About being a designated driver.

[CantAskAnyoneElse]

So I’m a teetotaler, and often asked to be the driver.
I don’t mind it here and there, I try to avoid it if I can at this point.
But just last night happened what often does, I’m asked to stay longer, to no go ’just yet’ and this has to be just because they want to try and get a ride home.
And when I say I want to leave now, I’m called boring or whatever. Some friend of friend called me a bitch
But surely I’m not responsible of how they get home?
I hate that I’m left feeling like a bad guy.

Id have a conversation with your friends about it (when they’ve not been drinking) or set it out at the beginning of the night. It’s not your responsibility and you don’t have to stay later just because they want a lift. My own experience is that when not drinking I want to leave earlier compared to those drinking as I get tired and as people get drunk they get boring when you aren’t so it’s an ongoing problem

That's the pickle at times with some

Next time you arrange lifts, just say, you prob need to make your own way home as I don't think I'll be out as late as you. I don't want any grief going when I'm ready like last time. Easier to discuss when sober and when they want the lift

When they are sober make it clear that you will leave when you want and if they want to stay it’s on them. Tell them if they try to make you feel bad it will be no more lifts. The person who called you a bitch would not only not be given a lift again, they wouldn’t be in my life. If she/he asks you for a lift again a simple “no, last time you swore at me when I wanted to leave. Don’t ask me again”.

Designated driver means ‘not drinking alcohol’, it doesn’t mean you become a taxi driver for the group at their beck and call whatever time they like.

They are selfish inconsiderate arseholes (drink can do that to people, and I say that as an enthusiastic drinker of wine).

Be clear when making plans. “Yes happy to not drink and will give a loft to anyone who wants to leave when I am ready to go. If you want to stay later though, you’ll need to get a taxi”

Equip yourself with replies to use
”LOL, other taxi services are available”

No one who called me a bitch would get a lift ever again. If you talk to your friend whose friend that was, I would tell her. And say it out a shadow on your night.

When I'm on nights out and not drinking I always leave soooo early there's no chance anyone wants a lift home.
I'm not that good at standing up for myself so I always have a (fake) reason as to why I need to leave early - usually a (fake) commitment early the next morning.

I don't really care if people think I'm boring, drunk people are boring. No way am I going to sit around and watch people get smashed, talk rubbish - and then, go out of my way to ferry them all home.

I hate this! I often drive as I don't like hangovers so only have one drink.

But as people get drunker then become soooo boring when you're sober so I tend to go home earlier. And then starts the pestering of "I'm just finishing the drink" etc... which then becomes another round.

I just sneak out😁

No one who called me a bitch would be getting in my car.

This!

I don’t drink, but my friends don’t expect me to drive every time we go out. We still take it in turns more or less, and sometimes get a taxi.

You need better boundaries, and the woman who called you a bitch wouldn’t be getting in my car ever again.

Instead of starting a new thread, I’ll see if anyone see this first.

I also have trouble with the fact that few of them have said that I should see that drunk one’s are ’safe’ or see that they got home safe.

Sod that. My car my rules.

Be upfront and say I won't be staying late and everyone is responsible for getting themselves home. Don't let them talk you into staying. Don't let them guilt trip you about safety - they can work that out amongst themselves!

It is there responsibility to not get so drunk they cannot get home safely. Not yours.

You are not responsible for how they get home unless you agree to it beforehand.

Be crystal clear before you go out that they need to make their own arrangements about getting home.

Who are these friends? You need to have a chat with them sober about what being friends means. And then find new friends.

Well they can do if they leave at the time you want to go. If they don't, I for them to make their own way home safely.

This isn't on you.

I don't think these people are friends op, just users.

Next time please say no and leave. They treat you like shit so why the reluctance to be assertive and say no. Are you worried about confrontation? They're already out there calling you boring and a bitch.

Just set out your expectations when initially making the plans for the night out. As above, say you are happy to give lifts to anyone who is leaving when you are but you aren't staying later for anyone else.

What horrible friends.

You stick to your guns and leave when you are ready to.

You are absolutely not responsible for getting others adults home.

Designated means decided on, arranged. It doesn't mean available for any drunk person to decide to use as a taxi service. And no it's not your job to make sure drunk people get home safely.

I’m the designated driver, I don’t like alcohol and I like to see everyone enjoy themselves it never caused me a problem I just enjoy being sober.

These people are NOT friends. I don't know how old you are OP but this is not how friendships work.

I always drive as I don't drink, but I'm not the "designated" driver. I say I'm leaving in 10 mins if anyone wants a lift. I leave early too as a
PP mentioned, drunk people are so fucking boring to be around.

Which is ironic as some on here think not drinking is boring, but that's a whole different thread.

Anyway OP have a long hard think about whether these people are bringing anything positive to your life!

Woah that guilt trip is horrible! Next time someone says you are responsible say sorry I’m not so and so’s mummy not my job to ensure they get home safe.

I agree with a previous poster give a 10 min warning then leave and never give a lift to the one who called you a bitch again