · 25/03/2023 10:12

First I thought nervous, then I thought under the influence of a substance, then I thought 🤮How long was the date?

Original poster
winchline · 25/03/2023 10:13

From beginning to end 1.5/2 hours

OP posts:
Original poster
winchline · 25/03/2023 10:15

I was absolutely intrigued by him and his stories so much so that I didn't really realise he was only interested in himself until he said when I was trying to subtly go for the fifth time ... ah sure is there any need to be going home this early ... 😂🤣

OP posts:
Hillrunning · 25/03/2023 10:19

Humm doesn't sound great, but they won't all be this way. I'm interested though, did you have to wait to be asked? I would just counter with an anecdote of my own that fits with the conversation.

Original poster
winchline · 25/03/2023 10:20

He never stopped talking . Not for a second

OP posts:
QueefQueen80s · 25/03/2023 10:23

Put it in the Fuckit bucket and laugh and move on!
It's a shit feeling isn't it, when someone is so full of themselves like that.
It's not usual so don't let it put you off!

Sassyfox · 25/03/2023 10:43

Unless absolutely awful then I don’t think you should judge someone on a first date.

Some people over-talk when they’re nervous and some go much quieter.

I’m definitely much quieter around someone I’ve just met than someone I’ve known for a long time.
I absolutely hate dating for this reason and always hope my date is happy to chat about themselves.

Were you asking him questions about himself or was he just talking about himself?

If you weren’t asking him questions about himself then you did the exact same thing as what you’re saying he did.

If you were asking him questions then he would obviously have answered them.

If you thought there was a bit of a spark and you liked him then maybe try a 2nd date and then decide.