For my partner to stay out and me go home?

SkyandSurf · 25/03/2023 08:20

Your partner stays out, but also supports you to have time away by yourself when it suits.

Overthebow · 25/03/2023 08:21

It’s dps friend so they stay out, but you also get an evening out sometime.

Dotcheck · 25/03/2023 08:22

It’s his friends- I would be happy to go back alone.

No breastfeeding isn’t ‘fair’. You can’t make your experience the same as his experience. Just like you may need to look after yourself a bit more than he would have to etc

Hiddenvoice · 25/03/2023 08:22

I am kinda torn on this one. Yes he should come home as it is both your responsibilities but I’d also want my dp to have a night out too and have a break. I know you say your baby won’t take a bottle but can they go any longer than 2 hours without being fed? Could you go back out afterwards?
my baby was similar at 3 months, onlt wanted me, would take a bottle but was funny with my in laws and my parents. We had our first night out so I quickly drove home to feed the baby and then my dad drove me back so I could have a drink and enjoy my night (for another 3 hours 😂) My dh stayed out with friends and honestly it didn’t bother me, would have been more of a hassle if he came back as I could settle our baby faster.

whitebreadjamsandwich · 25/03/2023 08:23

He can stay out

And it is only another month or two and baby can reliably just have food + water so you can leave them for longer. Lots of 8-12 month olds in nursery doing a full day without any milk. You make sure you get some fun time alone!

musingsinmidlife · 25/03/2023 08:23

He stays out. The idea that you can both only ever be out together is a recipe for disaster. Do you really never want to go out with friends or family on your own?

FrankandWalters · 25/03/2023 08:25

This is pretty juvenile. There are no ‘should’s. Have you actually talked about this and asked if he even wants to stay out longer? If he does, and it’s his friend, surely it makes sense for you to home and feed the baby, him to stay and see his friend, and then to look after the baby another day so you can go out with your friends?

Wisteriaroundthedoor · 25/03/2023 08:26

He should stay out. I don’t think it’s right to make him come home just to sit there and watch you feed, you can both have independent lives and he should give you the same freedom when feasible.

But If you start pulling this shit it’s going to build resentment. Relationships aren’t prisons op

ifonly4 · 25/03/2023 08:27

As it's his friend, I'd let him stay out and enjoy himself. It can work both ways, he could have DB while you go for coffee with a friend or a quick trip into town.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 25/03/2023 08:27

He stays out. It's not his fault he can't breastfeed and they're his friends after all.

Wisteriaroundthedoor · 25/03/2023 08:29

Also if you’re resenting it so much you’d even consider making him end his evening home then stop breastfeeding, the child is seven months old.there is no need for it to be a battle or hinderance now.

whateverwillbewillbewontit · 25/03/2023 08:36

I'd encourage DP to stay out. If you adopt a 'if I have to go home, you have to go home too' response, it'll create a whole lot of unnecessary tension. This is just a temporary situation and there will be time in the future for you to both fully enjoy nights out together.

Ponoka7 · 25/03/2023 08:47

This is going to get punched on, but how has she become a new friend? Are they definitely not hiding in plain sight? If you had made a new male friend, would he be ok with you staying out? Personally I think that he should go home when you do. On here there seems to be a lot of women who are with high earners and are happy to parent alone. I think that in the early days it Isn't a big hardship for a man to cut down on socialising etc to mirror his partner.

whyhere · 25/03/2023 08:49

Take baby with you. If it's a noisy venue get some baby-safe ear defenders.

FrankandWalters · 25/03/2023 08:56

Ponoka7 · 25/03/2023 08:47

This is going to get punched on, but how has she become a new friend? Are they definitely not hiding in plain sight? If you had made a new male friend, would he be ok with you staying out? Personally I think that he should go home when you do. On here there seems to be a lot of women who are with high earners and are happy to parent alone. I think that in the early days it Isn't a big hardship for a man to cut down on socialising etc to mirror his partner.

The people they’re meeting are DP’s friend and the friend’s new girlfriend.

InFiveMins · 25/03/2023 08:58

He stays out, and you arrange to go out with your friends for an evening so he can look after the baby then.

JMSA · 25/03/2023 09:00

YABU.

LadyKenya · 25/03/2023 09:01

Yes, yabu.

HungryandIknowit · 25/03/2023 09:01

Get him to stay out! Then you can have a lie in / dinner with friends / whatever without the baby whilst he does childcare. I view these as opportunities to get some future alone time.

Original poster

breezinthrough · 25/03/2023 09:12

thanks everyone, that’s made it much clearer for me now! I don’t mind going home, I just had that sudden “wait is this fair?!” second thoughts but I will go out and enjoy myself with my own friends another night while DP has baby :)

OP posts:

Harriyet · 25/03/2023 09:34

I dont think you get to tell him either way. Surely it's his choice? Breastfeeding is restricting, that's the price you pay. If it was him insisting you bf and not bottle then that's where he shouldn't be entitled to nights out whilst restricting you.

Napmum · 25/03/2023 09:45

breezinthrough · 25/03/2023 08:18

I actually don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not I genuinely am conflicted.
Going out tonight to meet DP friend and his new girlfriend for dinner locally.
we have a 7 month old baby who I breastfeed. Baby is going to be with DP parents for 2 hours while we go out. Baby isn’t great with them but will last 2 hours (won’t take a bottle).
Should I just go home after the 2 hours because I can feed the baby? Or should my partner come home with me as the baby is both our responsibilities?
Half of me doesn’t care if it’s just me but then the “thats unfair” part of me kicks in.
YABU= partner stays out
YANBU= we both come home at the same time

Lot's about being the one breathing feeding is unfair. You just have to make up for it in other ways.

Like others suggested, maybe he can take the baby for two hours whilst you see your friends.

NurseCranesRolodex · 25/03/2023 09:50

If you genuinely don't care then why do you feel its unfair? Breastfeeding is a bind but you wouldn't change that for the world in the future, honestly!! Just come away early, it's not your friend so who cares. You'll feel better tomorrow and you can say to him you've banked some time.

Thepeopleversuswork · 25/03/2023 09:56

He stays out with his mates and you go home but he makes sure there's a quid pro quo for you: either you get a lie-in or you get to go out with your mates soon.

You can't expect a couple to be joined at the hip all the time just because they have a baby: it will just make both of you resentful.

PicaK · 25/03/2023 10:05

I totally get where your head is at - and reflecting on whether things are fair is a good thing to do. Stops you being taken advantage of.
In this case you have to go back and he doesn't. As you say - It's fine to let him have extra me-time, provided you get it back.
Fair doesn't have to mean doing the same things at the same time.